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Does anyone ever feel this way over Relationships?

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Old 06-23-2011, 09:53 AM   #1
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Unhappy Does anyone ever feel this way over Relationships?

I'm really curious to see if anyone understands my feelings on this..........

So, i'm not a shallow person........i think when finding a bf or gf, people need to not only consider looks, but personality!
But i also think anyone who says looks doesn't matter, is lying to themselves.
Sure, some people could careless if their partner looks like the giant troll from Bridge to Terabithia, but most people care, to some degree, what their partner looks like.
And i feel like, overweight or obese WOMEN, are told by society that they have no choice, and that they must always settle...........but i refuse to settle! I think it's un-fair for me to change the type of guys i'm attracted to, simply because i'm fat. So i guess that's a huge part of why i'm still single................i don't want just chubby chasers or guys who are settling, to ask me out....and so far, that's all it seems to be. Yes i know, you're all wondering "well how do you know?" or "did you give them a chance?" - it's quite obvious when a chubby chaser comes up to you and is like "oh i like thick women!" or some weird sh*t like that............only one guy, who i was attracted to physically, has ever approached me for a date - and go figure, when we went on a the date, i ended up not liking his PERSONALITY! Hahahaha.
But ANYWAYS, do i want some super buff guy whose ripped like crazy and model-gorgeous? NOOOOOOOOOOo! Ew! that's not even my type AT ALL! But i feel like i can't even have a preference......and like, fat guys are aloud to walk around thinking they're "big sexy" and then ON A HIGHER AVERAGE THAN FAT WOMEN, pick up skinny pretty mates - and not be told they're not good enough for that mate.

While fat chicks, GENERALLY[NOT ALWAYS], are made to feel they have no right to reach for the skinnier guys they're attracted to..............and ON AVERAGE, you rarely see fat chicks with skinny averagely-attractive guys..........if they're skinny, they're ugly buck-tooth dudes.
And again, I'M NOT SHALLOW! I'M SIMPLY CHOOSING TO FOCUS ON LOOKS HERE FOR A MOMENTTTTT.
I just think it's highly un-fair, that fat women are basically told to settle - AND THEY DO! Wtf...........i don't want to settle! I want to be attractive to who i'm with physically, as WELL as to their personality!!!!!




And no, i'm not saying things are a walk in the park for obese guys, but MAN, it is MUCH MORE ACCEPTABLE AND EASY for them to find a half-decent looking mate, then it is for fat chicks.............sucks!
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Old 06-23-2011, 10:07 AM   #2
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I agree with what you say about there being a double standard for overweight men and women as far as dating goes. I mean, a lot of people I've raised this point to disagree, but this is my general experience.

There is such a thing as being too picky, but I'm with you on not settling and the distaste for chubby chasers -- and worse, people who hit on the big girl because they think you'll be an easy lay.
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Old 06-23-2011, 10:20 AM   #3
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Quote:
Originally Posted by gtech2mit10 View Post
I agree with what you say about there being a double standard for overweight men and women as far as dating goes. I mean, a lot of people I've raised this point to disagree, but this is my general experience.

There is such a thing as being too picky, but I'm with you on not settling and the distaste for chubby chasers -- and worse, people who hit on the big girl because they think you'll be an easy lay.

Omg YES! I HATE men who hit on fat chicks just because they think they'll be more easy to get in bed! But you know what i hate more...........FAT WOMEN WHO ACTUALLY LET THEM GET AWAY WITH THAT!!!!!!!!!
I CANT STAND to see girls who are fat thinking so little of themselves that they just let themselves be used.......WTF! Drives me crazy......>_<



