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What is my husband's problem?

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Old 10-08-2011, 11:18 AM   #1
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Default What is my husband's problem?

Well, I've lost over 40 lbs. and it has taken me 10 months. I know that's not AMAZING, but weight has always been an issue for me, so these past 10 months have been jam packed with struggles and temptations and falling off the wagon to get back on. I've been motivated to work out, then lost my motivation only to get it right back. I'm not always perfect, but I'm doing it!

The other day I told my husband I was doing 30 second planks now and he, who is in amazing shape, said, "I'm not going to be proud of that. That's average. You should be way farther along than that by now."

WTF?

He get frustrated with me because I'm not perfect on my diet and I'm not working out 6 days a week. OMFG I want to slap him sometimes. I do love him and he's not usually mean/unsupportive like that. I don't get it. Anyone else have a husband who is in shape who acts like this? I know he just wants me to be on his level, but it's not as easy for me! He said, "Just have will power." WOW! He should have written a book. WILL POWER? THAT'S IT? MAN! smh.
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Old 10-08-2011, 11:28 AM   #2
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I suppose in his own bumbling way he thinks he is encouraging you. You are doing a great job, congratulations !
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Old 10-08-2011, 11:28 AM   #3
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Oh, silly silly husband. I don't know how he thinks he's qualified to even comment about 'where you are' in your exercise and weight loss. It's flippin' hard! And 40 pounds in 10 months is AMAZING and you are such an inspiration! Consistency is the key, and I think you're handling your struggles like an absolute pro!! Your husband is not you-he doesn't know how it feels to be you, or how it felt 10 months ago. The fact that you are still at it,not giving up, doing the best you can do is more than enough. You'll keep getting better and better, and exercise will become even more easy for you as you go along. I know your husband probably just had a momentary lapse in support, judgement and courtesy, but don't let that get you down.My husband sometimes says inconsiderate things, and I know how much it can hurt. I'd really just ignore that kind of negativity though. You're doing a great job, and if it's good enough for you, it's good enough period.
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Old 10-08-2011, 11:39 AM   #4
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You're right. I guess it's just that when I tell him of a proud moment I've had I just want him to be proud of me and say good job! Instead he's like....what? That's not good enough. GRR! It's frustrating. Oh well. This is for me and not him. He can have his opinions all day long. At the end of all this it will be me who crosses the finish line with no one to thank but myself! I am the one who has done the hard work, not him. Ok, glad I got all that out lol.
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Old 10-08-2011, 12:01 PM   #5
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You could always just try telling him that you like sharing your victories with him because you love him so, and that when he criticizes your success it hurts your feelings. He really may think that he's 'helping' you by saying such things
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Old 10-08-2011, 12:32 PM   #6
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You know who says, "Just have will power" about food? People who don't have eating problems (overeating, etc.). They seriously don't understand. It'd be like me saying to a smoker, "Just have some will power," because I don't have a problem with smoking. I'm not even tempted to overindulge - just not my thing. But I understand that it IS a problem for some people.

I've met maybe one person without weight troubles who actually understood that it's not a simple issue. It's crazy - if it was all will power, would 2/3 of the country have this problem? Probably not. And the classic example, would people like Oprah struggle with weight? If that woman has anything, it's will power.

I don't know your husband, so he might just be trying to encourage you. Like, if he responds to tough love to get him motivated, he might be trying that with you.

If it keeps happening, maybe talk to him about it?

Either way, you're doing so fantastic! Forty pounds in less than a year is a BIG DEAL. Be proud, and keep doing what you know works for you.

Congrats on your success!
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Old 10-08-2011, 01:18 PM   #7
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He is attempting to undermine what's important to you. He is not giving you credit for all your hard work.
He might also say critical things about your favorite colors, clothes, friends, recipes, shoes, flowers, autos, etc. If he is, it is a power play or abuse.

You are a woman, and he is comparing your routine to a guys workout routine.
If you can talk to him and explain the situation, maybe he will change his attitude. If not, then just look for support elsewhere in the weight loss department.

Don't let him get away with any criticism. If you find him criticizing you on most things that you are interested in or enjoy, and his behavior doesn't stop, then kick him to the curb.

You deserve a pleasant and happy life.

And you've done great! WOW!

Victory is won not in miles but in inches.
Win a little now, hold your ground, and later, win a little more.
Louis L'Amour (1908-1988)
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Old 10-08-2011, 01:50 PM   #8
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It's obvious you see your efforts as better than he does....and you have done an outstanding job by the way!

