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Women constantly jealous?

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Old 12-20-2011, 02:53 PM   #1
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Default People judging and being Jealous of others of the same gender?

I have this friend, my best friend actually, known her since high school. She was cool then but now that we are grown women (24 and she almost 25) i've found shes is extremly jealous of other women, including myself, to the point the things she says are insane and hurtful. She has never had a bf, the longest a guy has 'hung' out with her has been a couple weeks, i think this has played a part in her self esteem. Why else would she feel the need to put down other women all the time? For example shes always going on about how guys always want the skinny girls but the skinny girls are all fake because they wear corsets and shapewear and how she just wants to rip off their corsets and shapewear to show all the men that they are actually fat. I wear corsets and she says thats one of the only reasons i have a bf and she doesnt. she also goes off on push up bras and heels, and makeup. she has a few girls she constantly calls fake for their makeup , she recently said a friend of ours only has a bf cause she wears makeup on her eyes that makes her eyes change shape and size. i try to tell her makeup can only do so much, and that our friends are pretty and so is she but she wont here it. she has once went off about how me and my other friend 'steal' all the men because we are both of scandinavian descent and thats 'exotic' (white is exotic??). recently i aquired some extensions to put streaks of color in my hair and she is now talking about how she wants to pull all the 'plastic' hair off of girls heads to show their 'ugly' real short hair. i feel as though shes angry other girls put time into their appearence, i tell her she can do the same but if she doesnt want to dont be angry at the girls that like to do their hair and makeup and wear whatever clothes they want.

Sorry for the rant, but my point is I want to know if anyone else has a friend like this in their lives?
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Old 12-20-2011, 02:58 PM   #2
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Wow...its amazing that she thinks any man would stay with any woman solely based on her wearing makeup or heels.

Honestly, I wouldn't be friends with somebody that negative and insecure.
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Old 12-20-2011, 03:00 PM   #3
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Nope I don't and if I did, I would avoid that person like the plague. Your friend sounds miserable and unhappy.

Have you ever tried to reason with her or maybe help her do her makeup or pick out a nice outfit? Maybe she is criticizing because she doesn't know how to do her makeup or pick out flattering clothes.
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Old 12-20-2011, 03:09 PM   #4
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Nope I don't and if I did, I would avoid that person like the plague. Your friend sounds miserable and unhappy.

Have you ever tried to reason with her or maybe help her do her makeup or pick out a nice outfit? Maybe she is criticizing because she doesn't know how to do her makeup or pick out flattering clothes.
she has come to be for makeup, hair, clothes. ive taught her everything i know and even done her makeup for her , but then she says she doesn't feel its for her and i tell her thats cool be who you are but dont judge other women who want these things. she is really insecure i really think its cause shes never had a bf so she feels it has to be other ppls faults. its no ones fault she just hasnt come across a guy that works right with her, its getting really hard to still hang out with her cause i can only tolerate so much, lately im short tempered with her and i dont want to hurt her , i love her and shes my drummer in my band so that also complicates things alot. ive gone from seeing her everyday to seeing her twice or three times a month and emailing her all the music stuff she needs for the drums. i dont know how to get her off this view that its every other womans fault for 'stealing' men
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Old 12-20-2011, 03:11 PM   #5
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It's dangerous to generalize an entire group (women) based on the actions of one. Your friend is jealous of others, her gender doesn't really matter nor does.

Your friend just sounds like a bitter person. Best to cut such people out of your life to avoid the stress and aggravation.

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Old 12-20-2011, 03:15 PM   #6
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she has come to be for makeup, hair, clothes. ive taught her everything i know and even done her makeup for her , but then she says she doesn't feel its for her and i tell her thats cool be who you are but dont judge other women who want these things. she is really insecure i really think its cause shes never had a bf so she feels it has to be other ppls faults. its no ones fault she just hasnt come across a guy that works right with her, its getting really hard to still hang out with her cause i can only tolerate so much, lately im short tempered with her and i dont want to hurt her , i love her and shes my drummer in my band so that also complicates things alot. ive gone from seeing her everyday to seeing her twice or three times a month and emailing her all the music stuff she needs for the drums. i dont know how to get her off this view that its every other womans fault for 'stealing' men
that is so much easier to accept than you don't attract any men because you are bitter nasty and jealous.
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Old 12-20-2011, 03:16 PM   #7
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It's dangerous to generalize an entire group (women) based on the actions of one. Your friend is jealous of others, her gender doesn't really matter nor does.

