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I need wisdom and help, please.

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Old 05-04-2011, 11:00 PM   #1
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Default I need wisdom and help, please.



I need the wisdom and help from you lovely
people here at 3FC to help me with something.

I'm done lying to people and I'm going to be open and honest.

I haven't been on much since I've been doing much
recovery from an eating disorder that I've had
since 2010. And I've finally gotten to the point
where I can talk openly about it and not mask it.

I've actually gained ten pounds from recovery
and I'm slowly but surely getting back to healthy.

I found out yesterday that I went from severely
anemic to a little above normal. Horray for
huge progress!

Here comes the problem...

Since I've been so open and honest about my
recovery, I've noticed some things.

A young girl who looks up to me a lot wants
to become "pro-ana" (a slang term for promoting anorexia).

She believes it's a fad and that it'll help her lose weight.

I tried desperately to explain to her that having
a mental illness isn't something you can think
about one night and decide you want it, and that
being "pro-ana" will cause her nothing but shame and harm.

She's only 13, folks. I do blame myself greatly...
I feel as if opening up about my disorder (to raise
awareness and help myself to heal) has exposed
her to thinking that a disorder will help her lose weight.

She doesn't seem too set on it.

I'm not sure if she's telling me this for attention
or for the attention she'll receive from others.

Either way I don't care. I'll give her all the attention
she wants. I'll listen to whatever she has to say
and I'll continue to promote being fit and healthy.

I've created a new blog called "Finding Fit Again"

Hopefully once she starts seeing my positive
turn-around and determination to become
healthy again she'll follow in my footsteps.

My question is:
What would YOU do?
How would you handle someone you know
tell you they want a disorder?
What should I say to her next time this comes up?

I'm trying for it not to get to the point
of me telling her parents. I've never talked
to them and I'm not sure if they'll comprehend
what I'm saying (they're from Puerto Rico,
so their English isn't very good).

I'm greatly confused.
I'm trying desperately to recover to better
myself and now I must worry what impact
I'm making on others.
Should I stop being so open? The last thing
I want to do is trigger someone elses disorder...


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Old 05-05-2011, 12:08 AM   #2
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Oh, and another thing I was thinking...

I hid my disorder VERY well, so maybe
the fact that she's telling me up-front
and bluntly that she wants to do this
is an early cry for help.

Maybe it's her way of crying out for
guidance and a leader to look up to?

I'm not sure. I'm not her and her emotions
tend to be a roller-coaster. One day
she's positive and healthy, and the next
day she wants to harm herself.


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Avid video game collector (8-bit to HD, pc, handheld, etc.)
Currently collecting games for my N64. Currently searching for a Magnavox Odyssey console.
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Old 05-05-2011, 12:57 AM   #3
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You need to tell her parents. At 16, there is only so much you can do and the responsibility for this girl's health is a very great one, and one that belongs to her parents.
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Old 05-05-2011, 10:59 AM   #4
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At this point you should take care of yourself above all and STOP thinking about anorexia. Helping or not helping others with their eating disorders is just another way for you to hold on to a bad habbit from a different angle.
Get well first and lead by example not words.

I wish you the best and sorry for the tough love. I wouldn't do it if I didn't think you need it.
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Old 05-05-2011, 11:13 AM   #5
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Research, show her pictures of what anerexic can look like when you go too far. I mean do the exterme measures where the chicks look like dead skeletons and ask her if thats what she really wants to look like? Be blunt and harsh with her. She's 13 yes, and she obviously looks up to you so she'll probably listen to you. Don't be passive agressive about it either, be flat out blunt and harsh about it. She's young and stupid she doesn't know better, (trust me we were all like that at age 13 I remember half of the dumb **** I used to do.) she's probably seeking out attention but in the end she could be killing her self esteem and confidence at a young age by being dumb. It happens. Talk to her parents as well, make it well aware to her that it isn't cool to be Pro-ana and that it's a mental illness and isn't something you would wish on your worst enemy. Don't blame yourself for her actions either that will only make matter's worse for you and make you feel bad about things you really have no control over.
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Old 05-05-2011, 11:22 AM   #6
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I agree that you need to tell her parents. Find someone to translate if you need to. The girl may be mad at you for it, but her health is more important than that. If it were my 13 year old, I would want you to tell me. If you had a daughter in the future, wouldn't you want to be told?
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Old 05-05-2011, 12:00 PM   #7
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It's your responsibility to get her some help, but not to help her on your own.