It may be easier for him to work-out than you....

don't make a big deal out of this...keep on keeping on with your efforts and support him in his quest to stay healthy....

you are both young...as with most of us guys, it takes us a bit longer to mature!

Focus on your goal....the rest will fall into place.
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Old 10-08-2011, 02:51 PM   #9
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my brother used to go on and on about "will power." He was a high school athlete, and I think he got a lot of his way of thinking from playing sports. Is your husband in the military or does he play sports? I'd say try not to roll your eyes right in front of him (heh heh), and keep doing what you're doing, it's obviously working. In his own (misguided) way I do think he wants to encourage you.
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Old 10-08-2011, 03:14 PM   #10
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I'm SUPER impressed.

I'm sorry that your husband was raining on your parade. He clearly has no idea what it's like. Hopefully you can gently nudge him to tell him how to be a better supporter of your efforts.

But, way to go on your achievements! You don't have to explain yourself. Taking weight off and keeping it off is hard work. And you've lost 40 pounds! Holy moly! That's amazing
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Old 10-08-2011, 03:25 PM   #11
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Just a thought, but might he be a bit threatened by the fact that you are getting fitter/ losing weight and his comment may have been one of 'oneupmanship'.

If hes used to being the fit one, with the knowledge and the ripped body, he may feel that you are catching up with him, and will maybe even overtake him in time. Some men are very competitive, even with loved ones. x
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Old 10-08-2011, 03:36 PM   #12
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sunshinenmysoul View Post
Well, I've lost over 40 lbs. and it has taken me 10 months. I know that's not AMAZING, ...
Not amazing?????? Are you kidding?????? That's fabulous

Men are always men. Not quite realising what they're saying. I would just ignore it. But just for fun, challenge him to see who can plank the longest
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Old 10-08-2011, 04:13 PM   #13
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Firstly congratulations on the 40lb loss, it is amazing no matter what anyone says.

Secondly I'm not married but my mum was EXACTLY the same way. I just sat her down told her how much it upset me, and that negativity wasn't helping me at all, and she said that she just didn't want me to get complacent, that she was trying to encourage me. After that chat she hasn't said anything negative since, and is trying her best to be helpful. Maybe you should try telling your husband how his comments make you feel?
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Old 10-08-2011, 08:18 PM   #14
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Well, I did have a talk with him and some of y'all were right! He was actually trying to use it as a constructive criticism....even though to me it was a bit harsh! He said that he wasn't ever going to sugar coat anything and tell me what I want to hear. I said that's fine, but just take a minute first to take some joy in my victories with me! THEN you can explain how much farther I could get if I put in a little more time at the gym.

We tried to have the convo that he doesn't know what it's like to struggle with weight and he disagrees, but whatever lol. In the end I know he's proud of me, he just has a funky way of showing it I suppose. I know that he has the type of personality where he views me and my success/failure as an extension of his own. So, if I fail, essentially, he is failing as well. That's a little deep, but it's the truth!! He actually told me he was proud of me and it made me smile!
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Old 10-08-2011, 08:32 PM   #15
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I said that's fine, but just take a minute first to take some joy in my victories with me! THEN you can explain how much farther I could get if I put in a little more time at the gym.
I'm glad you had the convo. Good for you for sticking up for you! I'm glad that he is realizing that he can be TACTFUL TO HIS WIFE.

That "grrr!" kind of coaching could be ok I guess in the sports arena or the military field or something. But dang... you'd figure a guy would be kinder to his WIFE!

"Constuctive criticism" is called "critique."

If you painted a picture, I could criticize. I could go "I hate it. It is ugly. You should be able to paint much better by now!" That doesn't do anything for you for HOW or WHERE to improve.

If you painted a picture, and you tell me you were going for a realistic flower in a vase thing. I could give you "critique" instead and that could give you ideas for where to work on.

"Ok, I see it is some kind of plant, but it doesn't say "real flower" to me. You could try again and get the proportion of plant to pot so it is more flower size and not empire state building. The container could maybe use better light/shadow work. Right now it reads very flat. There's no suggestion of "roundness" to it. The color choices were good though -- they play nicely together. When you try it again maybe keep the color scheme, but work more on the showing the roundness feeling of the vase. Also watch out with the proportion of the plant to the vase so it is more in realistic flower scale. It's progress though from your last paining so keep going!"

HTH!
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