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Old 10-26-2011, 05:03 PM   #1
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Default Why Do You Want A Boyfriend

Alot of girls want a boyfriend but has anyone actually realized their reason for wanting a boyfriend? I was thinking today about that and I feel that getting a boyfriend would actually improve my life(not saying that I need one to live or anything)
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Old 10-26-2011, 05:24 PM   #2
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I've never felt the need for a generic "boyfriend." In the past, I've found people that I've wanted to spend time with--I've even found someone that I thought I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. My desire for and attraction to them was based on my liking them as a person, not as the fulfillment of any specific role.

As far as the perks of having that sort of relationship. . .well, it's nice to get lucky every once in a while.

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Old 10-26-2011, 05:50 PM   #3
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I think I've always looked at relationships as "complicating" life. Even friendships. So I've generally evaluated relationships (even casual friendships) based on whether or not the rewards of the relationship were worth the complications.

I think it's one of the reasons that even being fatter and dating less, I always had much better luck in relationships than many of my thinner, prettier friends and female relatives (because I never dated anyone - at least not for long, who wasn't giving me more good feelings than bad).

I started using personal ads, because I decided that the best chance I had for getting what I wanted in a man, was to advertise for it. In my ad, I described myself as accurately as I could physically as well as mentally, and described what I was looking for.

What I got was a lot of weird replies. I had just about decided that I was ok with being single forever, when I met my now-husband.

Our courtship was a whirlwind romance (even though it got off to a strange start - hubby was great over the phone, but was so shy in person at first that I couldn't even tell if he liked me). I almost decided that he wasn't worth the complications.

Some times I still wonder - because single definitely was easier. Not better, but certainly easier, and sometimes I miss that simplicity.

I think good relationships are like the Peace Corps "the toughest job you'll ever love," or maybe that's just true for hermits like me.

I've never completely understood women (or men, for that matter) who stayed in lousy relationships because they felt it was better than being alone. I understand that people can feel that way, I just can't truly empathized because I have never had a deep enough fear of being alone.
Being alone, always seemed preferable to being with someone who made my life worse.

In fact, being alone always seemed preferable to being with someone who made my life more difficult or complicated. If I had truly understood how "complicated" married life would be, I think I might have run for the hills.

I used to joke that my ideal marital living arrangement would be "his and hers duplexes," and sometimes it's not a joke (even though hubby is about as good a match for me as could possibly exist).

Sometimes the life of a "crazy, old cat lady" sounds pretty good to me.
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Old 10-26-2011, 05:50 PM   #4
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I've found that when I'm not looking for love, it finds me. Any of my serious relationships I just happened to stumble upon.

Granted I met my fiancee at my college's speed-dating event thing, but I went not expecting anything and on a whim. It doesn't help that my college was overwhelmingly female (like 75%!). So I had very, very low expectations for the entire thing and expected that there would be a minute number of men—I was right!

I had friends who were going and I would have been sitting home otherwise, so I figured "why not?" It might be a fun evening if nothing else.

Here I am, three and a half years later and engaged. Funny, right?

Last edited by sontaikle; 10-26-2011 at 05:51 PM.
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Old 10-26-2011, 05:52 PM   #5
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I don't remember ever not being involved with a male since about the 7th grade. I never had serious boyfriends... just guys I was dating. One of those "guys" I was dating when I was 19 happened to propose to me and ask me for a child... and just as with everything else in my life I was spontaneous and I said yes even though I was not necessarily in love.

Now... even though I have grown to love my husband, I wish I was alone most of the time. I really miss being single, not because I want to be with other people but because I miss not being accountable to anyone. I want to go out with my friends and not feel guilty when I come home because I should have been doing laundry or just been home because it's the "good wife" thing to do.

Be careful what you wish for. If you're not happy without a man you won't be happy with one. Being with a man can add to your happiness if you're already happy, but it won't solve any of your self esteem issues. Having a man be interested is something a lot of us "fat chicks" long for, but I will praise the cliches when I say whoever is going to love you, is going to love you no matter what, if they they don't it's not worth your time. Get happy with you before you try to find happiness with someone else, in the end you'll be much happier in the long run
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Old 10-26-2011, 06:55 PM   #6
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This might sound strange, but I don't actually think of my boyfriend as 'my boyfriend'. It's a serious relationship, so if I had to label him anything I'd call him my partner, but that sounds awkward saying it IRL most of the time. To me, he's not The Boyfriend, he's just himself - he's an integral part of my life and someone who is very important to me.
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Old 10-26-2011, 07:41 PM   #7
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I used to "want a boyfriend". I really didn't date at all in highschool. Partly because of my weight, partly because I was painfully shy and didnt take care of my appearance.
But I always thought a boyfriend would make me happy.
I met my husband when I was 19 and we've been together ever since! (11 years)
Even though he is a terrific man, and we have a happy marriage, I learned that a boyfriend will not fix anything. It will not make you happier. Gosh, I learn men just make things more difficult, and I'm sure men feel the same about us! lol
I used to also think if I wasn't "fat" I'd be happy. Well, I am currently a size 10 and sneak just under a healthy BMI, so I'm pretty sure I'm not fat, at least by my own standards. And you know what?
I'm not any happier than I was when I was "fat".
Just wanted to throw that out there.

