[WendeeLou]

Originally Posted by sacha

I understand that as a Christian your marriage vows are obviously very serious to you. I would recommend you read marriagebuilders.com which is a website dedicated to saving your marriage and from a Christian perspective.

However,

Even marriagebuilders.com recognizes that you cannot save a marriage when one person is an addict. If a man is a multiple cheater, user of prostitutes, and cannot give up porn to save his family, then he is an addict. No question about that. At least the site and program can help you get through this and understand what is going on, and how to resolve it (whether that be together or divorce).

I really hurt to see that you are struggling with infertility. Unless this man can learn to control his addiction, it is dangerous to have a child with him. A known user of prostitutes who clearly refuses to stop his compulsive ways WILL eventually catch an STD, whether it be herpes or HIV. There is a huge growing number of honest, faithful wives in North America who are becoming infected with HIV and it's because of their philandering husbands. When you conceive a child, because one day you WILL become a mother, it is frightening to think that just one sexual encounter with your husband can leave you and your baby open to these infections. Not to mention a child raised to believe that this sort of behaviour is okay, to have a son who treats his wife like that, or a daughter in your position.

I know that he isnt out there cheating anymore.. We moved from Las Vegas to Boise Idaho. His time is accounted for, and I trust he isnt out doing all that anymore.. I am going to post a response at the bottom with what has been revealed.. so check that out.

[WendeeLou]

So I thought I would share with all of you what has come about in this mess...
I am embarrassed to admit it, but he really didnt look at the porn.

My brother in law is an IT guy, and him and husband actually built the computer he uses. I called him to ask how all of this works because my husband denied with everything in him, being on those sites. We were able to look at the history on the browser to show the time the sites were visited and the duration the browser was on the page...

The website was visited at 19:36:32 (7:36pm) well.. we were at Bible Study from 7pm-8:45ish. It couldnt have been him. Also the durration for each page was less than one minute. My brother in law scanned for viruses and is working on the comp.

I feel completley awful because in all of my anger, I totally ranted and raved only about the past and thee negativity.

My husband did some very awful things, but this has been years ago. He has since given his life to GOD, and everyday we pray for strength in our marriage, and he prays for strength in his flaws. I am not making excuses, but my husband does have a lot of issues, he was sexual abused as a child (which could be the reason his count is so low). And had a very bad childhood. I am not saying that what he did was okay, but what I am saying is that he has issues, awknowledges them, and is trying very hard to work on them.

I feel like a fool. I should have investigated more before I made a big mess over this.
I so appreciate everyones responses and caring love. Such an amazing group of women here!

[CrystalZ10]

Sorry your going though so much but I am happy to hear he is trying so hard to be a better person. {{hugs}}

[4star]

I just gotta ask b/c you seem to be making a lot of consessions for this relationship. Does he want all these same things you want in building this life or is he just "playing house" with you? Some people have great intentions but just can't get past themselves to commit and follow through.

If you weren't married and trying to concieve and you knew all of this about him would you really choose him for a life partner? He doesn't sound like a very strong partner if you have to worry about him so much. JMHO and I am so sorry to ask all of these questions but when our self-esteem is harmed we make excuses and concessions for things we'd never stand happening to anyone else.

Life will steer you in the direction you are supposed to go but you might want to consider if this infertility thing and the rest is the end all and be all of you. Life is messy but it works out. Don't hang your self-esteem on this relationship. You may have needed to go through this to meet a man that you don't have to worry about. Sometimes we aren't meant to stay someplace that we struggle to make that place better, sometimes we struggle so we know to move along.

****Ok just read your latest update but please consider the part YOU play in YOUR life and know that whomever else might come or go, YOU are the constant in YOUR life and you are meant to honor that.

[WendeeLou]

4Star- thanks for your response. Dont be sorry for asking these questions! They are the same ones I have thought about and asked HIM!!

I knew what he had done to me before I married him. He had to prove himself to me, and that he wanted to change. When I found out about all the other stuff (years ago) I was gone. I left him, he begged and pleaded and was willing to do ANYTHING. That inculded not even being on the computer, going to counciling, and his life was completley transparent. He had so many issues, like a drug addict recovering from their issues. It was hard, hard for him, and hard for me to get over and forgive for what happened.

I KNOW for a fact that he is trying to do right and be a better person. He gave his life to Jesus Christ in October of 2008- and we havent had any instances since then (with the exception of this crazy situation). And I know that he wants a family more than anything. I feel terrible for even posting this before really knowing what was going on, but you know how your emotions are when you are upset.

I really appreciate your response though, and believe me, after its all said and done, if I know anything, its that I am number one and most important.

[4star]

Maybe this will be good for you guys, like getting down to that last layer to be sorted so you can make peace with what happened in the past and put it behind you.

[cherrypie]

so who looked at the porn? it's a mysery now.

reminds me of a similar instance in my life where I thought the babysitter had been looking at porn and I was all freaked out but it turned out to be my husband. which in our relationship is perfectly all right.

[sisypheanme]

There will come a day when you reach your maximum tolerance level....then the winds of change will blow! I also just echo those concerned about starting a family. Be so careful in the decision to bring a child into a situation that you find uncomfortable. I think porn is a strong hold and once in it--it is hard to get out of. It is an addiction like gambling or drugs. You are intelligent, beautiful, and shouldn't settle for anything less than your expectations.

[DixC Chix]

Originally Posted by WendeeLou

... and I trust he isnt out doing all that anymore..

Trust - yes but verify.

Since you have some feelings about this issue that have popped up, ask him to live transparently again.

[WendeeLou]

He has agreed to do so, in fact, God works in mysterious ways...

He met a man where he works who is a minister. Turns out this fella used to have a sex addiction as well... He now works with men who struggle with these issues. My husband and him have been talking quite a bit and it seems as though this man may very well help my husband!

Very exciting to see God's hand in our lives!!

Thanks again for all the support!