Relationships - Age differences?

[LilButterflyWings]

I got to know my husband when he was just 17...and I was turning 21. He moved to NY state(where I am from) to be with me when he was 18 and I was 22. THAT was the first time we met (until that point this was an online relationship-though we didn't meet through a dating site lol). I am 3 years, 8 months, 8 days, and 1 minute older than him (3 hours added if we factor in the time difference of NY-me to WA-him lol).

It bothered me at first...when he was 17! I was like 'omg I can't love this....boy' lol but I did. And do. It's not much of a difference and we don't even think about it. He's much more mature than the average guy his age. For that I am very thankful. Lol.

[Glory87]

My husband is 10 years younger, it's hardly ever a blip. Sometimes, it's weird when he doesn't have the same pop culture memories that I do (what do you mean, you've NEVER seen Starman??).

[cfan]

Honestly, I don't have a guy right now, but I know he will probably be older than me. I am just attracted to that, and feel my maturity matches more with an older crowd. My own parents were 10years apart, and it did leave my mom to be a young widow when my dad died at age 41 (she 31). So I understand the trepidation about the age gap. I honestly do not feel awkward about an age gap until 15+yrs. Most of the music and stuff I like is from the 70-80 era, so I would have that in common with an older guy. I think,at age 22 now, that my comfortable range would be dating up to early 30s...it just depends on the man and our chemistry.


The one creepy relationship I have seen recently is that 50+ yr old musician marry that 16 yr old girl. CREEPYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY.

[Sinoia]

And besides the age difference, we have another eyebrow-raiser-we met on the internet.

Us too! We met on a text mud (remember them?). I was an animist and she a necromancer and she killed me a lot! We still play MMRPG together =) I don't find it surprising how many people get together over the internet because it is so much easier to confide if you at least start off anonymously. Plus you are likely to meet on common interest ground to start with. I think it creates a great foundation for when you actually meet up.

I do start getting twitchy when age gaps are more than 10-12 years, because the things the couple have in common are less and less as the gap widens, not to mention the issues of one spouse dying far prior to the other.

I would argue on the things in common. Like I said, my partner is 21 years younger and we have more in common now than when we started off 13 years ago ... and that is without either of us having to work on each other's interests. I think if you meet your `right' partner just about everything else becomes irrelevent, like age or gender. I do agree on the dying prior to the other, in the normal course of events.

Naturally this could happen the wrong way around and anyone could quote statistics on same age partners dying anyway. But, yes, normally you would expect the elder to die first. It worries me but there is something people do not get if they are not in the same situation .... you discuss it and face it and live your life not fearing it. It is like anything that could be seen as unusual in a relationship - you don't let it loom over you and destroy things. You become terribly honest. I hate the idea of probably not being around for my partner later on but we have covered this ground and I know she will be okay ... it is me who wants to be around and brush her white hair when she is feeble and still enjoy her jokes.

[Arctic Mama]

I don't disagree with you - statistically, once the age gap grows beyond a decade or generation, depending on the age spread (the gap can be greater at older ages with less detriment than at younger ages) couples generally don't fare as well. Despite being young AND possessing a large age gap, my husband and I met in a place where we had mutual interests in common and our values are identical - which all but melted the weirdness of him being obsessed with space launches that happened before I was born .

In real life there are all sorts of variables but on statistical averages and in basic, general advice, it's better to look within 3-5 years of your age (on either side) first and then consider each special person on a case by case basis from there. Intentionally hunting for much older or younger spouses suits some people, but it isn't the best formula for success as a general anecdote. Common interests and similar value systems and worldviews are much better predictors of marital success than age, location, financial distribution, etc etc, anyway!

[grim]

I'm 23 and I was recently dating a man 12 years older then me, he's a great guy, really funny, but unfortunately being in the military requires me to move around a lot and we're no longer together. It was the most civil break up I've ever had. Before this I always got together with guys around my own age or a bit younger but I think I'm going to switch to older guys from now on.

I don't think a age gap is really a big deal... as long as it's legal.

[wtfudge]

My mom was six years older than my dad. It worked out well. They eventually got divorced after 20 years, but it was about financial circumstances. I think you'll be fine It isn't that unusual lol

[caliyah]

I had two uncles marry older women and they both have great relationships and families. One married a woman about 5-6 years older - they have 3 kids (20 years together). Another uncle married a woman in her late 30's when he was in his late 20s. About 12 years later they have 5 kids (big family! wow) and are happy. I guess it is just compatibility that matters in the end.

[MissGuided]

Originally Posted by Arctic Mama

I just joke that my husband was driving by the elementary school and I was so cute, he just couldn't resist. He HATES that joke

I'm only two years older than my boyfriend, so I don't hear much. But my mother is 11 years older than my father. They've been together for 30 years now.

As cliche as it may sound, it's nothing but a number.