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Old 10-02-2011, 01:11 AM   #1
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Default My social life is this message board

I have an embarassing confession to make. Message boards, like this one, are my social life. I've attended numerous social events and have no problem talking to others, but I have superficial friendships (i.e. social acquantences) at best. I do have one true friend, but she lives away from me in another state.

I find comfort in reading stories about others and sharing ideas. I frequent a few message boards and it fulfills my void of feeling/seeking a deeper friendship connection. Does that make sense to anyone on here? Virutal strangers talking about a common topic makes me feel like I'm part of something whole/better.

Ever since the Internet came into our lives (early to mid 90s???), I've been a fan of chat rooms (though now I just visit message boards)...just the feeling of security and belonging.

I live in a city where it rains for most of the year. It's just comfortable sitting in front of a computer during my free time and sharing thoughts. My family says I shouldn't spend so much time on the Internet and I realize that, coupled with my computer job, sitting around for hours upon hours in a day contributes to my weight gain. I'm not socially awkward at all (thank goodness), but truth be told...at the age of 34, I'd rather spend my Saturday nights (like this one) on this message board rather than going out just to be social.

All I'm missing is a cat and I'd fit the sterotype of a single, never married, 30-something woman.

Does anyone else on here use this message board (or others) at a means of of a social life? I know it's unhealthy to a degree, but I don't feel like wasting my hard-earned money on going out for drinks just for the sake of being social, possibly flirting with a guy (though rare), and having meaningless conversations with people that never amount to anything.

Can anyone relate?

Last edited by FreeBird3; 10-02-2011 at 01:13 AM.
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Old 10-02-2011, 01:33 AM   #2
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I can TOTALLY relate to what you are saying. I am 45 divorced and spend A LOT of time online. I do have been chatting online since the early 90's, back then I was still married. I was divorced 6 yrs ago. My ex would go to his friends and spend time with him and his family while leaving me and my boys at home. Once the boys would go to bed and I would get online to chat. It became part of my everyday routine, just like cooking, working and showering. I looked forward to talking to my friends online. They would ask how my day went and things like that. All I would get out of the hubby was what is for dinner and he had been home for 2 hours before I got off of work. He never cooked for the boys, I would come home at 10pm and the boys would come running outside...MOM what is for supper???

I stay home most weekends because I am tired of being the third wheel, and I am not having sex on the first date. SO by me staying home I don't have to deal with that. I do have a very close friend that I have come close to, which we met online, and we talk, or text everyday and have since March 1st. He is divorced and a workaholic like me. We get along great.

So yes, you are NOT the only one out there that feels this way

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Old 10-02-2011, 02:32 AM   #3
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Default Hi Freebird, you're not alone!

Hi Freebird, you're not alone!

I am a member of multiple online communities, don't drive and that limits me to seeing my friends. I keep telling myself I will take classes at the gym or college as a way to meet people but that costs money! I keep saying I'll go to church more but their events usually aren't something I can commit to. I think it can be difficult too to meet new people with social awkwardness and people who can be way too nosy.

So you're not alone. If you feel like trying to spread your wings, there's meetup dot com. I have looked at it, never actually done it.

good luck!
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Old 10-02-2011, 04:05 AM   #4
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I loved your post!

I moved to Europe not too long ago and still haven't really found friends here. I have a boyfriend, but I don't especially get along with his friends (they are simply nice acquaintances, but that seems to be it).

I have never been socially awkward either, so it sort of surprises me that I'm still quite friendless.

I had a hard time with this friend-less state, blaming it on the culture being closed and unfriendly, then I blamed it on myself for not being 'cool', I actually became quite depressed which led to me feeling more isolated.

It just sort of occurred to me that there was nothing wrong with me and that it is simply harder to make good friends the older you become. I will meet people, when it is time.

Anyway, I figure connecting with people on any level is better than none. While it is ideal to have best friends that you can see and drink coffee with, until that friend comes along, message boards and such are also a good way to communicate.

