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Old 08-18-2011, 12:22 PM   #1
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Hi all,

I'm wondering a few things:

1. Do you have kids?

2. How old were you when you had your first?

3. Did you always know you wanted kids?

4. If you don't have kids-what went into the decision not to have kids?

Last week I saw "The Help" and there's this line where the mother says "Your eggs are dying, would it kill you to go on a date?" I laughed and then it got me thinking...

I'm 27. I still don't know if I want kids. If you had asked me a few years ago I would say DEFINITELY NOT. Now I'm leaning towards yes but I feel like I should be more than "leaning" for something like that. I have never felt that I was "born to be a mom" or anything like that. In general I'm nurturing but I wouldn't necessarily call myself maternal...

I've read that the majority of women have their first child between 25 and 29. I for sure won't have a child before I'm 30 due to general life circumstances, but it has hit me within the last few weeks that time goes REALLY fast! So, that's why I'm curious!

Last edited by djs06 : 08-18-2011 at 12:24 PM.
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Old 08-18-2011, 12:33 PM   #2
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I have 2. My first was born when I was 32, second at 34. I never felt I was the 'mothering' type and still question it at times. I do love my children and they bring me great joy (and heart ache too!! )
Sometimes I wish I'd had them earlier. When my second was in kindergarten, I was asked by another child if I was my daugher's grandmother- lol !!
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Old 08-18-2011, 12:34 PM   #3
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I have twins and gave birth to them when I was 25.

Crazy enough when we started trying at 22 I thought it would just happen. To my surprise we had unexplained infertility and after 2 years, 3 IUI and 5 IVF (CRAZY!!!) - I finally became pregnant. I think now if I was older, maybe it would not even work.

I decided to have kids because of my genetics and cancer in my family. I was advised to have prophylactic mastectomy and removal of uterus and eggs. I was traumatized by my moms passing when I was 20 and gave myself a word that I would have kids early so in case I die of cancer they would be older than 20. I'm happy I did.
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Old 08-18-2011, 12:49 PM   #4
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Eh, don't sweat it. I'm 29, don't have kids (was very focused on building a career) but want them. I always knew I wanted kids though and loved being able to vicariously parent my sister's kids (she is older than me and had her first kid at 21).
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Old 08-18-2011, 12:51 PM   #5
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I have two kids, one was born when I was 30 and the other when I was 32. I wanted to have them younger but it took me 3 years to conceive my first. I think I always just kind of thought I'd probably have kids...it didn't become a real desire until a few years after I got married, when I was around 26 I started to feel like I really wanted them. Then of course feeling like I might not have them made the desire even stronger. You are definitely right that time goes very fast (which is not to say you don't have plenty of time to have kids if you want them, because you do! )!
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Old 08-18-2011, 12:58 PM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by djs06 View Post
Hi all,

I'm wondering a few things:

1. Do you have kids?

Yes

2. How old were you when you had your first?


mid-twenties

3. Did you always know you wanted kids?


Yes

4. If you don't have kids-what went into the decision not to have kids?
I don't really have any good advice as this is such a personal decision but for my DH and I we always wanted kids. Now how many we have total is another question entirely but we knew we wanted kids and it was never a question for me if I wanted them or not.
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Old 08-18-2011, 01:55 PM   #7
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I have 2

had them at 18 and 21 - the one at 18 was scary, as I was alone but she is 27 now (sheesh time flies) and she has been and is one of the biggest blessings in my life and her and hubby have three little girls of her own. There are many women in her mommy's group that are 40 and have very young kids.

dont feel pressure to have kids, you will know when or if the time is right for you.
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Old 08-18-2011, 02:08 PM   #8
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My frank openion is you should have kids before 30. So the chances of diabetes in pregnancy is less. Also, you have more energy. I had my first at 24 and second at 30..that was late according to me.
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Old 08-18-2011, 02:23 PM   #9
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1. Do you have kids? Yes

2. How old were you when you had your first? 43

3. Did you always know you wanted kids? I never wanted kids and would tell anyone that would listen that my body wasn't a baby making factory. When I turned 40 I had a change of heart. I really wanted to be married and have 1 child. Three years later I got married and pregnant all in the same year. I'm glad I waited because I make very sound decisions, I don't feel like I'm missing anything because i did it all before I had my daughter. I've never been asked if I was the grandmother and if I am I'm cool with that too.

