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Old 07-08-2011, 07:37 PM   #1
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Default When too much happens at once!

I don't want to be a Debbie Downer but, so much has happened since I started to loose wight April 18th. I am a little overwhelmed and need a place to vent.

~ Lots of general anxiety about the process.
This group kick my Butt-er, thank Goodness.

~ The 3rd week of May I visited family in California. My father asked for help/support regarding his drinking problem. One day later when he brought up the subject he became angry because I talked about taking sobriety one day at a time. He did not like the words I used and I discovered he was not ready to be helped. My post trip recovery was a tough one.
My step-mom, bothers and sister are amazing people and are learning how to deal. I love them very much!

~ The 4th week of May was a visit from a crazy Aunt and every part of my diet plan was critiqued (she has lost 100+ and gained it back). Happy B-Day to me!
It was fairly easy to ignore her negativity. I felt like I was on the right track.

~ The 2nd week of June the son of a good friend died suddenly.
I have been there to support her and our walks and conversation have been healing for both of us.

~ The 3rd week of June I was subjected to frenemy drama. This has been long brewing and cut particularly deep this time.
New friends have recently appeared. I know that eventually I will figure out a way to neutralize the relationship.

~ The 4th week of June my mother verbally attacked my husband and I.
No Positive
Reality it had nothing to do with us.

~ 1st week of July my mother left abruptly because my Step-Father confronted her about drinking and asked her to seek counseling. On July 4th 6 years ago she had a serious suicide attempt. As a family we have tried to move on but, this time of year is often filled with anxiety.
I had wanted to ask my Mother to go to counseling with me because our relationship has been rocky. Her drinking was not at the top of my list. But, I knew she would not be receptive and I decided to approach the subject later when I could handle a negative reaction. I am so glad I took a pause because, she would have freaked out on me. As of this morning I know she is safe but, not ready for help.

~ My husbands mother has tried to make amends via Facebook last week and this week she called us when drunk. I have not responded, except to tell her I got the message. She is not ready to hear why I don't trust her and why I will never allow her to have a unsupervised relationship with my girls.
She live far away and my husband and I agree how to handle her. We both know that she not in a healthy place.

I do have a great (in real life) support system. However, this all seems too much.

Last edited by celrae; 07-08-2011 at 08:46 PM.
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Old 07-09-2011, 12:56 AM   #2
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that's alot to have happen all in a short period of time...very stressful things...it sounds like you have a good handle on it but still...that's alot of stress
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Old 07-09-2011, 10:28 AM   #3
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Just wanted to reach out with a hug.
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Old 07-09-2011, 12:58 PM   #4
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That's a lot to deal with and I think you've dealt with it all very positively. Family problems can be very difficult and I'm sorry that you've had so much to cope with in such a short time.
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Old 07-09-2011, 04:44 PM   #5
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It seems that you have a lot of alcoholics in yoyr life. Have you thought about going to Alanon? This will help you to learn to cope with all these people.
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Old 07-10-2011, 08:14 AM   #6
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Thanks for the support, I needed a .

Right now my Mom seems to be confused, she is working with my Step-Dad and that is good. Last night I had a quick face to face conversation with her. I let her know that her behavior appeared to be erratic to me and that being closely involved was too painful. She listened and apologized for hurting me and said she understood however, she felt that she was fine. I let her know that I love her but, I needed to distance myself from her life. Normally, my girls stay at Grandma house every weekend. We agreed to take a pause from that routine. She ended the conversation my telling me that she is proud that I was willing to talk her and address the situation quickly. She feels that I am doing a good job of taking care of my physical and emotional health.

Wow, it was weird to confront a situation without being confrontational. And very weird for her to accept my boundaries yet, not be too defensive or apologetic about the choices she is making (erratic behavior). This will be a long road. At least I know that I was clear and said what I needed to say. During the conversation I let her know that I felt we need to work on our relationship with a counsolor at some point and we agreed that now was not the time.
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Old 07-10-2011, 12:38 PM   #7
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celrae, just a for you. I'm sorry that you're going through so much right now, and really always - most of these situations are not just short-term ones, and they must weight heavily on you quite often.

If you're not already, have you thought about seeing a counselor or therapist yourself? It sounds like you have so little time or emotional energy to focus just on YOU, and maybe having someone to talk to regularly could help relieve some of the stress you're coping with.

However you move forward, I wish you lots of luck and more peace in your life very soon.
Began weight loss ~ January 18, 2011 at 280 lbs
Met original goal ~ Normal BMI (147 lbs) on March 8, 2012 Goal story and photos
Met revised goal ~ 135 lbs on May 12, 2012
Pregnancy May 2012 - January 2013
Post-preg weight loss ~ January 2013 - July 2014
Now maintaining < 135 lbs

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Old 07-10-2011, 12:58 PM   #8
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Lots of hugs to you!
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Old 07-10-2011, 03:33 PM   #9
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1 banana/5 lbs. lost:
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Old 07-10-2011, 03:57 PM   #10
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chickadee- Thanks

About 3 years ago I made a commitment to do counseling every 2 weeks for 1 year. I want to make the effort during the good and bad seasons of my life. I learned that I can not control the people around me, I can only fix myself and how I react to them. After 1 year my counselor felt it was best to stop our regular sessions. He thought that I had enough strength to handle life's up and downs. The door is open and I can and do go back when needed. Right now I know what he will say so I have not made an appointment. I have one scheduled for the end of October, it is my goal to stay focused on weight loss until then and reevaluate at that point.

Many people have suggested divorcing my family, in some of these situations I am not ready or it seems to extreme. It is defiantly something my husband and I need to agree on together. A decision of that level will effect my kids and him. Each negative person will have to have separate rules of engagement or non-engagement. This is a lot of work and I am familiar with the process. Since starting counseling I have ended 2 negative friendships and 1 repressive work relationship. So I feel that I am slowly clearing out the crap in my life, it just takes a long time.

Once again thanks. This format is forcing me to really think about how I need to keep working these situations.

Last edited by celrae; 07-13-2011 at 12:24 PM.
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Old 07-13-2011, 12:57 PM   #11
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Since Saturday when I talked with my Mom there has been an overwhelming sense of depression. I have not been successful at distancing my relationship with her. My family has seen her 3 times in 4 days. She is still drinking and her behavior seems erratic to me. It appears that my Step-Dad and her have agreed to fix their relationship and her continuing to drink is fine with both parties. My Mother has never been easy to get along with and I may be reading too much into little looks or statements.

- feel great after exercising, then I gradually slip back into a hazy confused state
- My food choice are questionable, no binge eating yet
- I am having a hard time being motivated and focused.

Proactive Steps
- Made an appointment with primary care Physician.
- Called counselor for appointment
- My husband knows that I am having a hard time.

Why I am still freaked out
- I have not been on a anti-depressant for 3 + years and I am not looking forward to the side effects. I have been very successful managing slight depression issues without drugs and I would like to continue that. This just seems different, if I let it slide i will be in an unmanageable mental health situation. I don't think I have another choice.
- I am afraid I will get the wrong treatment. Primary Care Physicians have limited ability/skills regarding depression.
- To get the right care I will need to see a Psychiatrist. I don't trust them (long story).

For several weeks I have had sever arch/foot pain. I am fairly sure that Plantar Fasciitis is the problem. From the research I have done this sounds like it has a long healing process. I hate having to deal with both things at the same time.

Last edited by celrae; 07-13-2011 at 01:43 PM.
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