and yes, being too picky is annoying/wrong. You can't look like me, and expect to land a guy who looks PERFECT. [perfection is boring and overrated though if you ask me.]
But having a preference is everyones right.
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Old 06-23-2011, 11:20 AM   #4
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"I love thick women" as a pick-up line. I'm not a violent person, but I would be tempted to give him a knee! LOL I see a lot of women who outweigh their man. Personally, I could never date someone shorter than me or who weighed less than me. No skinny guys for me! So, I guess we all have our preferences and are entitled to them. Too many women sell themselves short. It's more about confidence and presentation.
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Old 06-23-2011, 11:22 AM   #5
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Ohhh I guess, I am the exception. I am fat and I have a skinny boyfriend. We have been together for the past 2 years and says he loves me for who I am. So I decided to get seriuosly healthy to enjoy our life together. Keep up the good work your on the right track and you will find the love of your life sooner or later girl...
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Old 06-23-2011, 11:24 AM   #6
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Well he is not that skinny... 6'1" and about 210lbs. Let's call him fit. I totally agree with Aimeebell.
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Old 06-23-2011, 11:38 AM   #7
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Hey.
My boy has stayed with me as i went up and down in weight and has told me i'm beautiful and blah all the way through.. I met him when i was the lowest way I have ever been and i think sometimes that if i was this size back then would we have got together?! Well I don't know but i try not to let those feelings known to him lol. I joke that he's a chubby chaser lol but I wouldnt say he was skinny and buck toothed or whatever, just normal and helthy lol well of course he is gorgeous to me lol *puke*. But yeah. he loves me for me and i love him for him you know..
but anyway... i see your point.. i know a few guys who are defiinitely overweight and think they definitely will get a model and put women down for being 'overweight' or 'ugly' in their eyes. I don't think it's fair at all.. makes me downright angry!!
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Old 06-23-2011, 12:46 PM   #8
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so just a thought here, why are men who are attracted to chubby women called chubby chasers? Why are they not allowed to be attracted to a certain type of women and if that just happens to be one who is overweight why is that wrong? Yes of course if they want a fat women just becasue it is easier to get in bed with them that is wrong, but we all have preferences to what we find attractive right.
And
I met my husband online. From his photo (taken at the beach) he looked tall buff and very handsome, I felt intimidated by that cause I was overweight but sent him a photo anyways and he said I looked beautiful. I did say in my profile that I was curvy. Sooo in saying that when we met, he was 5 foot 6 and buff but thin. I never would have gone out with him if we had first met in person cause I would have felt like a whale beside him and would not think he woulld find me attractive. Even though I weigh 20 pounds more now then I did when we got married he said he never thought i had extra weight, he must need glasses. Although I am overwieght I am proportioned well and workout alot so do have some tone. In saying that i just thought I would add that normally i would not date someone his size but I fell so inlove with him that it just did not matter. He is an ex gymnast and has a body like one. I still wonder why he found me attractive. But to this day I love his body and we both are attracted to each other.
On another note - guys have body image issues too, he thinks he has no butt and in jeans it is very small and his pants are baggy there but he really does have an amazing behind! especailly in gymnast clothes.
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Old 06-23-2011, 01:01 PM   #9
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I agree that there is often a double standard in general.

That being said, the individual is almost never "in general" and if they are, then... by all means! ... be picky and toss him back

I've been attracted to all manner of guys. Tall. Short. Slim. Hefty. Balding. Older. Younger. Accented. Mmmm...accented. Ahem. And all manner of guys have been attracted to me. You know how I mean... not in the arrogant sounding way...but in the "There's no way to tell if a guy finds me attractive based on how HE looks" way.

