I am just making an educated guess, but did your husband start doing drugs all those years before?
In my personal experiense people around me that changed from nice house-dad to failed-gangster were almost always addicts desperate to find money to support their problems.
Anyways, guesses aside, I think both you and your kids have been treated worse than you deserve and you should perhaps think how much more you can and should take of this.
You don't hide from your wife that there is a prison sentence looming over your head, unless... there is a reason. And that reason stinks a mile away.
I'm glad you're sitting down with the lawyer together to get to the bottom of the prison sentence. Everyone is right, jail/prison time doesn't happen after the prison sentence unless probation was broke or something happened.
And, here's the hard thing, abusive relationships are so hard to deal with. When you feel low about a small thing, someone who is suppose to care about and love you, can take advantage of it and use it as a control. My ex did this, I felt ugly so he would tell me I was but that, "He loved me anyway, isn't it nice to know that he loved me considering no one else would?" You start to feel like they are all you have and all you can have. They have good sides, charming sides, they tell you they are looking for a job and pretend to. Later you find out lies like that they haven't submitted a SINGLE application and even hint that you could take care of them if you worked harder. Sad thing is, you know it's abusive or about to be. You know there is a problem, you know that the "strong" women wouldn't put up with it. But you also know that you "love" them, you know they have a way of making you feel special and wanted.
Here it comes. Look past the B*ll Sh*t. YOU ARE WORTH MORE!
You are worth more than the lies they give you about doing good on probation.
You are worth more than someone who tells you that you are "big" and are "lucky" to have them.
You are worth more than moving into your moms basement, no matter the reason.
You are worth more than someone who commits crimes.
You are worth more than someone who loves you only when it's convenient to love you.
You are worth more than ANY of what you have gone through.
Maybe you love him, and care about him. But you can't be his crutch forever someday you'll need to find someone who can appreciate you for you, and trust me.... relationships are so different when they are loving on both sides. You think you're so happy with who you are with and that that is love, but trust me, once you find someone who treats you right, even if they aren't Mr. Right, relationships suddenly look a little more "Romantic Comedy" and less "Horror"
I'm glad you're sitting down with the lawyer together to get to the bottom of the prison sentence. Everyone is right, jail/prison time doesn't happen after the prison sentence unless probation was broke or something happened.
And, here's the hard thing, abusive relationships are so hard to deal with. When you feel low about a small thing, someone who is suppose to care about and love you, can take advantage of it and use it as a control. My ex did this, I felt ugly so he would tell me I was but that, "He loved me anyway, isn't it nice to know that he loved me considering no one else would?" You start to feel like they are all you have and all you can have. They have good sides, charming sides, they tell you they are looking for a job and pretend to. Later you find out lies like that they haven't submitted a SINGLE application and even hint that you could take care of them if you worked harder. Sad thing is, you know it's abusive or about to be. You know there is a problem, you know that the "strong" women wouldn't put up with it. But you also know that you "love" them, you know they have a way of making you feel special and wanted.
Here it comes. Look past the B*ll Sh*t. YOU ARE WORTH MORE!
You are worth more than the lies they give you about doing good on probation.
You are worth more than someone who tells you that you are "big" and are "lucky" to have them.
You are worth more than moving into your moms basement, no matter the reason.
You are worth more than someone who commits crimes.
You are worth more than someone who loves you only when it's convenient to love you.
You are worth more than ANY of what you have gone through.
Maybe you love him, and care about him. But you can't be his crutch forever someday you'll need to find someone who can appreciate you for you, and trust me.... relationships are so different when they are loving on both sides. You think you're so happy with who you are with and that that is love, but trust me, once you find someone who treats you right, even if they aren't Mr. Right, relationships suddenly look a little more "Romantic Comedy" and less "Horror"
You are so right girl! there needs to be love on both sides to make it work and when there is it is the most wonderful beautiful thing in the world and nothing else matters! Well said
You've got some great advice going on here everyone! =)
You have every right to feel as you do and I'm giving you the biggest eHug or shoulder to lean on. That's not cool at all.
