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Am I Overreacting?? Boy Trouble...

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Old 08-07-2011, 12:30 AM   #1
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Default Am I Overreacting?? Boy Trouble...

My boyfriend is bothering me really bad about me lying to him about something really trivial. [He asked me if I liked a certain rapper, and I said no because I didn't want to listen to that album at the time and I admitted today that I have 3 of the rappers albums]
No big deal. But because he was high, he wouldn't let it go. He said "I drive to your job everyday to see you and take you home, I don't ask nothing from you and you lie to me??" And for the rest of the night, he wouldn't drop it.
So I finally flipped. I punched him and screamed at him in front of his friends, I made him take me home, and I wont answer his texts.
I don't smoke or drink, and I've always been cool enough to not say anything about it to him, and he's going to act like this to me??
I told him I don't know if I'm into him anymore [another lie], and I need to be left alone.
Should I leave him?
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Old 08-07-2011, 12:34 AM   #2
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Sounds a bit unstable, but it's impossible to tell from one story. Maybe there was something bothering him in his life, and it just came out that way. Maybe try talking to him about it when he's calm and sober?
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Old 08-07-2011, 12:40 AM   #3
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Originally Posted by kelly315 View Post
Sounds a bit unstable, but it's impossible to tell from one story. Maybe there was something bothering him in his life, and it just came out that way. Maybe try talking to him about it when he's calm and sober?
He said he can't stand the thought of me lying to him. But it was so small and stupid, and I owned up to it, because I didn't even think anything of it.
And yeah, he's been through a lot in his life, but I'm not his therapist. I'd be there when he needs me like I always have been but I'm not trying to fix him.
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Old 08-07-2011, 12:43 AM   #4
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Sounds like you already know what you want to do! Follow your guts on this one- and definitely keep that mindset about not being his therapist!
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Old 08-07-2011, 12:47 AM   #5
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The only reason I'm having a problem is that he is always there for me, but if anyone else acted like that, I would've been gone, and I'm not just saying that.
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Old 08-07-2011, 02:06 AM   #6
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He overreacted annd behaved poorly, and you assaulted him?

Get out while you still have a clean arrest record.
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Old 08-07-2011, 02:14 AM   #7
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He overreacted annd behaved poorly, and you assaulted him?

Get out while you still have a clean arrest record.
My temper is just like that, it could have been anyone. That's my personal problem.
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Old 08-07-2011, 02:59 AM   #8
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How hard is it to just say you don't want to listen to the album? It's a lot easier to just be open and truthful and avoid all the petty BS fighting that comes with lying over piddly meaningless stuff.
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Old 08-07-2011, 03:02 AM   #9
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I have to agree with MariaMaria on this one. I would have been really annoyed with him had I been in your shoes, but I think a huge line was crossed when you hit him. The question you should be asking is not whether or not you should leave him, but whether or not you should bother trying to beg for forgiveness.

And I understand if your temper just happens to be like that and that this is your personal problem. I also have a nasty temper, and so I think I may understand at least a bit about how you feel. It's not your fault you have a temper problem. But then at least be apologetic about it. Don't write a whole post about how awful your guy is for overreacting and then casually slip in the fact that you basically assaulted him, like it's no big deal. Instead you could write a post about how awful you feel that you let your temper get so out of control that you smacked someone--and not just anyone. Your boyfriend.

Sorry if that's a bit harsh-- I really want to be supportive on 3fc and I normally live by the rule that if I don't have something nice to say then I should just shut up. But this is a huge deal. I just feel that if we women expect (quite reasonably!) that our boyfriends/husbands have no right to smack us or beat us or whatever, then they should be able to expect the same.

Anyway, I really don't want to be a b*tch or anything, I'm just hoping that maybe you can see this situation in a different light.
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Old 08-07-2011, 03:03 AM   #10
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I have a zero tolerance policy for liars. I don't care how small. I figure if someone is going to lie to me about something trivial, they'd definitely lie to me about something important. If I were him, I'd leave you. That sounds cold, but you lied, tried to blame him for calling you out, and then assaulted him. Domestic violence is domestic violence, no matter who hits who.
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Old 08-07-2011, 03:36 AM   #11
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You punched him? I don't care what it was about or how right you are, you cannot physically hit another and still be right.

You can, however, revisit the problem when he's sober and you're also of "right" mind, and end the relationship properly.

There is NO reason for physical violence between adults. You're both wrong when that happens.
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Old 08-07-2011, 03:54 AM   #12
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You punched him? I don't care what it was about or how right you are, you cannot physically hit another and still be right.

You can, however, revisit the problem when he's sober and you're also of "right" mind, and end the relationship properly.

There is NO reason for physical violence between adults. You're both wrong when that happens.
I agree with this. He had a right to be upset, but being high, there was no way you could have reasoned with him. You should have walked away and talked to him while he wasn't smoking...

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My temper is just like that, it could have been anyone. That's my personal problem.
Heck no....total cop out...if you are willing to hit, than you need to get therapy fast and avoid dating until you can handle situations like an adult.
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Old 08-07-2011, 04:01 AM   #13
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ChubbyCheeks View Post
My temper is just like that, it could have been anyone. That's my personal problem.
I means this in a kind way: you need to take what you wrote, combined with what you did and how he is... And walk away. If you're realistically going to behave that way on a volatile whim, it might be easier to work through that issue without all the extra challenges.

I'd recommend having a no-drug/no-tolerance policy going forward too. You don't catch good fish when you cast with a bad net.
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Old 08-07-2011, 06:27 AM   #14
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It's no longer a personal problem when one adult's hands touch another adult.

Might he have been focused a bit too much on a trivial thing? Perhaps.

However, you did lie (in likely an unnecessary way) and then crossed a line by punching someone. My suggestion would be to politely end the relationship, and work on your reactions to anger without distractions before you end up severely harming someone you love or ending up in trouble with the police.
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Old 08-07-2011, 09:15 AM   #15
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You lied and then hit him. I think he has a problem and the problem is you. A lie is a lie there is no sugarcoating it and hitting him is assault. And he gets high. Ths is a very sick situation, you need to get out of it and you need to learn to cope better. lying and hitting will only get you into trouble.
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