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Am I a crazy person?

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Old 04-13-2011, 04:53 PM   #31
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We talked about that issue and I said if he wants something foing for him I want something in return. I said I can't deal with it all. And he huffed and pufed for a few days if I asjed him to domething but now he helps out a bit more. By a bit I mean he does the odd bit off washing up or hoovering...I get the odd cup of tea...still better than it was though
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Old 04-13-2011, 04:59 PM   #32
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We talked about that issue and I said if he wants something foing for him I want something in return. I said I can't deal with it all. And he huffed and pufed for a few days if I asjed him to domething but now he helps out a bit more. By a bit I mean he does the odd bit off washing up or hoovering...I get the odd cup of tea...still better than it was though
Is "better than it was" enough to make you happy for the rest of your life?
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Old 04-13-2011, 04:59 PM   #33
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...mm they do have a daughter together. I have to see her every weekend...

And I was thinking about getting a hammer. But I've got a pair of scissors and am cutting it up into as many pieces as I possible
Sorry, am I misunderstanding this or are you destroying his wedding video? That's outrageous. You have no right to do that.

Look, I'll be blunt. You are clearly not mature enough to handle being in a relationship with someone who was previously married and had a child. That's okay. You are young and do not need to take that on if you are not ready.

He was incorrect to not tell you in the beginning - but you chose to stay and that's that. Your actions after seeing this video are not okay. Him calling you a c*nt is not okay. It's time for you to move and do some growing/maturing. And for him to do the same.
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Old 04-13-2011, 05:03 PM   #34
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He asked me to destroy the video this morning. (I meant to say that) but I didn't.
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Old 04-13-2011, 05:04 PM   #35
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Better than it was is good enough for now. If I forced him to do half I think things would not work out very well. Baby steps...
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Old 04-13-2011, 05:06 PM   #36
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Don't get caught wanting a relationship because it's A RELATIONSHIP. I know several young women who have done that - wanted to be with someone and they took abuse and disrespect because, after all, they were with someone regardless of how they were treated.

What do YOU want to change? Do you see what you want happening? Realistically? If he "can't" discuss things at this point, then ... that says a lot.
You're young and it sounds like you're being manipulated. Go away, come here, I hate you, i love you.
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Old 04-13-2011, 05:10 PM   #37
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But take your boyfriend and his daughter, ex wife and all baggage out of the equation.

What do YOU want from a relationship and marriage for the rest of your entire life, for the rest of your days?

Do you want someone to help 50/50? Want your own kids? Marriage? Career? Stay at home? Think about these things first then decide if he fulfills them.

People rarely change long term. I may be jaded but far too many times I've seen people improve just enough to get someone off their back then slide right back into their old ways. You need to come to terms with the man he is now or leave.

I may be out of line saying this but based on some of your posts (which granted, are one sided) I think you'd be better off on your own. You grow a lot in your early 20s and it's hard to make a decision for the next 50 or so years.
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Old 04-13-2011, 05:12 PM   #38
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I know this sounds crazy but I love him. I want to be with him. I know all these things are blips. I know I was stupid to watch the video. But his response was insane. I think at this point its his anger I want to deal with. And the way his emotions flip. I can deal with either (well, just about) but its the way he changes suddenly between them. His ex is difficult. She texts and phones him day and night. She sends him jokes and chats away to him. And then....She starts being an absolute b*tch. Likejust now. She has Grace in the week. We have her at weekends. She has decided she doesn't see Grace enough!!!!!!! So now we're only allowed her every other weekend. I'm not fighting her (bf wont allow it cos he she will make his life ****). And he cant say anything or she threatens to take Grace away for good!! She's messed up. Theres alot of complication within this relationship. I love him. I just get so mad sometimes!!
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199-Onederland!
180-No longer Obese
160-No longer Overweight
150-GOAL!!!

