Hey guys, I am about to confront my mom about losing weight. I am doing it via email so she can't argue with me.
She just came to visit with my dad last week, it was a three day drive here and three days back.
A little background...she has been overweight since having me..about 27 years.
She has gotten Diabetes and Sleep apnea from her weight.
She also has:
-Diverticulitus (digestive problem where your intestines can get infected easily, very painful)
-Restless Leg Syndrom (she doesn't sleep much)
-Asthma
-Shes had two partial knee replacements
-Lap Band surgery, which she has lost NO weight on after 3 years. (partly doctors fault for not paying attention)
-chronic pain
-BAD charlie horses from probably RLS..I have heard her scream bloody murder in the middle of the night
-Undiagnosed depression I am sure...
She is on tons of meds for all of this, and often has stomach issues. The last time I confronted her about 3 or so years ago she got mad when I asked her how much she was eating during her late night "snacking". She said she couldn't sleep or her stomach hurt and that was the only fix...ug.
Intel (my dad) tells me she can probably go through a bag of Cheetos a day! SO this last time around visiting she spent more time sick or lying around in pain than I have ever seen. It has gotten worse, she may try to blame it on the drive down or just "being sick" but it's bull and I KNOW she will feel so much better if she loses weight.
She's done a bunch of yo yo dieting but has never kept it off, she always gains back. My dad is on board to help, I even talked to her doctor. At this point it just talking to her about it...I just hope I can get her to realize what needs to be done.
Here is my letter to her. I would appreciate any feedback so I can edit if need be, before I send it. Thank you.
__________________________________________________ _____
Mom,
I hope you are feeling better from the trip. I wanted to write this down because every time I have brought up this issue in the past you get mad at me and make excuses.
I am extremely concerned about your health. I know it has been a rough several years for you, but it is only getting worse. I know you have it in your head that you are helpless to do anything without a medical treatment. However, I really believe your health WILL improve with weight loss. There is absolutely no down side to loosing that weight and you may be able to get rid of your diabetes and sleep apnea. I have even read (which I am sure you know) that the symptoms of restless legs can be reduced with weight loss too.
I’ve really wanted to encourage you more for a long time. I guess living this far away makes it less motivating for me, until again I am reminded of what ails you. What is so disappointing is that you had that surgery that was going to help you, what 3 or so years ago now and it hasn’t done anything but mess up your stomach more.
I think it is time for you to stop relying on the surgery and do it the old fashion way, counting calories and exercise. You can go to your local doctor and have her set up a plan for you or I can help you too, but you have to listen and do it. Dad needs to diet too, and I told him that…so there is your support right at home.
I understand you are in a lot of pain many times, and your diverticulitus and various meds make your stomach hurt…but is that an excuse to eat to excess that will only destroy your health more? I know it will be hard to exercise for awhile with your toe, and you will have to go easy to start until you start loosing enough to make you more limber and comfortable.
You know I wouldn’t be saying this if I didn’t care. I love you, everyone in the family does and we want you around as long as possible. Not only that the quality of your life can be so much better...you will be able to keep up with your grandkids and maybe not get sick so often. I know you want to watch your grandchildren grow up. If you don’t want to do it for yourself, do it for all of us. I am begging you mom, please work really hard at this. I know you can do it, but you need to stop making excuses even though they are good ones you can’t go on telling yourself its ok not to care about what you eat because you’re in pain.
So if you don’t think you can do it on your own, I am sure your doctor will help you. I know you’ve dieted so many times over the years, but it is just so much easier to watch how much you eat and add a little movement than depending on some yoyo miracle diet.
Believe it or not, this is the only part of your health you really have control over. You can’t turn off your RLS or diverticulitus but you can lose weight without the help of drugs or surgery.
You don’t have to do it alone because I can help you. If you need to be held accountable daily I will do that. All you have to do is write it down…but really I think once you see what you eat on paper you will know what needs to be taken out. I don’t see you eat a lot at meals but I think your late night “pain” snacking is what is getting you. You don’t count servings, and just eat for comfort and/or boredom. I don’t see you eat every day, but I know you are not eating something right or you would have dropped your weight by now.
Seeing you this last time was really painful to see how much you suffer from so many different things. I just want you to feel better so you can live your life to the fullest. You aren’t as old as you think you are, and it is never too late to drop weight. Please mom, please take this seriously and don’t get upset. Please don’t be mad that I brought it up, I love you no matter what, but it is killing me to see you suffer so much. I can only imagine how much it hurts dad, and the rest of the family who see you suffer more than I do. They don’t want you to suffer either. You don’t have to suffer as much as you do if you just trudge through the hassle of keeping a food diary. The weight will come off and you will feel better I have no doubt about that.
I know you want to feel better too. Please let me or the doctor work with you for a game plan. You don’t have to feel alone. I know you can do this if you put your mind to it and commit. You aren’t working or feeding a family anymore so it shouldn’t be as hard to keep track of the things you eat. You don’t even have to exercise that much if you watch what you eat real close. Exercise can come later.
I love you mom, and I want you to feel better. This is the only way I know I can help you…but you do have to help me help you.