But I do still miss my reality-best-friends! There is something special about laughing out loud over cocktails!
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Old 10-02-2011, 04:48 AM   #5
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I can absolutely relate!

My best friend lives a fair way away from me and we don't get to meet up that often.

I don't really keep many other real life friendships, to me it feels a little exhausting, I am actually a very private person IRL so I find it a lot easier sharing my thoughts and feelings with fellow like minded individuals online, such as on here.

DH spends a lot of time online as I do, so we both 'get' that need to feel connected in some way to the forums/special interest groups etc.

So don't feel embarrassed at all, in fact I'm glad you felt comfortable enough to share that about yourself, you are soooo not alone in feeling like that

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Last edited by Precious Little; 10-02-2011 at 04:51 AM.
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Old 10-02-2011, 09:03 AM   #6
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*raises her hand* me too

Well I am agoraphobic. Being in social situations I am not good at all. people think I am eternally shy. Even around people I have known forever.

I have ZERO friends. My entire life I have only ever had a handful of friends and none of them were close at all. I am just not good at it. I would always watch chick flick type movies where she has this great circle of friends or an awesome best friend and it kills me because that would just be so great I think.

I met my husband online even! I will go months only ever talking to him...He works 10-12 hour days 5 days a week. So I mostly sit home all alone with my cats! lol

I am very close to my family but they live in Texas & I am in NY. So that sucks. The other week it was my birthday and I talked to them on the phone. After just a little bit my throat was actually sore from talking too much I wasn't used to it! That kindof broke my heart.

idk I have met some people here or there but it is just so hard for me. No one really seems similar to me or that we have alot in common. And I find it so hard to speak up. Even online. When I was younger i had alot of online friends atleast but not anymore.

It feels very lonely.
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Old 10-02-2011, 12:33 PM   #7
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I completely understand this.

I don't think there's anything wrong with it. I spent many a nights playing online games where my socialization was not with people who were right next to me, but it was with real people, none-the-less. They just live in different states.
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Old 10-03-2011, 06:08 PM   #8
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Message boards and internet sites and Facebook are the only ways I have TIME to have a social life anymore, so I understand. With working and kids and such I simply do not have the time to go out much anymore.
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Old 10-03-2011, 06:49 PM   #9
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ME ME ME!! While the SO is deployed I am living alone, and to be honest I've never really been a social person, except on the net. If it matters I have huge social anxiety. So my social life is message boards, especially military SO boards.

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Old 10-03-2011, 08:17 PM   #10
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I think one of the best things about message boards is that everyone on it shares a common interest. I have tried other message boards but it is hard for me to break the ice and get into conversations. I come here after I exercise and see what everyone is up to. It has become a big part of my life.
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Old 10-03-2011, 08:35 PM   #11
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me too...we babysit at least one or two of the grandbabies every weekend...hubby's good friend left his so that I liked and is now with one I dont (and neither does hubby) so we dont go see them...also hubby is very anti social so my social life is mostly online and family
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Old 10-04-2011, 01:33 AM   #12
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Love your post....you are not alone. I have a few good friends but they live in another states....we also have kind of drifted apart over the years. I find that social situations make me stressed out and I usually end up with a headache. Fortunately, I get along well with my husband and daughters. I don't know why, but I feel like people have their priorities different than mine. I am not into outdoing so-n-so or keeping up with the Jones'. I really hate gossiping and women that are addicted to it. So in this materialistic, blingy society...I am the wall paper Sometimes it is lonely but for the most part I enjoy my privacy. Glad to see I am not the only one!
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Old 10-04-2011, 07:53 PM   #13
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Yup, me too. My husband used to be in the Navy, and every time I felt like I was getting close enough to a person to consider them my friend one of us would move! I basically just had my friends back home in PA, but I've been away so long it has been hard to stay connected.

Now I am a newcomer to Tennessee and only know my husband. I've tried to put myself out there, but trying to make friends feels so awkward to me.
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