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Old 04-13-2011, 05:13 PM   #39
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Realistically, if you are going to be with someone who is divorced and has a child, then you need to get over that he has a past and to not speak about/disrespect the mother. That's my opinion as a wife and mother. If my husband was to leave me tomorrow then fine, but I would expect that any future step-mother of my child was mature enough to realize what she is getting into and to respect that I will ALWAYS have a relationship with the father of my child. A child that will always be more important than any boyfriend or girlfriend. You may not like her, you may hate her, but she will be in his life forever and if you cannot accept that in a mature and respectful manner, then you need to move on. You are not her mother and you never will be, so when you are young and over-stepping your bounds by getting involved in their parenting, you are going to 'anger the beast', so to speak.

He is who he is. You cannot change him into a forever-bachelor with no past and no children. If that's what you want then you must find someone else. His past is part of who he is.
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Start: 145lbs around December 2012(*Baby born November 2012)
Mini-goal 1: 140lbs*Achieved January 20th, 2013
Mini-goal 2: 135lbs*Achieved February 18th, 2013
Mini-goal 3: 130lbs*Achieved April 8, 2013
Mini-goal 4: 125lbs
Long-term goal: 120-125lbs
Losing while nursing... slow and steady
Maintainer 2004-2009 & 2 babies & now losing from Nov 2012 - present


Last edited by sacha : 04-13-2011 at 05:14 PM.
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Old 04-13-2011, 05:14 PM   #40
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I HATE seeing pics of my husband with his ex or any pics that might have been taken by his ex. I know they are in the past and he's with me, but I despise thinking about them and their life together.
One time she gave us a bunch of old pics of him and all his family and she left pics of them together in there on purpose and it sent me over the edge for a bit.
Another issue was a pic of his daughter and her soccer team, but his ex(her mom) was in it too and it was on our shelf in the living room next to our wedding picture. It bugged me and I asked him to remove it and he didn't do it. I wound up placing it in my stepdaughters room along with all the other pics of her mom as well as her dad.
Its normal for some of us to be really uncomfortable with a romantic past of our loved ones, but its part of the past, not the future.

Just be careful though. Deal with the emotions but don't take it out on him. He was married and left her and is with you so remind him why he picked you. Hugs!
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Old 04-13-2011, 05:16 PM   #41
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I know what I want. I know I'm young to know but I do know for sure.

I want to finish my degree. I then want to do a post-grad teaching certificate and start looking for a teaching job. After working for at least a year or 2 I then want to get married and start trying for a baby. And I want to have a family of my own. I want to be a mum. I want to try for custody of Grace. And I just want a simple life.

Thats what he wants to (although he wants to go back to uni and get a degree once I'm working full-time). And I know thats what will make us happy. We want a nice house, kids, happiness...thats all. We've talked about THAT! We've talked about our life together a coupla times.
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199-Onederland!
180-No longer Obese
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150-GOAL!!!

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Old 04-13-2011, 05:24 PM   #42
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I'm dealing with it now. Just had a crazy moment. I don't appreciate my maturity being questioned. I know what I've got myself into and I had plenty of oppurtunities to walk away so although I may only be 20 do not treat me like an idiot. I'm not Graces mother. I never will be. You are right. But I'm a **** of alot of a better one than her own. Her mum takes her to nursery one of the 4 days a week she is supposed to go. She wastes her money on tattoos and frilly pretty things while grace eats junk out a tin thats cheap. She isn't progressing with her reading and numbers except for what I teach her at a weekend....I feel like you're doing a lot of assuming about the situatiuon here sacha

And Crystal. Its so good to know someone feels the same. There are loads of pics of her here. I dunno why he hasn't got rid but I'm certainly not doing it without his permission. She is not a very nice person in my opinion. The way she treats her daughter upsets me so much.
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180-No longer Obese
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Old 04-13-2011, 05:30 PM   #43
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I don't think anyone intends to hurt your feelings.