I'd give them all at least a chance. Unless, of course, they came up with a line like "I like 'em thick." Then I'd just think he was out trolling for numbers and ***. And, again, every person is allowed to ... toss 'em right back and be picky!
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Old 06-23-2011, 01:42 PM   #10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ashley777 View Post
so just a thought here, why are men who are attracted to chubby women called chubby chasers? Why are they not allowed to be attracted to a certain type of women and if that just happens to be one who is overweight why is that wrong? Yes of course if they want a fat women just becasue it is easier to get in bed with them that is wrong, but we all have preferences to what we find attractive right.
And
I met my husband online. From his photo (taken at the beach) he looked tall buff and very handsome, I felt intimidated by that cause I was overweight but sent him a photo anyways and he said I looked beautiful. I did say in my profile that I was curvy. Sooo in saying that when we met, he was 5 foot 6 and buff but thin. I never would have gone out with him if we had first met in person cause I would have felt like a whale beside him and would not think he woulld find me attractive. Even though I weigh 20 pounds more now then I did when we got married he said he never thought i had extra weight, he must need glasses. Although I am overwieght I am proportioned well and workout alot so do have some tone. In saying that i just thought I would add that normally i would not date someone his size but I fell so inlove with him that it just did not matter. He is an ex gymnast and has a body like one. I still wonder why he found me attractive. But to this day I love his body and we both are attracted to each other.
On another note - guys have body image issues too, he thinks he has no butt and in jeans it is very small and his pants are baggy there but he really does have an amazing behind! especially in gymnast clothes.
'

Yeah, i know guys have body image issues which is exactly why i went out of my way to make it clear i wasn't saying that thing are always a walk in the park for fat guys.
I obviously know everyone, even people you want to smack for it, have body image issues.
And i never said anything was wrong with a guy liking fat chicks....i just PERSONALLY want to be found attractive or nice enough to date for ANOTHER REASON OTHER THAN BEING A FAT A**! >(

And men who like chubby women, are called Chubby chasers, it's because they chase - chub, they like chubby chicks......so that's who they "chase" around/look for to date........come onnnn! =)






Quote:
Originally Posted by aimeebell View Post
"I love thick women" as a pick-up line. I'm not a violent person, but I would be tempted to give him a knee! LOL


LMAO!
Oh yeah, me too! And i'm not violent......but it definitely doesn't take long for them to notice how disgusted i am with them and move on!!




Quote:
Originally Posted by Bebita View Post
Ohhh I guess, I am the exception. I am fat and I have a skinny boyfriend. We have been together for the past 2 years and says he loves me for who I am. So I decided to get seriuosly healthy to enjoy our life together. Keep up the good work your on the right track and you will find the love of your life sooner or later girl...

Oh i see a few exceptions online or around the city every now and again.........and i couldn't be more JEALOUS!! hahaha.
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Old 06-23-2011, 01:44 PM   #11
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Story time:

My exboyfriend.. SUPER HOT.. I have no idea why he dated me, but anyways. Once we were at the mall, and this skinny little cashier was trying to hit on him INFRONT OF ME. Probably cause she thought he was too good for me. He straight told that girl "excuse me, but this is my girlfriend" hehe =) back when he was sweet :P

My current boyfriend is gorgeous. I never settle. Sure I get men who come up to me, and are.. not so cute, who probably think "oh shes fat, i may have a chance" But generally, all my boyfriends have been friends first, who just fall in love with me. Cause im adorable, chubby or not!

I'm definitly NOT shallow. I have dated boys that honestly, I didn't find attractive at all. But I get to know them, and they were sweet. So I ended up being with them. But I never thought I was settling. Good men don't always come in polished packages.
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Old 06-23-2011, 02:52 PM   #12
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In college, I had an admirer, that I definitely didn't appreciate, and I am embarassed to say it was because of his appearance. He was a brainiac, super nerd (physics major) which I actually liked about him. However, his social skills were lacking and he looked a bit goofy. If I would have been honest with myself, my only barrier to dating him was that I was afraid that people would think I couldn't do better. I wish I would have been stronger and more confident, so that I could have judged him by my standards, not by what I thought was everyone else's.

I've always had high standards when it came to dating, because I always knew that I'd rather be alone than with someone who bugged me. Even as a kid, I felt that way with friends. I'd have fun with my friends, but I also got bored easily (and sometimes wished there was a polite way to say that - of course there is, but a 9 year old doesn't always realize that).

