Sad due to loss of a friendship

[shcirerf]

People come and go in our lives, for different reasons, at different times.

Some friendships stay, some go.

It's life.

Given, the geographical distance and mostly online communication, it's different, than someone you can see, on a face to face, physical level. Those relationships come and go too.

I wouldn't worry over it too much. Take the good, let go of the bad and move on.

[Amy8888]

I saw this article and thought of this thread. Friendships end sometimes, just like romantic relationships, and sometimes it's no one's fault. It still hurts though.

http://mobile.nytimes.com/2012/01/29...friendship.xml

[EagleRiverDee]

Amy- that's a good article. I think the reason I'm taking this so hard is that I don't have any explanation- I've never been good with not getting closure. And to be frank, it's affected my self-esteem because I'm trying to figure out what's wrong with me. It hasn't been a good year for my friendships. One friend of 15 years de-friended me on Facebook by calling me a deragatory name because of my political views and then deleted me. Another friend just never has time for me and despite repeated overtures on my part to do something she turns me down. And now my best friend has dumped me. I mean, the handwriting on the wall says it's ME, right? And yet I can't figure it out. I'm honest, I'm punctual, I'm positive (usually), I don't put people down, I engage my friends in conversations about them because I'm genuinely interested in them, I am helpful, and I stay in touch. I do all the things I would want from a friend of mine in return. But lately I just feel like I've become repulsive to people, and I don't know what I'm doing wrong. And yet, that's not really a question you can ask anyone and ever get a straight answer because no one wants to tell you what you're doing wrong for fear of being unkind.

[chickadeee55]

Dee, sorry this has happened to you, and yes no matter why it happened it still affects you.

You mentioned some common things that I could relate to, about 12 yrs ago I had a best friend at work, we were very close, and talked and went to lunch all the time, we could tell each other anything and it was accepted. Then she left and got a new job, within a year our relationship ended, not so common ground anymore. I went to lunch with her abut 3 yrs ago, and it wasn't the same, she was negative. We have different lives now, and I am girlfriendless and have been for 10 yrs. It is hard to find someone to click with. But I think my story just confirms that it was not you it was just circumstances.

I think it is great that you are taking care of yourself, keep up the good work.

I often thought they should have a girl friend site like they have match.com for finding marriage, how about one where you can connect with another girl for friendship. Could this be a opportunity!

Chin up, and have a great evening

[EagleRiverDee]

Originally Posted by chickadeee55

I often thought they should have a girl friend site like they have match.com for finding marriage, how about one where you can connect with another girl for friendship. Could this be a opportunity!

I like that idea. If you start it, I'll be your first member.

Thanks and have a great day!

[nina125]

Just a quick tip: I would never discuss politics, religion or any divisive topic in public. The only time I would discuss such things is on an online forum anonymously.

[Em123]

Hey Dee!

I came across a great quote the other day online which is I feel is relevant to this topic:

“Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self esteem, first make sure that you are not, in fact, just surrounding yourself with assh*les.”
― William Gibson

Sorry for the language in that quote, but I find its something that is very true. (And something which I remind myself when I come across really unforgiving people).

I think you should stop looking for the negatives within yourself because you sound like a very lovely person and a good friend to have. Your "friends" who defriended you however, sound like the complete opposite. For someone to defriend you after 15 years of friendship for a political comment... I think that shows more a reflection of their character and intolerance more than anything.

I think you shouldn't dwell too much on what has happened, but rather look to the future and to all the new friends you can make in due time. Also appreciate the great people around you, like your DH and family. Like everyone else has said, it's really great you're making lots of progress in your weight loss... those who don't want to share your happiness probably don't deserve half of your time. (Just my opinion).

Stay healthy and happy!

[EagleRiverDee]

Em123-

I LOVE That quote. I'm going to remember that, as there is probably some real truth there.

Thank you for sharing that.

[novangel]

I know what you mean. I have a great boyfriend but every woman needs another woman to confide in..I long for that too. I have friends but they are ALL very one-sided and selfish. My Mom died 5 years ago but she filled that void when she was alive. I'm currently trying to form new friendships.