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Nerves getting the best (worst!) of me.

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Old 07-25-2011, 02:21 PM   #1
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Default Nerves getting the best (worst!) of me.

((Let me disclose first that I know what I am doing is unhealthy....but I feel powerless over it))

OK, so -- I signed up on OKCupid about a month ago. I had gone on quite a few dates with different men but one is turning out to be quite nice so far. Iíll call him MC. For 8-10 hours before any of our scheduled dates my stomach get tied into knots. I canít (and donít) eat. So on Saturday, with MC, I ate a few pieces of bread with crab and spinach dip and I had a few bites of his appetizer. Thatís it. I have also been talking to another guy and we have a first date scheduled for tonight. But my stomach has been a mess since Sunday morning. The food I ate Saturday went right through me (sorry if TMI) and all I ate yesterday was a Lean Cuisine which I had to choke down. Between Saturday and Sunday Iím lucky if I ate 800 calories combined. And now here I sit at work and itís almost 2:30. I had no breakfast except for coffee. I know I have to eat but I feel sick. Iím staring at my Weight Watcher meal getting cold. Guy #2 and I are meeting for drinks tonight so I know if I donít eat something Iím going to hurl onto his lap. But if I DO eat something I might do that too. Or, god forbid, I eat and then have a tummy attack during our first date!

Iím just here to vent and hoping someone can relate. I canít get over the nerves. And MC and I have been out 4 times already with another date planned for tomorrow. I canít keep this up. Why do I get so nervous and anxious??? Feels like stage fright.

And whatís weird is that the first 4 guys I met I had NO anxiety or nervousness at all. In fact, when I first met MC, I was less nervous then than I am now after we already met!
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Old 07-25-2011, 02:42 PM   #2
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i dont know what to tell you...i remember being nervous and feeling like that back at the beginning of a relationship...

my DH and i met online (not through a dating website but a chatroom for people in alaska) and i felt like that the first few times we talked on the phone, or when i'd get emails from him....we knew each other for a year before he came north to actually MEET me, with the plan to move in with me and see where this was going to go

i think feeling like that is common...i felt like that as i stood at the dock at 4 a.m. watching the ferry pull up that he would be on, getting to see him in person for the very first time...

maybe others will have better advice than me, but i know what it's like to feel like that...and i'd have tummy issues too back then
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Old 07-25-2011, 03:08 PM   #3
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I don't have any advice either, but I don't think it's abnormal.

Before I met my husband I'd lost a bunch of weight, from about 165 to 140. I'd maintained that for about 6 months. I'd sort of lost interest/fallen off the wagon, plus an injury meant I wasn't exercising much, but it was a busy and happy (and young! 24!) time in my life and I didn't regain. Then I met my husband. I immediately stopped eating (you should have seen all the wasted food on our first date.) I lost another 5 lbs right away.

I think what you're going through is totally normally, but it's probably highlighted by the fact that you've been so focused on what you eat for these past months. If you're not really paying attention, and you stop eating because of nerves, maybe you notice a little bit, but it's not a big deal. But when you have been paying attention? Not eating is huge.
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Old 07-25-2011, 03:31 PM   #4
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Oh that happened to me too! I had major anxiety problems with guys. I get a long great with any guy unless I am attracked to him. Then I am a huge mess. 24/7.

My boyfriend luckily didn't really notice what level of anxiety I was dealing with. Well, at least that's what he is saying. Anyways, the only thing I can say is hang in there. If he is a good guy he will stick around and it will get better believe me!

If you want to talk you can also PM me.
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Old 07-25-2011, 03:46 PM   #5
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I don't know if this will help at all. I've been online dating for the past three months or so. I get REALLY nervous in all social situations. Unless I know someone well, I'm nervous and uncomfortable. With the last two guys that I have gone out with, I have gone into it really negative (probably not the best thing, but it has worked for me). I just get ready for the date and I assume it won't go well. I guess for me this makes it so I won't be disappointed. If it does, then I'm pleasantly surprised. If it doesn't, then I didn't lose anything. More often than not they have gone well. Actually, all five guys I met online have been great.

Just know you are awesome, and any guy would be lucky to have you. If it doesn't go well because you aren't compatible, it was nobody's fault. If he's a jerk, then he didn't deserve your time.

Good luck! I know it is difficult, but just try to have fun with it!
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Old 07-25-2011, 04:20 PM   #6
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Thank you all! I'm off to meet him now. I'll update tomorrow!!
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Old 07-26-2011, 08:30 AM   #7
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I thought I was going to have an anxiety attack in my car sitting in front of the restaurant. He told me he was already there so I called him and asked him to meet me outside because I didn’t want to feel like an idiot walking into a busy place and looking around like an idiot! He came out and we had a nice hug. He opened the door for me and instead of thinking, “Oh, what a gentleman”, I’m thinking, “Great, now he gets to see my a$$”. It seemed like a very long time before I got a chance to relax but I (we) eventually got there. Our date lasted 5 hours! We talked about everything and had a great conversation. But no flirting by either of us. I definitely got the vibe from him that although he enjoyed my company I was designated to the friend zone. Which was ok with me, honestly. So he walked me to my car, gave me a hug and told me to drive home safely. No mention of a second date, calling me again, nothing. Normally I would text the guy after a date and tell them I had a really nice time (provided I did) but I figured if he wanted to pull the trigger and tell me “thanks but no thanks”, me doing that would only make him feel worse. Then I got a text that said he thought I was much cuter in person, that my smile makes him melt and he’s hoping to be lucky enough to get a second date with me! So yeah, I guess my radar was off.
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Old 07-26-2011, 08:42 AM   #8
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I can kind of relate in that I have a lot of anxiety when it comes to dating. I have only had one boyfriend when I was sixteen (does this really even count?) and I have never been asked out on a date. Probably because I have had a big "no" written on my forehead for the past 7 years. Just thinking about dating gives me anxiety and I cannot even imagine what it will do to me when I actually go out on a first date. I am glad to hear that this date went so well and you did not get the runs or puke on him. That is a bonus. lol.
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Old 07-26-2011, 08:50 AM   #9
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This reminds me of my son...

He always had "tummy" issues dating...could not eat al all when the dates included dinner or lunch...

until he dated his future wife!

Glad your date has a possible future
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