Questionable Parenting??

[berryblondeboys]

Originally Posted by mandalinn82

How much freedom is "questionable" depends not only on the parent and his/her own comfort level, and the area you live in, but also on the kid!

My sister could be trusted to do pretty much anything by herself at age 9. Seriously, that girl was a 40 year old in a child's body. I wouldn't call it questionable for her to have been given a little more leeway in terms of personal freedom, setting up her own stuff, etc.

I, on the other hand, had really crummy impulse control until I was around 18. Seriously. My parents knew this, so even though my sister was only a year older than me, she was often "in charge" of me when getting ourselves to school or after school. In fact, after my grandmother died when I was 9 and she was 10, we came home every day after school and my sister was "in charge" until my mom got home from work. Putting me in charge of myself at age 9 or 10 would have been a potentially disastrous decision. Putting my sister in charge made fine sense, and she did a really good job of it.

My parents let her get her driver's license at 16. They wouldn't sign for me, so I had to wait until I was 18. I was mad at the time, but it was ABSOLUTELY the right decision...again, zero impulse control!

It's a losing game to compare what another parent should be doing for *their* kid based on how you parent *your* kid, not only because every parent has a different parenting style, but because every kid is different. What makes sense for your kid, his level of responsibility, and your comfort zone can be totally different than what makes sense for her and her son.

Oh so true, so very, very true. I was like your sister. I was babysitting other children when I was 9 years old - not only my siblings, but three other families quite frequentl. In high school. Teachers called me to watch their kids. I guess I was just super mature.

My two kids are polar opposites and what will be their rules will be totally different because of it. I'm just glad ther is nearly 9 years between them so that there're won't be hard feelings when one can do one thing at a particular age when we won't let the other and vice versa.

[Julia75]

Originally Posted by cherrypie

there is really very little chance your kid will get "snatched off the street". Stranger abductions haven't really increased since the 70's, it's just our perception of them that has changed. As always it's the people in a child's life that are the most dangerous to them. I fear we are raising a generation of kids who will be crippled by fear of things that will never happen rather than giving them the independence to gain a little selfconfidence. Honestly, I think your chances of convincing your kid they are not able to take care of themselves and that they are inadequate greatly dwarf the chances of anything happening to them.

I couldn't agree more, I have a conspiracy theory that the news's sole interest is scaring parents. People need to remember that stories are only reported when bad things happen. You'll never read a story about one of the 50 million kids who safely made it home from school, you'll here about the one who didn't.

[sacha]

After 8 years of working in law enforcement, I have dealt with hundreds of child kidnappings, assaults/sexual assaults, etc... weekly and even daily. I have yet to encounter one where the assailant was not known to the family (and sadly, mom and dad were usually the suspects).

Back to the original question. I think it's fair to say that you can feel how you want abuot that parenting. We all have our own comfort. I come from a very "attachment parenting" perspective (cosleep, babywear, no cry) but my best friend is very much the "in the crib from day 1 and cry all night" crowd. I hate it. BUT, that is her prerogative and should not affect how I feel about him playing with her son.

Now, of course, I can't really compare our 2 year olds to your child - but if you feel uncomfortable then it's okay to say no. That is your decision and choice. My parents were like her - and I think it was okay. I'm not at that stage yet to decide myself as a mother. Good luck!

[cherrypie]

Originally Posted by Julia75

I couldn't agree more, I have a conspiracy theory that the news's sole interest is scaring parents. People need to remember that stories are only reported when bad things happen. You'll never read a story about one of the 50 million kids who safely made it home from school, you'll here about the one who didn't.

in the "good old days" crime reporting was a local thing. We only heard about crime in our area unless it was something truly spectacular. The national news was all politics and world news. Now we see crime reports from all over the world in graphic detail and we react emotionally like it happened next door. Not only do we see it, but we see it in graphic detail and hear from all the survivors. This adds a lot to our fears. I've also seen studies where people who watch tv are more afraid of crime than people who don't. Our love for cop shows makes us think crime is everywhere when in reality violent crime rates have been dropping.

I saw this author on tv once who had written a book about fear and the media. He said basically, that the media has us so afraid of things that statistically are not much of a threat that we can't recognize a real danger anymore. For example, we have been terrified by terrorism but it's really really unlikely that any of us will be a victim of it, but when a hurricane like katrina comes along, people don't even bother to move out of it's way.

[sacha]

Originally Posted by cherrypie

in the "good old days" crime reporting was a local thing. We only heard about crime in our area unless it was something truly spectacular. The national news was all politics and world news. Now we see crime reports from all over the world in graphic detail and we react emotionally like it happened next door. Not only do we see it, but we see it in graphic detail and hear from all the survivors. This adds a lot to our fears. I've also seen studies where people who watch tv are more afraid of crime than people who don't. Our love for cop shows makes us think crime is everywhere when in reality violent crime rates have been dropping.

I saw this author on tv once who had written a book about fear and the media. He said basically, that the media has us so afraid of things that statistically are not much of a threat that we can't recognize a real danger anymore. For example, we have been terrified by terrorism but it's really really unlikely that any of us will be a victim of it, but when a hurricane like katrina comes along, people don't even bother to move out of it's way.

Hehe, cop shows always make me laugh. I want to hurl something at the TV screen, I just think, "If they want reality, SHOW THEM 14 HOURS WORTH OF PAPERWORK DAMMIT!" or how I toss paperclips at 3:30am while sucking down coffee to stay awake

[98DaysOfSummer]

I do think it's odd to drop off an 11 year old where no one is expecting him and with no plan. "A few neighborhoods over" where I live means no sidewalks, some major roads, and a lot of traffic. I would not feel comfortable sending one 11 year old through all that with no one expecting him on the other end to let me know if he got there or not (or to at least notice when he didn't show up).

I'm all for independence, but also for responsibility. It does not seem responsible (or especially polite) to drop your eleven year old off on someone else (or in their neighborhood with plans to wander in) without letting someone know first.

[alaskanlaughter]

i agree with the ones who said that each child and each parent is different...so are cultures...i live in what's considered a "big city" but its really not - 40,000 ppl tops...alot of Alaska Native people live here and come from a village culture of everyone taking care of everyone else...we have a family down the street who thinks nothing of sending their little girl to our house when they have to go out and do something..because that's what you do in the little villages...however we don't know these people well and certainly never agreed to let them send her over anytime they please, but she is raised by her elderly gramma and that's what they did in the village back in her day, culturally....

my older son is very independent...however he struggles with ADHD and impulse control/forgetfullness...and as he grew up i had to learn to balance his challenges with his desire to be independent...my younger son, on the other hand, is very conscientious and dependable, however very much attached to home and family...so as he grows up we will have to balance that as well

for what it's worth, my 14 year old roams all over our area after school, about a 3-mile radius and will mostly check in with me and if not, will be home when he's hungry LOL he is also learning to ride the city bus to one destination during the week