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Old 08-05-2011, 07:56 PM   #1
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I'm looking for some info on filing a restraining order against someone that visits where I live... from what I'm reading it may not be possible in NJ. I'm reading you need a relationship with the person and alot of proof for a restraining order to fly in court. Anyway, my story, in case anyone knows if there is anything to get this person to stay away from me.

The person is a minor (16) and a 'friend' my dad met a month or 2 ago; but my dad is in alcoholic mode at the moment so isn't making the best judgments. The person has come in the house and taken things even when I told him I don't want him in the house and that the things he is taken aren't for sale or belong to me or my mother. He said since my dad is giving him permission he can come in and take whatever.

Next, my dad invites him in the yard near where my room is. While I have blinds up it's still kinda easy to look in if you are near the window, plus I have my window open since it's summer. A few times I've caught this person peaking in the window ... I'm not sure if he's looking to peak at me or see what I own in my room, either way I feel my privacy is violated. Again, he said my dad is giving him permission.

Well, today, I asked my dad why don't you and your friend take the bus and go over to the beach (about a 5 minute ride away) to get them out of the house so I could wash up and wash my clothes. His friend responded "Do you know how many people get killed crossing the bridge over to the beach" I'm like LOL ... "then you just take that chance, I go over all the time and I'm taking buses and crossing streets a few times everyday putting my life at risk" he said "then good, you be the one to die crossing over"... for some reason this struck a nerve with me and I told him to just go home. I felt he took my comment and twisted it into something else to just push my buttons. One time I raised my hand; while I wasn't going to actually slap him I thought maybe it would scare him out of the house (probably a mistake on my part, but I was getting so mad). He went on to say if I ever touched him he would kill me and pulled out a knife... I guess he could see I was getting worked up... and I think in a way he was waiting for me to touch him so he could justify doing something to me. Later I noticed someone cut the clothing line in the yard that's used to dry clothes... the person said he didn't do it; but I have a hunch he probably did; but no way to prove it.

I feel threatened; and my mom is here (he pulled the knife out in front of her) and she flipped out and he doesn't listen to her when she asks him to leave. My mom is sick with a mental illness; so I guess he felt he doesn't need to listen to her either. I have called the cops, they said since my dad is inviting him in then it's ok.

I'm in the process of trying to look for a job and stuff..I don't really feel like dealing with this stress, I don't like feeling on edge in my home with someone who threatened to kill me and is carrying a knife, or that might peak in my window while I'm getting dressed or exercising and I don't really want to hear I should go die when I'm already going through a rough time.

So, besides my dad being stupid and letting someone talk to me like this; is there anyway to get some type of restraining order to have this person stay away from me?
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Old 08-05-2011, 08:27 PM   #2
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Hi, Ringmaster:

Do you have any other relatives living nearby? I mean someone like a grandparent, uncle, aunt, older sibling, someone like that who could help?

Do you have a school teacher or school counselor or clergy person or neighbor who could give you good advice?

If you are feeling so threatened, you do need help of some kind, and if your mom and dad can't or won't provide it, you do need to find some help somewhere else.

Sorry I can't offer more help or advice, but I am not acquainted with the laws of NJ. You certainly need someone to talk with about this.
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Old 08-05-2011, 08:41 PM   #3
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call and report all of this to the police...in case you need to get a restraining order, you will most likely need that report anyhow...definitely be proactive about this and document his behavior, not just with us (which is fine) but also with the police so they are aware of the situation...

his behavior sounds very threatening and sneaky, like the peeking in the window and cutting the clothesline...can you get any of your interactions on a recording? like how some ppl record things on their cell phones? perhaps turn that on the next time you have to interact with him...(wait, is that legal? im not sure)...

you can also report him for theft for taking things from the house....if your dad is giving away things that belong to him, thats one thing...but he can't give this kid permission to take things that belong to you or your mom and that would be theft...

perhaps involving the police would be enough to scare him away?? im not sure...but they need to know what's going on...even print out what you wrote to us to show the police if you dont feel comfortable rehashing the whole thing with them
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Old 08-05-2011, 09:07 PM   #4
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How old are you?

If you are a minor call Child Protective Services on your own parents!
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Old 08-05-2011, 09:31 PM   #5
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If he has threatened you, you must report this to the police.
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Old 08-05-2011, 10:11 PM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by EZMONEY View Post
How old are you?

If you are a minor call Child Protective Services on your own parents!
Yes this!! Your mom is unable to protect you and your dad seems unwilling at the moment, so protect yourself!
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Old 08-06-2011, 01:32 AM   #7
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thanks for the replies. I have called the police before (a few weeks ago) but they took 1 1/2 hours to get here and by that time the person left. I asked the officer to talk to him or his parents, but I actually don't think he did. The police officer said since it's my father's house he can invite who he wants over, which is basically true and I'm afraid that might be enough to not have any protection.

I will try going down to the police station (I read actually going there they might take me a bit more seriously) and file a report on the threats, and hopefully they have on record when I called the last time so that might count as a complaint.