I hope all goes well with your meeting and that you get the answers you need, whatever they may be. If they are not what you were hoping for, I hope you take the time to learn how special you are and how you deserve to be treated better than that, whatever his issues may be.
RB
GET OUT, GET OUT, GET OUT! AND START LIVING YOUR LIFE! Don't put your life on hold for someone else to get their act together. You don't need or deserve that sh**.
My ex husband is currently in prison for the second time since we divorced 7 years ago. He had similar behaviors while we were together. I got out before there was actually any legal trouble. I think part of it is mental illness, and the other part is substance abuse-people just don't have radical personality changes without something like that. Shortly after we married my life consisted of almost daily mental abuse and occasional physical abuse, and I found out he cheated-which is why I finally left. I was devastated at the time, but when I look back and remember how I felt back then day to day I thank God that those things happened because they led to me saying NO MORE.
There is no such thing as being sentenced prison time on the end of your probation/parole. That would defeat the entire purpose. The first time my ex got out, he had 4 years and if he violated....even if it was 2 days before it was supposed to be over-he could be sentenced to the entire 4 years. It depends on the severity of the violation. You can get no prison time just extended probation, the entire time, or any amount of time in between. They ended up leaving it open and holding him on that probation violation for 16 months until his trial for the new crime, but then they ran the sentences concurrent (I may be using the wrong word there, he got credit for time served on the new sentence even though the time before trial was for the violation).
I know what it's like to want to believe the lies. I know what it's like to want to believe someone has changed. And I know what it's like to love someone who is logically just bad for your life. It's not easy to let go of something you have fought so hard for so long to save, it feels like defeat. But once you make it through the proverbial ripping off of the bandaid, you cannot imagine how positively different life can be without these issues.
To this day my ex still swears he loves me and is changed. From jail. Again. The only effect it has on me now is exasperation and annoyance that he is even trying to contact me.
Having been there, I know that no matter what anyone says you are only going to say enough is enough when you are ready. Right now, you should atleast be aware of the fact that he is probably not being completely honest about what is going on with his probation. You have every right to know exactly what is going on simply because it affects your life just as much as his, if not more. You're the one who will have to deal with everything-kids, bills, house-while he sits in a cell.
I'm not saying people can't change. It just doesn't happen as often as we'd hope.
I'm sorry you're going through this, I'm sure it has to be relly tough. I have never heard of them doing prison time after probation either. My first thought was that he had violated probation. After thinking about it that doesn't make sense either. Here in Texas if someone violated probation they go to jail, then court and then their sentence is decided. The whole thing seems very confusing.
You need to question how you really feel! If you guys have been doing better since you got back together you need to research what the attorney acctually told him, and how you feel about it. If he truely didn't tell you just because he was under the impression that it would be dropped if he did everything he needed, then he was just trying to spare scaring you from what could happen if he didn't. If he is the type to pay things off and take care of stuff, he was probably sure it would be okay.
I had a friend in a similar situation, he was told one thing by an attorney and told that if he did 2 weeks in jail and served 3 years of probation all of this stuff would go away.. He was betrayed, the attorney lied just to get him to sign the agreement, he ended up doing 5 years probation and 6 more months in jail because he was under false assumptions by his attorney.
So definately check out the situation and see what's really going on. Maybe the two years will be great for you to do some soul searching!
Best of luck dealing with this situation! My first thought when I read your initial post was that he'd committed another crime and was going to prison to serve for that one/violated his parole and it's easier to blame the system than to take responsibility for what actually occurred. Regardless of what the situation is, it sounds like he's deliberately kept you uninformed. I'd meet with the PO without him there, if you can do that. Ask away - ask the questions you want to know, regardless of him being present if he is. With the lawyer, with anyone. You need to know what's going on to be the informed parent you need to be.
I am praying for you.. Remember people change in life.. Sadly your husband changed for the worse. ... i would say move on..
hugs.. its not easy. but sometimes its the only way.