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Old 10-26-2011, 07:41 PM   #8
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I got a boyfriend at my fattest (180ish!) and he was like 160! Now we're about the same weight and he's slightly taller so it works :P I wasn't lookin for a boyfriend... I was so down at the time that, when he asked me out to see a movie, I thought he meant as friends. Which I was excited about because this really cute, sweet, funny boy wanted to be friend. Of course when he asked to kiss me, I basically spazzed (subtlely? lol) out of surprise. He's amazing. It's been over a year and a half, and he loved me the whole way through, and he is so awesome! I wanna say... count your blessings, ladies, because there's a man out there who would lve you unconditionally, and that feels so fulfilling *gushes* haha

In all seriousness, I kind of had to force myself to date him after it was official, because I was seriously in the ****ter with my low self-esteem. I became yes-girl, agreeing to dates, seeing his mom, etc. I'm really grateful I was brave, and that he was too. It def felt like we were the odd couple before I lost weight. Now I'm thrilled hah

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Old 10-27-2011, 02:49 AM   #9
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Whenever I had a boyfriend, I would gain soo much weight. Love weight. Then when we would break up, I would lose the weight. Then next thing you know I have a new boyfriend and gaining weight.

I am married now (newly), and I also agree, that men complicate life. Haha

When you have a bf, you cant only think for yourself, you have to put his feelings into consideration.
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Old 10-27-2011, 11:49 AM   #10
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Why do I want a boyfriend?
Because my husband is getting boring! lol Just kidding.

I always wanted a boyfriend because I hate being alone. I was a serial monogamist, always skipping from one serious, exclusive relationship right to the other because I despise not having someone to be with. Not exactly healthy, but I met my hubby and then it didn't matter anymore anyway. :-)
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Last edited by Latchkey Princess; 10-27-2011 at 11:50 AM.
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Old 10-27-2011, 02:50 PM   #11
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Originally Posted by Latchkey Princess View Post
Why do I want a boyfriend?
Because my husband is getting boring! lol Just kidding.

Reminds me of the old toast: To wives and sweethearts~may they never meet.
"And that's how Beowulf rolls"~ my DD
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Old 10-27-2011, 03:17 PM   #12
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I'll be honest - when I was younger I used to dream in a very vague way about having a boyfriend. But I was overweight, awkward and painfully shy, not exactly the best combination for attracting men.

Honestly, I didn't mind all that much because while I liked the vague notion of having a boyfriend I wasn't sure I would like the reality. I had never actually seen a happy, functional relationship. Everyone I knew who was married or in a serious relationship was absolutely miserable to the point where I would wonder why the heck they were even still together. I didn't have great self-esteem but I was very averse to living my life in any more pain than absolutely necessary.

This is when I decided I would become the crazy cat lady. People thought I was joking but I promise you I was about 99% serious (I was sort of joking about the cats eating me after I'd died, alone and penniless in my mansion). I determined that the only way I was going to be truly happy in life was to be happy on my own.

I made my peace with that. I had my own place, my friends, my own life and I was enjoying almost every minute of it. I dated but because I wasn't looking for anything serious and I was comfortable with the idea of being on my own, I didn't 'settle'. If the guy wasn't great on the first date, there was no second date. I didn't date someone just to have a boyfriend. Life is too short to be unhappy like that.

Eventually I met the hubs. He's not perfect but he's perfect for me and I was able to see it when it came along because I hadn't been willing to settle for anything else.
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Old 10-27-2011, 04:26 PM   #13
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Being with someone should be a nice addition to an already happy life, a relationship wont make everything better and it certainly wont improve your self esteem in the long run.
I know this from experience I slimmed down in college and managed to get to a small size 12 when I was a 16. I got a boy I was crazy about and we had a great relationship for maybe the first year, but as we dated my weight slowly crept back up until I was a 16 again, its safe to say he didn't like that and we ended. When it ended my self esteem was worse than it had been when we had started dating.
After that I met my now amazing boyfriend who thinks I'm great no matter what size I am

What I'm saying is whatever your motivations for wanting a boyfriend be it companionship, fun, conversation etc you should make sure that the person loves you for you and never settle for second best
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Old 10-28-2011, 12:09 AM   #14
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Originally Posted by sexychick View Post
Alot of girls want a boyfriend but has anyone actually realized their reason for wanting a boyfriend? I was thinking today about that and I feel that getting a boyfriend would actually improve my life(not saying that I need one to live or anything)
I am not a teenager anymore , so I will pass on the "boyfriend" label.

I had a man until recently, I needed a break. A part of me wanted to be selfish and just enjoy myself and just be me.

By being selfish I don't mean date other men or anything, I just want to go back to me. It seems I lost myself with him and I did not see myself anymore in the relationship.

I don't think getting a "boyfriend" would improve a woman's life.

In my opinion having a man in your life hinders it.
Maybe I am a little to independant but I enjoy doing things on my own, going out with my friends, and not having that responsability that comes along with having a "relationship".

A man is nice enough to have around ... but not all the time.
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Old 10-31-2011, 09:37 AM   #15
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My husband said I could have a boyfriend
if I can get him to chip in on the mortgage.

Still looking...


You CAN have ANYTHING you want,
but you CAN'T have EVERYTHING you want!
~my mama!
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