My ob tried to tell me I wouldn't be able to have them but the God I serve gave me my desires. Then he (my ob) told me I would have health problems because of my age and weight (43 and 247). I took care of myself and never registered high blood pressure or gestational diabetes. I actually lost 15 pounds. The delivery was flawless...of course I requested an epidural. I was out shopping the day after I had her.

Don't rush if you aren't ready. You have time, RELAX!!!

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Old 08-18-2011, 02:24 PM   #10
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I have 3 kids, my first I had at 30, and the youngest at 37. I felt very strongly as a teenager and 20-something that I did NOT want to have kids. That changed when I reached 30. Probably in part the natural body clock thing. And, for me, I found the right person to have them with. With the partner I was with in my 20s, I couldnt imagine having kids even though he very much wanted them.
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Old 08-18-2011, 03:02 PM   #11
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1. Do you have kids? Yes just one

2. How old were you when you had your first? 24

3. Did you always know you wanted kids?I knew I didn't want them before turning 21, I got married and the whole let's try to have a baby thing just randomly came up after trying for 3 yrs we thought it was probably not meant to happen to us I started just treating my chihuahuas as my babies and funny enough when my dog got pregnant so did I LOL

4. If you don't have kids-what went into the decision not to have kids?
I was in the no kids mindset when I was young just because I raised my younger brother when mom was working the experience of taking care of a baby at such a young age made me not want to have any of my own but of course that changed.
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Old 08-18-2011, 03:24 PM   #12
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Quote:
4. If you don't have kids-what went into the decision not to have kids?
I'm 28. Never wanted children. Kids are okay, and all, but I've never been that "gotta be a mommy and pass down my genes" type of person. I never even entertained the possible idea of a thought of being a mother until I was in my mid-twenties when I did consider the entire idea of being a parent.

That being said, I do so love to change my mind from time to time. So when my husband and I got married, it was well-discussed that while we didn't want children at this point in our lives that it wasn't an absolutely never no. Though, it may be an absolutely never no... it just wasn't guaranteed.

I still don't feel like I'm in a rush to have tiny humans. I don't think I'll ever be in a rush.

I'm also one of those people that doesn't feel the need to raise my own genes. If I get to the point where I do want kids, but having the babies pop out of me isn't an option, then I'll gladly look into fostering/adoption. Heck, that might even be my first choice. Who knows?

Again. Not in a rush.
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Old 08-18-2011, 03:25 PM   #13
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Thanks everyone! I alternate between feeling young, like I should be much further along in my career that's basically at a standstill, to feeling old and like I need to do this now (which is very new). My partner is also undecided, and we'd have to go throguh IF, or adoption... The "oops" factor is not going to happen, so...

I really like reading people's thoughts on this. It relieves me to know I'm not the only undecided one, but I'm also happy for the people who were able to have the kids they've always wanted!

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Old 08-18-2011, 09:08 PM   #14
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1. Do you have kids? Yes, 2

2. How old were you when you had your first? 21 with my daughter, 24 with my son

3. Did you always know you wanted kids? Yes, I just never intended to have them this young. I always thought I would have them in my 30's.

Don't center your life around having them by a certain age. It should be the right time in your life instead. Women have kids at all ages. I'm 29 and I have friends who had children around the same time I did and friends who are in their thirties who still don't. Don't stress it.
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Old 08-18-2011, 09:53 PM   #15
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57 year old male here

I knew I wanted kids when I was a teen-ager! I had so much fun with my parents and family growing up I wanted to have the same.

My first wife, mother of my children, was from a family of 6 kids that struggled and I was from a family of 4 kids that struggled economically but less.

We agreed on "shooting" for 2 kids....

Fortunately for us that is what we had, first a son when I was 28 then a girl when I was 30....for many years THAT was the best day of my life, when she was born...

In March, on her daddy's birthday, my GRANDdaughter was born...Now THAT is the best day of my life!!

The greatest achievement in my life....w/o braggin' ...is being the best dad ever!!!

I can tell you that my kids....my step-d and the nephew I raised would agree to that too!

ADVICE ~ Life has no guarantees...raising children comes from the heart...it isn't for everybody...

As to whether you should or shouldn't.....you either know or you don't.....

timing isn't always up to you....but....

the want is.....

Good Luck
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