I can only speak from my past experiences. When I was in my early 20s, I knew exactly what I wanted and whom I wanted to marry. We'd been together for five years. After we broke up, I became a totally different person even down to my political views!

It's not that you're "immature" there's just so much life out there to experience that can shape who you are and what you want to do with your life. I didn't mean to be condecending. Its just something I would say to any friend sitting across from me with the same feelings.
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Old 04-13-2011, 05:35 PM   #44
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I'm not assuming anything. You are the one who is here criticizing her mother, saying you want to go for custody when realistically, you are this guy's girlfriend and you really have no right to say those things about her. Their relationship and their parenting decisions are between them, and for every time you criticize her, you do a lot of damage to the child. If you think you can hide that hate forever from the child, think again.

If you think that it is acceptable behaviour then yes, you do have a lot of growing up to do. You are the one who came here and said, "Am I a crazy person?" - no, of course you are not crazy, but you are not at all acting in a mature manner.

I think you only want to hear what you want to hear, so don't worry, I will not offer any more advice.

And I was once a 20 year old girlfriend of a guy with 2 kids and a 'psycho' ex-wife. Believe me, I see exactly how you feel about her and exactly why you think you are better than her. But in time, you may realize that we don't always know everything and especially when you become a mother yourself, that things are not so black & white and that our judgmental criticisms of our step-children's other parent is completely unacceptable.
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Start: 145lbs around December 2012(*Baby born November 2012)
Mini-goal 1: 140lbs*Achieved January 20th, 2013
Mini-goal 2: 135lbs*Achieved February 18th, 2013
Mini-goal 3: 130lbs*Achieved April 8, 2013
Mini-goal 4: 125lbs
Long-term goal: 120-125lbs
Losing while nursing... slow and steady
Maintainer 2004-2009 & 2 babies & now losing from Nov 2012 - present


Last edited by sacha : 04-13-2011 at 05:36 PM.
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Old 04-13-2011, 05:44 PM   #45
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Ok. thanks. I think people think that age and maturity go together. Maturity comes from experience and I, to be honest, have had more experiences (especially with realtionships ) than alot of people much older than me. I won't go into it all now. I don't think theres any call for me to to broadcast alot of my more personal experiences. This is just something that happened that made me feel a little insane. And recently I've found that posting on here helps me sort my head out. I'm not crazy (well I don't think so ) But this just got to me. Its hard to explain. Its just one of those things that makes complete sense in my head, but to anyone else sounds strange.

At the end of the day I want to marry this bloke. Perfect of not. I love him. I want children with him. And I want to still wake up next to him every day when I'm in my 80's. And he wants to marry me (i think) and we want the same things. This is a blip. This is probably us just getting used to living together still and irritating the **** out of each other. Things can't be sparkly and fun all the time. This is a phase that will pass. His ex bothers me. Mainly because I think she is a complete nut job (but thats a completely different story). My boyf has a foul mouth and a temper. I know that. And I'm used to it. To be really honest when I get angry I give just as much as I get. But we don't go to bed disagreeing. We always cuddle before we sleep and we tell each other that we love each other every day. No relationship is perfect. Evryone has issues. I think this thread is just me blowing up about ALL of those issues in one go. So its very possible that title is extremely appropriate In fact I've decided that I'm gonna come back to this thread whenever I feel a bit "crazy" as I feel so much better after having got everything off my chest. I know I'm every bit as mental as he is. Anyone who says they're not just a little bit insane is either lying or boring :P I dunno. Sorry I went a bit cuckoo on you guys. But I love this forum! I feel like I can get all my worries out on it. And I feel strangely comfortable telling my worries to complete strangers....Maybe because I don't have to look you all in the eye everyday....???

So sorry, thanks, and I'm sure I'll post some more crrrraaazzzyyyy very soon.
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Mini-Goals:
215-10lbs lost
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199-Onederland!
180-No longer Obese
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150-GOAL!!!

One for every 5lbs lost:

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