Your friend just sounds like a bitter person. Best to cut such people out of your life to avoid the stress and aggravation.
i wasnt generalizing, just wondering if she is unique of if there are other ppl out there that know ppl that are jealous of others. since this is about looks based jealousy, i figured women against other women or men against other men even, i didnt think a woman would be jealous of a mans beard for example :P. basically its about those women that seem to always put down their fellow females, i know not all women are like this, shes the only one i know that is out of all the ones i know.

maybe i choose a bad title? i just didnt know what to call it. I guess women putting down fellow females would of been a better title.
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Old 12-20-2011, 03:30 PM   #8
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that is so much easier to accept than you don't attract any men because you are bitter nasty and jealous.
This is exactly it. She's blaming her singleness on these silly physical things as an excuse not to take a good hard look at why she's REALLY alone. Have you ever told her to stop feeling sorry for herself?

That sounds mean, but sometimes people like this need a good hard reality check.
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Old 12-20-2011, 03:32 PM   #9
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I had a friend like that. She actually admitted to me that she liked me the most when my ex and I broke up because I was miserable and unhappy; she added that she really only likes people when she's happier than they are. I gave her lots of chances to be a good, genuine friend and she always failed.

She was extremely moody, jealous of me and almost everyone else we knew, but when she was in a good mood we had a lot in common and a lot of fun. That's why I didn't avoid or drop her as a friend. Just like you said you loved your friend, I loved mine too. In the end tho, she was never going to change. It's not that much different from being in an unhealthy romantic relationship; after that friendship was over it was very freeing for me. Of course, there was a LOT of drama as the friendship was coming to an end-- toxic people tend to bring that. But I'm really happy she's out of my life.

There's no easy way out of this friendship, but my advice would be to tell her what you think of some of her opinions and distance yourself from her. No need to be especially polite, IMO, or rude about it. Be frank with her so she understands how you feel about her jealousy.
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Old 12-20-2011, 03:44 PM   #10
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She sounds pretty toxic.

There is a rule I follow when it comes to friends and lovers: they either drain you or nourish you.

Take stock of how you feel after you hang out with your friends, do you feel energized or drained/tired/moody? If its the former, keep them close, if its the latter its probably best to keep them as acquaintances that you see once a month.
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Old 12-20-2011, 03:45 PM   #11
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She sounds like a insanely jealous and insecure person. The constant hating on everyone sounds like she is projecting her insecurities on others and making it about them when its really about her. Honestly, this is the kind of person I avoid having in my life. They cause more trouble then anything, however I know this is not always possible if you truly are close with them.

This may sound mean but has anyone tried some tough love? I have had to do this with a friend and it was not pleasant but in the end it did help our friendship. You don't have to be mean but explaining the reasons you feel the need to avoid her but give her the kick in the butt she needs to stop being so negative. Maybe even ask her why she feels the need to constantly drag people down with her? Maybe some deeper issues will come out into the open.
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Old 12-20-2011, 03:52 PM   #12
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It's dangerous to generalize an entire group (women) based on the actions of one. Your friend is jealous of others, her gender doesn't really matter nor does.

Your friend just sounds like a bitter person. Best to cut such people out of your life to avoid the stress and aggravation.
Yes, this. All of it.

No need to conflate the entire sex with your friend. That's a cheap shot.

And when your thread title is about WOMEN, not people, you're asking about women, not people. You know?

Last edited by MariaMaria : 12-20-2011 at 03:53 PM.
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Old 12-20-2011, 04:32 PM   #13
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Wow, she's got issues...serious issues that only she can really deal with. How badly do you need her friendship in your life? Sounds like she tears you down in a big way and it's weighing heavily upon you...
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Old 12-20-2011, 06:10 PM   #14
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I mean this truly seriously and not in any way flippantly so I don't mean to offend anyone with this remark but: is there any possibility that she maybe doesn't like guys? I mean.. is it possible that she may in fact be gay but hasn't really kind of figured it out? I know it sounds odd, but it does happen and that type of venom and anger ...I wonder if maybe she's transferring a lot of that to men when really she's secretly (maybe even to herself) upset that women don't like her?

In any event, it sounds like a toxic relationship and at best she has some serious self esteem issues and at worse possibly showing a bit of psychosis that should be addressed.

I would consider how much the friendship really means to you and balance it against how much frustration it's causing.

Best of luck.
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Old 12-20-2011, 07:05 PM   #15
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I think we have all come across people like this in our lives. I think you can just find other things to do with other people. She will never understand any explanation so you can save your energy and put it towards feeling good about you. I say just let this friendship fade. Let calls go, don't answer e mails or text right away hours days weeks..souround yourself with people and women that will be there for you. They are out there, they are amazing and they will lead you to be the best you, you can be.
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