2 examples: When I was a high school gym teacher, a student of mine was anorexic. I called her parents who got her in with a nutritionist specializing in eating disorders. She recovered. There was also a student wrestling athlete who was bulemic. I told his coach. He recovered. I do not take responsibility for their recovery, it's just what you should do. Same thing if someone told you their plans of suicide. It is your responsibility to get that person help, but not your expertise or responsibility to do the helping.

Your plate is full. Pass this off onto parents and professionals and forgive yourself that that's all that you can do.

Congrats to you for conquering anorexia. I think that you sharing your story will help people. Focus on the bad health effects when you share and not on the weight loss aspect of it. There are serious risks, as you know, and someone who is looking at anorexia as a weight management program may not know all the bad poor nutrition will do.
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Old 05-05-2011, 05:33 PM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by fitness4life View Post
It's your responsibility to get her some help, but not to help her on your own.

2 examples: When I was a high school gym teacher, a student of mine was anorexic. I called her parents who got her in with a nutritionist specializing in eating disorders. She recovered. There was also a student wrestling athlete who was bulemic. I told his coach. He recovered. I do not take responsibility for their recovery, it's just what you should do. Same thing if someone told you their plans of suicide. It is your responsibility to get that person help, but not your expertise or responsibility to do the helping.

Your plate is full. Pass this off onto parents and professionals and forgive yourself that that's all that you can do.

Congrats to you for conquering anorexia. I think that you sharing your story will help people. Focus on the bad health effects when you share and not on the weight loss aspect of it. There are serious risks, as you know, and someone who is looking at anorexia as a weight management program may not know all the bad poor nutrition will do.


I agree that I should tell her parents,
but I suppose I'm afraid of the unknown.

She lives with her grandmother who doesn't
have a facebook, her mother ran out on her
when she was young, and the only way I can
contact her dad would be through facebook
(and, again, he speaks very little English).

And I also agree that I should worry about
my own recovery before I start trying to
help others with theirs.

Ugh. It's so much at once.

For now I should really try to better myself
and show her that you can be happy and healthy.
Maybe I should suggest to her about getting
a counselor to talk to. It's helped me out tons
sitting down for even an hour and just spilling
out my emotions to someone who'll simply listen.


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Avid video game collector (8-bit to HD, pc, handheld, etc.)
Currently collecting games for my N64. Currently searching for a Magnavox Odyssey console.
Let's talk video games!


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Old 05-05-2011, 08:35 PM   #9
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Have you checked out the eating disorders part of this forum? You might find some great advice there as well.

IA with the others. I think it is fantastic that you are recovering but somebodyelse should be helping her. Is there and anorexic anon group out there? I'm not trying to be flippant, I honestly don't know.

Could you possibly call her school and talk with the councellor? This person can leave your name out of it and just say they'd observed her or something.

Grandma may be the best bet. Sounds like her little life has been ****.
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Old 05-06-2011, 06:38 PM   #10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cbmare View Post
Have you checked out the eating disorders part of this forum? You might find some great advice there as well.

IA with the others. I think it is fantastic that you are recovering but somebodyelse should be helping her. Is there and anorexic anon group out there? I'm not trying to be flippant, I honestly don't know.

Could you possibly call her school and talk with the councellor? This person can leave your name out of it and just say they'd observed her or something.

Grandma may be the best bet. Sounds like her little life has been ****.


I wasn't aware there was one.

Would you mind giving me the link?
I checked around but I still don't see it.


__________________
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Avid video game collector (8-bit to HD, pc, handheld, etc.)
Currently collecting games for my N64. Currently searching for a Magnavox Odyssey console.
Let's talk video games!


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