I'm a bit surprised in order to file a restraining or protection order you have to have a relationship with the person... what happens if others threaten or hurt you?
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Old 08-06-2011, 01:35 AM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ringmaster View Post
thanks for the replies. I have called the police before (a few weeks ago) but they took 1 1/2 hours to get here and by that time the person left. I asked the officer to talk to him or his parents, but I actually don't think he did. The police officer said since it's my father's house he can invite who he wants over, which is basically true and I'm afraid that might be enough to not have any protection.

I will try going down to the police station (I read actually going there they might take me a bit more seriously) and file a report on the threats, and hopefully they have on record when I called the last time so that might count as a complaint.

I'm a bit surprised in order to file a restraining or protection order you have to have a relationship with the person... what happens if others threaten or hurt you?
i second/third the calling state protective services...if they dont take you seriously when you file a report...and where did you get the info on the restraining order?
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Old 08-06-2011, 10:37 AM   #9
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i second/third the calling state protective services...if they dont take you seriously when you file a report...and where did you get the info on the restraining order?
just from this site; http://www.womenslaw.org/laws_state.php?state_code=NJ
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Old 08-06-2011, 12:43 PM   #10
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Wow. It is unbelievable to me that the police are saying there is nothing that they can do about this. While your father may be inviting him to his home this person is harrassing YOU. Whether invited or not, he has no right to threaten, pull a weapon on, or watch you through a window. I very strongly agree that you should file a police report immediately and give every detail of what he has been doing to you. That along with the complaint you had made earlier would be good evidence.

As far as a restraining or protective order, as far as I can tell you do have to have some sort of relationship with the person. This doesn't make a whole lot of sense, and I'm sure will be changed in time. But if this behavior continues I would file charges against this person. At the very least what he is doing qualifies as harassment. But you could take it a step further with him watching you through the windows and file a complaint on him for Stalking. I know its not the typical stalking case that we all normally think of but looking at the New Jersey state law you can see how it would be considered so.
Here is what the law states:

N.J. Stat. 2C:12-10. Definitions; stalking designated a crime; degrees. (2009)

As used in this act:
(1) "Course of conduct" means repeatedly maintaining a visual or physical proximity to a person; directly, indirectly, or through third parties, by any action, method, device, or means, following, monitoring, observing, surveilling, threatening, or communicating to or about, a person, or interfering with a person's property; repeatedly committing harassment against a person; or repeatedly conveying, or causing to be conveyed, verbal or written threats or threats conveyed by any other means of communication or threats implied by conduct or a combination thereof directed at or toward a person.

(2) "Repeatedly" means on two or more occasions.

(3) "Emotional distress" means significant mental suffering or distress.

(4) "Cause a reasonable person to fear" means to cause fear which a reasonable victim, similarly situated, would have under the circumstances.

Whether or not he has been invited onto the property, it has not been by you, and since the threats and comments and actions have taken place against you, you would be completely justified. And if he did get convicted of stalking then he would immediately have a permanent restraining order placed on him. So if all else fails I guess this could be an option.

Here's the site where I found that and it has the one for harassment too. http://www.ncvc.org/src/main.aspx?dbID=DB_NewJersey157

So sorry that you're having to go through this! Hope it gets better for you soon!!
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Old 08-06-2011, 04:43 PM   #11
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Hi, I'm sorry you're going through this.

I used to work for a domestic violence crisis agency, and would suggest you contact your local one. You can google the "National Domestic Violence Hotline" and they have a great site with a hotline.

I suggest this if you are already 18 or older. If you are underage, yes, absolutely call Child Protective Services, or confide in an adult.

If you are 18 or older, I suggest calling a domestic violence agency, even if this may not fall technically under their scope of work, they do have experience filing restraining orders, it's confidential, and usually people who work for these places have a passion like nobody's business and will go out of their way to help you or guide you the right way. They have experience with the courts and dealing with the police.

It sounds like your parents have troubles, and although they must love you, their own illnesses may prevent them from being able to protect you. Find help and keep us updated.
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Old 08-06-2011, 05:15 PM   #12
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Have you told the police that he threatened you pulled out a knife? You must tell the police this, it is not enough to ask for a restraining order. Doesn't matter who he is or why he is there, police must be made aware of this.I can't stress this enough, the police MUST be told that he threatened you.
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Old 08-06-2011, 05:38 PM   #13
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They guy pulled a KNIFE on you. If the cops are saying that's okay because he's invited by your dad, that's insane. That is all a judge should need to know, is that this guy threatened you. In addition, the fact that he is stealing from your house should add weight to that. You should press criminal charges against this guy for pulling a knife on you, and you should seek a restraining order.
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Old 08-06-2011, 06:17 PM   #14
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Why is your dad hanging out with 16 year old boys? Did you tell your dad that this guy threatened you with a knife? And he's still inviting him over?
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Old 08-06-2011, 06:50 PM   #15
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If the police won't listen to you you must find someone who will. Are you still in school? if so, go to a teacher or counselor and tell them you have been threatened with a knife. Do you go to church ? If so, go to the pastor and tell them what you told us. I have a feeling you asked the police about a restraining order when you should have asked for this guy to be arrested for threatening you with a knife. Do you have a doctor? tell him/her that you have been threatened. It is crucial that you tell many people with authority what has happened. They must report it to the police.
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