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Am I a crazy person?

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Old 04-13-2011, 03:21 PM   #16
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I text him and told himwe need to talk about this because I'm really upest about it. And that I watched some of it...

His reply was "GET OUT YOU C**T". I can't talk to him. I can't cope with this when he isn't supportive at all.
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Old 04-13-2011, 03:26 PM   #17
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Jess - can I ask if you'd posted awhile ago about all the work you do, but your boyfriend doesn't lift a finger to help and you're doing all the childcare on the weekends, along with cleaning for the roomie too, all at 20 yrs old? I might be really mistaken, but I was thinking it was you... and if not i'm sorry and skip this. But if SO, I think there are a great deal of other issues that are worrying you and this just brought them all together to the forefront.

You can't make someone want to marry you - but it sounds like he's settling right in with being comfortable with you handling everything instead of more of a partnership.

Are you able to discuss things with him? Or does he shut down?
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Old 04-13-2011, 03:26 PM   #18
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He had a life before he met you.
You had a life before you met him.
That is the way life is. His marriage and divorce had nothing to do with you . Try and be friends with his daughter, that can only benefit you.
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Old 04-13-2011, 03:28 PM   #19
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OK - just saw your earlier post which popped in while I was typing. To want a relationship with this person is to invite abuse. you will not have the perfect relationship/wedding/life. No one does, but especially not coming from someone who talks to you like that.

Love yourself first. Don't want to be in a relationship to BE IN one.
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Old 04-13-2011, 03:31 PM   #20
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MusicalJess View Post
I text him and told himwe need to talk about this because I'm really upest about it. And that I watched some of it...

His reply was "GET OUT YOU C**T". I can't talk to him. I can't cope with this when he isn't supportive at all.
I didn't see this when I made my last post, but I am really shocked that he would talk to you that way. I am not defending him, not at all but he has probably had it with your crying. His marriage and divorce , in his eyes are over. Now you won't let go of it. It would be better for you if you let it stay in the past. We all have one.
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Old 04-13-2011, 03:31 PM   #21
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@nationalparker-yes that was me.

He's saying he wants me to leave now. Lieke right now. I have nowhere to go. My parents live in Yorkshire (i.e.: not near here) and I don't drive. He's at work but will be back in about an hour and a half. I dunno what to do. I'm not horrible at all. I'd say I'm a really decent caring person, but he's just called me "rotten to the core". I think he has anger issues but he won't see anyone about it. I want to see a counsellor as I'm also struggling with a few family issues from my childhood and things with him get me down sometimes. But he doesn't want me to. What sould I do?
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Old 04-13-2011, 03:34 PM   #22
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Why doesn't he leave ?
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Old 04-13-2011, 03:37 PM   #23
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Because its his house. His mortgage. I just moved in...
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Old 04-13-2011, 03:38 PM   #24
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*technically its the house him and his ex moved into together...hence why I'm finding things of hers EVERYWHERE! Christmas cards to each other, her wedding ring, photos of them together hidden behind the sofa when I went to hoover....Its like its never me and him. Shes always there.
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Old 04-13-2011, 03:39 PM   #25
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If he is asking you to leave then that is what you should do . Do you have any friends that you can stay with until you find a place ?
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Old 04-13-2011, 03:41 PM   #26
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No. I go to uni about 3 hours away (I get there on the train) and I dunno if trains run this late. Plus people are going home for easter now. and my family live wuite far away. I have nowhere. and not enough money to pay for a bnb or whatever...
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Old 04-13-2011, 03:42 PM   #27
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You know, I'm sure you don't want to read this, but Jess, this might be what you NEED - to get away from this situation for awhile. From your other posts, it seems like he just took advantage of you all the time - that it was more of a convenience thing for him since you handle everything - caregiving for his daughter, cleaning, cooking, etc. If he's that derogatory toward you, you need to step back and think why he would treat someone that way - we don't treat those we care for in that manner. I think he's enjoying someone there to do what he wants/needs, but isn't looking longterm anymore.

It will hurt to lose what you hope for in your future, but it sounds like you deserve so much more.
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Old 04-13-2011, 03:44 PM   #28
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His marriage was the past. He probably doesn't want to talk about it because it hurts. It can cause a lot of shame to be cheated on, were you not good enough? nice enough? sexually unsatisfying? So, everytime you bring it up, he may go through all those feelings.

However, if it bothers you, you do need to have a discussion with him and just get it out there ONCE AND FOR ALL then be done with it. The ex may not be a nice person but you can't help that.

When you talk to him about this, you can mention the need for additional communication overall. You might try telling him more often when you need more help with the house, child, etc. and sometimes he may tell you he doesn't feel like talking about it. Also, no matter how frustrating he is, he is NOT allowed you talk to you like that and mature people just don't toss others on the street because they're bothering them.

Bottom line, he's an adult and needs to help/talk about these things. If you left, he would be responsible for taking care of his child, laundry, cooking, dishes, etc. so make sure he's not taking you for granted or taking advantage of you.

One more thing, if you want to get married someday make sure it's still on the table. No, you don't have to nail down a date and make plans, but DO make sure he's still open to the idea. If he said he never ever wanted to get married again, you would have to be ok with that or be prepared to go elsewhere.

Sorry this is a tad disjointed. I just wanted to give you an opinion on what I'd do in your situation before he gets there.

Good luck. You are worth standing up for so do so.
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Old 04-13-2011, 03:47 PM   #29
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nationalparker View Post
You know, I'm sure you don't want to read this, but Jess, this might be what you NEED - to get away from this situation for awhile. From your other posts, it seems like he just took advantage of you all the time - that it was more of a convenience thing for him since you handle everything - caregiving for his daughter, cleaning, cooking, etc. If he's that derogatory toward you, you need to step back and think why he would treat someone that way - we don't treat those we care for in that manner. I think he's enjoying someone there to do what he wants/needs, but isn't looking longterm anymore.

It will hurt to lose what you hope for in your future, but it sounds like you deserve so much more.
I agree X100000!!!

Even if he's hurt from the pain of the first relationship, he has no right to treat people the way it appears he's doing so to you.

My husband's previous marriage ended with his wife cheating and he was hurt for a long time. But, when we started dating, he knew I'm not her. I'm not going to make the same mistakes she did and therefore treats me accordingly!

A relationship doesn't mean one person is a doormat! Just remember that.
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Old 04-13-2011, 03:51 PM   #30
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Ok. I'm confused. I'm texting him as I post on here. So I'll justcopy out that last few texts for you to read ok?

Him: I can't do this I'm sorry
Me: Do what?
Him: My life
Me: Dunno what to say
Him: Ok
Me: Sorry
Him: Me too x
Me: For?x
Him: Today x
Me: Ok x
Him: I'm hungry x
Me: How come?x
Him: Dunno. Love you x


We put x's on our texts when we got on. When we dont we leave them off...

I swear his moods jump from one extreme to another every 2 seconds.
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Mini-Goals:
215-10lbs lost
202.5-10% weight loss
199-Onederland!
180-No longer Obese
160-No longer Overweight
150-GOAL!!!

One for every 5lbs lost:

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