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Feeling a bit sad, just wanting to let some of it out

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Old 07-29-2011, 12:53 PM   #1
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Unhappy Feeling a bit sad, just wanting to let some of it out

Today is my fatherís birthday, which youíd think would be a fun, joyous occasion for most. However, my father has been hit or miss the last 5 years, mostly miss. (Warning, bit of a long back-story ahead)

He and my mom divorced when I was very little and Iíd see him the standard every other weekend, 2 weeks in the summer type deal. Once I got older the visitations got less frequent as I got busy with high school life, part-time job etc. He was never the best father; during my adolescence he was recovering from alcohol and drug addictions so it was hard to really ďbe thereĒ for me in the normal way a father can. Fast forward to about 5 years ago, things started to really go downhill. He has been on disability (unable to work) due to chronic pain, fixed income, had been living in a trailer. He used to have one of those ďpay as you goĒ phones, but didnít always have the money to pay for it so communication with him was spotty at best. The last couple years he has gotten worse, back into drugs (I have heard, but never witnessed) and just this past Thanksgiving he called me to tell me he didnít have a place to live. He wasnít at all asking for my help, just telling me I suppose, sympathy maybe? I donít have a phone number for him anymore; I havenít for at least a year. Last time I heard from him was at Christmas. This past fatherís day was the first time I didnít speak with him, not out of choice, but because I had no way to get a hold of him. In the past he would have called me, but not this year.

This brings me to today, his birthday. I am doubtful he will call me, and I feel sad I wonít get to talk to him on his birthday. Perhaps youíre reading this questioning why Iíd even WANT to, but heís not a bad person, just someone who had a rough life, childhood, and ultimately got lost along the way. I guess Iím just a bit bummed out today, because this is the first time I wonít get to talk to him on his birthday, just like this was the first year I hadnít gotten the chance to talk to him on fatherís day. Itís not that he doesnít care about me (the last time I saw his living room it was covered in photos of me from elementary Ė HS) heís just not capable of being a present figure in my life. Heís just a broken down man in so many ways. I suspect heís deep into drugs at this point (both prescribed and illegal) and just miserable. It makes me feel so sad. Anyway, this is a hard subject to talk about so I just wanted to let out my feelings someplaceÖ Yes Iíve talked to my therapist but that was earlier this week and today is just THE day and itís especially hard. *sigh*

At least tomorrow will be better.
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Old 07-29-2011, 01:01 PM   #2
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My heart goes out to you and your father. I hope that you're both able to find a way to get in touch as soon as possible.
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Old 07-29-2011, 01:19 PM   #3
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I really have no advice. I just wanted to tell you that I read your post and feel for you. It's great that you seem to have minimal resentment/anger towards him and just accept the situation for what it is.

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Old 07-29-2011, 01:38 PM   #4
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and more hugs
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Old 07-29-2011, 01:44 PM   #5
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That sounds like a really difficult situation. Hang in there.
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Old 07-29-2011, 02:13 PM   #6
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I understand perfectly what you are saying. I don't feel that your father is a bad man. Life has not been kind to him. I hope you get to talk to him soon.
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Old 07-29-2011, 02:48 PM   #7
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I'm sorry you're having a rough day.

You are a credit to yourself and both your parents for having the empathy, kindness, and generosity of spirit to see your father in such a truthful, but loving light. Everyone in your life, even if they only occasionally get to be in your life, is lucky to have such a warm and thoughtful person. He may not be able to talk to you today, but I know your dad looks forward to every chance he can talk to you.

You're absolutely right: tomorrow will be a better day.
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Old 07-29-2011, 03:04 PM   #8
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Nola said it so well. God Bless you.

I wish that people (young) could wake up and never abuse drugs & alcohol, it causes so much pain. I too, have it in my family.
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Old 07-29-2011, 03:48 PM   #9
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My prayers are with you....
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Old 07-29-2011, 06:08 PM   #10
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Thank you all, it really means a lot to hear your kind words. I'm feeling a bit better since thinking and digesting it this morning. Maybe I'll get to hear from him on my birthday, which is in August... time will tell!
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Old 07-30-2011, 02:53 PM   #11
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I just wanted to share an update that he did wind up calling me last night! Plus he has a phone number and what seems like a solid place he'll be living for awhile. He also informed me he's headed to the doctor next week to talk to them about getting on an antidepressant. What a change from how everything was! Today is so much better!

PLUS... I got on the scale this morning and finally saw me crack through 150 (to 149.7 but I'll take it!!!)
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Old 07-30-2011, 03:34 PM   #12
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I am truly sorry I hope all is well now. I just wanted to introduce myself.. My name is Greg and I thought of getting involved here as I feel that I'm sometimes on my own when it comes to support in knocking off some pounds.

I sit at a computer all day and so the last few years I have put on about 100 pounds. I used to be 170 pounds and now I'm at around 280. I look in the mirror and I'm just disgusted and don't know where to go. I hope you guys can help me and show some support.

Thanks
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Old 07-30-2011, 09:24 PM   #13
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Sounds like a wonderful start to a potential improved relationship...prayers continue!
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Old 07-30-2011, 10:02 PM   #14
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Your dad can get a free cellphone with 250 free minutes every month. There are 2 companies that offer them. But I don't know the name of the companies. They do have websites where you order the phone. Maybe someone here knows of the sites.

And he can try to get into a senior high-rise. Even if he is not a senior he can live there because of disability. My aunt lived in one. I think the rent was less than $200 per month. And that included all the utilities.
The rent is VERY low.

There are also inexpensive lunches available for seniors in some towns. He probably is not eating well. He might be eligible for food stamps and government surplus foods.

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Old 07-31-2011, 04:02 AM   #15
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Quote:
Originally Posted by uwfan27 View Post
I just wanted to share an update that he did wind up calling me last night! Plus he has a phone number and what seems like a solid place he'll be living for awhile. He also informed me he's headed to the doctor next week to talk to them about getting on an antidepressant. What a change from how everything was! Today is so much better!

PLUS... I got on the scale this morning and finally saw me crack through 150 (to 149.7 but I'll take it!!!)
What fantastic news--for you and for your dad! I hope his doctor's new program of medication plus his more stable living situation does him a world of good.

And hey, 149.7 is still less than 150, so you definitely cracked it.

So happy for you and for your dad!
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