I am extremely nervous over my first day of classes. This is my first face to face college course in YEARS after dropping out. I might not feel so anxious if it were say an English class where everyone works independently and there are right and wrong answers and you don't have to explain everything. But this is a studio art class so I have to present my work with explanation for critique for all to see.
I guess my insecurities are creeping up. Some are related to feeling the need to do everything perfectly or not at all. I've quit many things in my life that I enjoyed because of that. I constantly compare myself to others' abilities and get very down because I don't feel they're up to par.
Then I worry about being judged for my weight and appearance (as so many of us have before). This is a freshman class so I'm sure most will be 18 year olds. After being married with two kids, things just aren't like they used to be!
I know it's silly but I just can't help thinking these things. I'm trying my best not to psyche myself out because this is something I want so bad
. I, and my family, am making a lot of sacrifices to make this possible so I don't have to continue in a field that makes me want to pull my hair out from frustration and/or boredom.
I just had to get that off of my chest. If you made it through, thanks for "listening."