I've had family and friends accuse me of being too picky, but it was my pick to make, and I was ok with that (at least once I got out of my early 20's and stopped being so concerned about what other people thought).

Attraction is a weird thing. Even when you have strong preferences, you can find yourself attracted to someone you never thought you would be, and that doesn't mean settling, or even compromising. It just means that sometimes you find yourself attracted for reasons you can't even identify.

I wouldn't have given my husband a second glance if I'd met him through friends, or randomly in person. On paper, he looked like the worst match for me, possible. I had my masters degree, he didn't finish college. I made more money. I was 4 years older. I'd never dated anyone who was that much younger or who weighed more than I did. He was more religious than I was. He smoked (almost a deal-breaker, because I was deathly allergic to cigarette smoke, at the time). On almost every socio-political issue, he was conservative where I was liberal, or liberal where I was conservative.

I met him through a personal ad I placed, and while he had seen my photo with the ad I placed, I didn't see his photo until a few days after we'd been talking on the phone. I was initially a little disappointed, and I'm not sure why. Maybe it was his size, or his moustache (I've never been fond of facial hair), or his casual dress. I'm not sure, but I never would have picked him out of a catalog.

But none of that mattered because I got hooked on his personality, before I'd seen him. If it had worked the other way around, maybe we wouldn't be together.

What he did have, that none of my previous bf's had had, was a bold, confident personality, and he shared my weird sense of humor, and generally understood me in a way, no one else had before. And the more I got to know him, the more attractive he became. He had a bit of a sterotypical "biker" appearance, which I later decided was more viking-biker, because of the lovely auburn and red hair (and I was falling for him, so things I hated were becoming things I loved, just because attraction seems to work that way, sometimes). He also has these beautiful eyes that defy a color description. Not gray, blue, or green, but a combination of all three.

He had a lot of traits I was happy with, and a few that I wasn't, but I didn't "settle," I weighed the pros and the cons of the whole package, and decided the pros outweighed the cons enough for me to date him a while, and see where things went, if anywhere. And the more time I spent with him, the more pros I saw, and the less important the cons seemed.

To some degree, I think almost everyone "settles" a little. I don't mean by that that everyone gets desperate and lonely and takes whoever they can get. Instead, what I mean is that we all have this checklist in our head that we compare real people against, and the odds of finding a person with everything we think we want, is pretty slim. It's not really settling to give someone a chance who meets most, but not all of what you want. It's ok to learn that some of what you thought you wanted, isn't really all that important after all.

Of course you can decide that all of the traits on your checklist are non-negotiable, which could make you search a little more difficult, but it's your search. You get to decide which if any traits you want in a partner are "nice to have, but not necessary" and which are "must haves."

I do think also, that at any weight, we all struggle between what we want, expect, and choose personally for ourselves, and what we think we're expected to want, expect, and choose (and how much we let that influence us - how willing we are to be different and to let the difference show to others, also).
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Old 06-23-2011, 02:55 PM   #13
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I agree with Ashley about the label "chubby chaser". It doesn't make sense that they're labeled for liking bigger girls, but I'm not a chubby chaser and I would only ever date bigger guys unless they really won me over. Why can't a guy like a big girl without being labeled and turned away because he likes their body (but they don't want to be liked for their body because THEY don't like their body) but I can totally like a big guy for his body and not be labeled at all? I dunno, I just hate labels I guess.
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Old 06-23-2011, 07:34 PM   #14
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Correct me if I'm wrong, but I think there's a difference between "chubby chaser" -- as I understand it, a person who fetishizes fat/a larger figure -- and a person who simply has a physical preference for larger women. I welcome overtures who appreciate my curves, among my other qualities, but I don't want to be hit on simply because I'm the biggest girl some guy spots at the bar.
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Old 06-23-2011, 07:38 PM   #15
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How do you deal with a boyfriend who is ashamed to be in love with a fat person?
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