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Jumping in for an update

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Old 08-29-2011, 01:15 PM   #1
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I haven't been on in a couple of months due to personal problems. After years of fighting, I left my husband. It's very hard, financially, emotionally.... you name it. I'm struggling.

Right now it's myself and our 2 kids living with my family, but I will be able to move into our apartment by the first.

I don't know what's normal and what's not with all this. I left because my husband had some unchecked emotional problems as well as some other things. He was incredibly belittling, and basically didn't want me working outside of the house (which I was ok with) or even having friends. For instance, he told me I neglected him and the kids because I took my best friend to the ER when her son broke his leg. They were neglected because I wasn't home for dinner. I just got tired of fighting with him over things that he SHOULD WANT to take care of, things that would make his life, as well as ours, better. He desperately needed help but wouldn't seek it. Things had been rough in our marriage, downright abusive sometimes, for 7 years. He's done everything from call me names to physically hurting me to holding a gun to his head until I begged him not to do it. I had given him lots of chances. Every time he would appear to make positive changes only to backslide. It made me feel stupid to keep taking him back.

Well, I left him and tried to move on and lo and behold, afterward he goes for help. Which I'm happy about, don't get me wrong, but I wonder how much of it is him just "making good." He's extremely manipulative, so I don't know if he's better for real or just better because he's rubbing it in my face that I didn't give him another chance. Every time we hit "the bottom" in our marriage, he will promise changes but never sticks to them. Currently, he goes from telling me I'm the love of his life, asking what he can do to get me back, to telling me I wrecked our marriage and he's so much happier with me gone, and that he never wants me back and he's going to take the kids from me. I'm not going to lie, that hurts. Yes, I left him, but it wasn't because I didn't love him. I feel kind of stupid for feeling hurt over that, but feelings aren't rational things I suppose.

It's rough. I can't say I miss HIM. I miss who I want him to be. I miss the good times we did have, and I can't even begin to put into words how awful I feel about him not being in our kid's lives every day. I miss the comfort zone. As bad as it got, it was my comfort zone. Now... eesh. I feel like someone just tossed me into a lake to sink or swim!

However, I'm committed. I have a job, an apartment and even a library card. My son is enrolled in the local school here. So far I haven't made any friends, and I get pretty freaking lonely, but I'm sure I'll make some soon.

As for my weight loss, I've actually gained weight. I'm back up into the low 160's. I have far bigger issues to really stress about, so while I still avoid binge eating (something I've REALLY struggled with in the past) and "bad" foods, I'm not really worried about losing weight.

Anyway, there's my update. I hope all the gals and guys I met on here before are doing great.

Thanks for reading!
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Old 08-29-2011, 01:59 PM   #2
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Wow, that must be so difficult. I'm glad you decided to take care of YOURSELF and get out of a bad situation! He sounds very emotionally manipulative and abusive and it sounds like distance is exactly what you need.

Good luck staying happy and healthy and recovering your life. You're incredibly strong and brave, and you did what a lot of women can't - you got out of a bad situation when your health and happiness was being compromised. I definitely respect anyone who does what's ultimately right even when it's the difficult road.
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Old 08-29-2011, 02:14 PM   #3
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First of all....

Second, Bravo! for taking charge of your life and giving yourself and your children a life without the turmoil that your DH brought into the family.

Third, change is hard and there has been and will be a lot of it in your life for a while. Just take it one day at a time. Remember to celebrate the small stuff!
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Old 08-29-2011, 02:19 PM   #4
will it ever stick??? lol
 
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Sorry to hear about whats going on From what it sounds like youre going to be much happier once everything is said and done. Sometimes we just got onto things for the wrong reasons and youve been able to realize this and start to move on with your life. You'll get back on the weightloss train when the time comes but right now you need to focus on you and your kids. I hope you meet some friends soon and im sure youll start getting happier as the days go by
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Old 08-29-2011, 02:22 PM   #5
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that's quite a lot to handle! hang in there, sending you all the best wishes for your happier future!
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Old 08-29-2011, 07:06 PM   #6
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I actually snickered when I read your post. Not in a mean way, but because I could have written your post word-for-word a few years ago when I broke up with my ex.

My ex was a 30-something yo male who refused to get a drivers license, lived at his parent's home, no GED or degree, and stuck at a dead-end job. He always whined about his situation but never bothered to get off his a$$ to do anything about it. When I pressured him to make some positive changes in his life, he would guilt me by saying that I didnt accept him the way he was and he was doing so much to make me happy. Everytime we'd break up, he'd promise to change and then slide back to his old habits a couple of months later.

After our final breakup (a long story in itself), and he realized that I was not going to take him back.. he called me one day out of the blue and said "I am doing so good, I enrolled in some college classes, and I got a promotion at work... *pause* Its sad that I am now the man you wanted me to be back when we were together". Too bad he couldn't see me roll my eyes through the phone

FWIW, you had given your husband enough chances. He needs to turn his life around for himself and not because he wants to get you back again. You made the right choice for yourself & the kids by walking away
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Old 08-29-2011, 07:14 PM   #7
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Stay strong. Think of what you are teaching your children; they are learning that you should not put up with abuse, that abusing your partner is not right; etc.

I think you should take this time to enjoy your children so they feel loved, stable, etc.
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Old 08-29-2011, 08:40 PM   #8
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What a stressful and difficult situation, but it sounds like you're handling it really well.

Stay strong during this tough time and keep us updated on how you are.

Hugs to you.
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Old 08-29-2011, 08:51 PM   #9
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Old 08-29-2011, 11:23 PM   #10
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Good to see you back here and on the "recovery" road....

It will probably be long and winding....

But at least you are headed in the right direction
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Old 08-30-2011, 10:57 AM   #11
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I have some experience with being divorced with 2 little ones. There is light at the end of the tunnel. Just keep your head up during the hard times. Give thanks every day for a loving family to give you support.
Don't worry about the weight loss until your emotions are more in check.

Married to # 2 for 34 years. Life does go on and get better!!
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