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Need a different prospective but mostly I just want to vent!

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Old 04-11-2011, 06:27 PM   #1
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Question Need a different prospective but mostly I just want to vent!

Hello to all and let me just say this is going to be a bit long. Anyway so this last Saturday my family got together to celebrate my brothers birthday and we all thought it be fun to take him out to dinner. While waiting for one of my cousins, one of my brothers started talking to my husband(we have been married for 5 yrs) I had my back to them but I heard them burst out laughing and I just turned around out of curiosity to ask what was funny well then my brothers and my husband jumped on me about not being able to have a conversation without me constantly asking them what they are talking about my feelings were hurt and I didn't say anything else we just got in the car and left to the restaurant. Once we got there we all got off the car and I realized I had forgotten my wallet with the money in the car because I was busy dealing with our two year old anyway once again I got put on the spot but more by my husband than anyone else. My husband said he was going to go get it and I told him i would go to I asked my mom to watch our daughter and off we went hand in hand. I mentioned to him how being jumped on for something that I saw as no big deal made me feel kind of crummy and well he just blew up and said how come he can never have private conversations with my brothers and how it's always like this I was shocked but responded by asking him how many times since I've had the baby have we been able to hang out like how we were that day and that he sees my brothers at work Monday thru Friday and I never ask him about his conversations with them at all during the week or the weekends. I kept my voice calm since we were in a public area but he just kept at me for even asking what they were talking about and how he knows he would get in trouble if I knew everything he talked about with my brothers and I told him that I didn't care to know but that I felt he was overreacting to all if this mind you the whole time we are outside the restaurant where my family has a clear view of us he then proceeds on telling me to take the car keys that he was going to call his dad and leave he tried to hand them to me twice but u refused and said that this all hot out of hand and I was starting to get teary eyed then he started to panic and was asking me well why are you crying huh? I told him I was fine and he asked if I was going to start crying at this point I was just mad and frustrated so I loudly said nothing I'm fine and he who this whole time had been borderline yelling was offended that I had dared to raise my voice well my brother texted us both telling us that they had a clear view of us so my husband started walking towards the restaurant and I followed and acted like everything was fine he started getting lovey dovey and telling me how much he loves me and that couples argue all the time which I am aware that not everything is perfect but I didn't think I deserved being berated in front of strangers anyway he texts me saying he is so sorry and that he only said those things because he was angry personally I saw it as him trying to look good infront of the family but whatever anyway fast forward to Sunday night I told him that I wanted to talk to him about what had happened on Saturday an he just sighed and said fine what us the problem I told him that the scene he caused was unnecessary and he went off on me AGAIN and said that I took it upon myself to remove the people that I deemed "bad" out of his life like his old buddies and his dad I told him that he has his own cell phone and I by no means blocked or prohibited him from calling anyone then he was claiming that I still hung out with my exes I told him that one of them lived with my cousin and when I visited I never went without him and the other still talks to my brothers and when they bring him up all I ask is o how is he doing to be polite but I don't ask them for any personal information I always get the same answer from my brothers which is always o he's fine and that is it I don't wish to know more I only say it to be polite he then said that he can't check out other women in front of me without getting in trouble and I told him that there is a difference between checking out and openly gawking at them while completely dropping everything he was doing and he said well that's how it is so I asked him if it was ok for him to do it why does he get so mad when a man checks me out and he replied because those guys were cops and shouldn't be abusing their authority I laughed and replied that they never said one word to me but if it had been a female cop would it be ok if she checked him out? And all he could say is that everything has a double standard and that I need to realize that. *sigh* after all that he just said I'm tired and fell asleep I of course started crying and I wrote him a letter expressing my feelings since he never let's me get a word in anyway I suggested a trial separation so he can go find his happiness since it's obvious he isn't happy with me I know he hasn't read it yet but I'm at a loss I don't know what to do or think I do admit I was a super jealous person about 3 years back but I have changed a lot since then but it seems like it doesn't matter. To those that read through this whole thing thank you and I'm sorry for the length. Thanks for reading and I apologize for bad grammar and misspellings I didn't catch
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Old 04-11-2011, 08:48 PM   #2
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i dont have any advice just wanted to give you some *hugs* (on my phone and dont know the emoticon for it lol)
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Old 04-11-2011, 09:03 PM   #3
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I'm not very good at relationship advice, so I won't proceed to give you any...I just wanted you to know that someone cared enough to read your worries and to wish you the best with a happy resolution.

I will venture to say that your husband's reaction to an innocent inquiry-the topic of conversation between himself and your brother-was more than a little over the top.

Take care.

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Old 04-11-2011, 09:10 PM   #4
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I'm sorry that you are having such a hard time- (((hugs)))
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Old 04-12-2011, 06:28 AM   #5
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So sorry you're having to deal with this. Marriage can be a bumpy road, as you obviously know! I think we all go through rough patches and it isn't until we come out the other side of it that we realize the hard stuff was worth the effort and stress, whatever the outcome may be. I hope that he can read your letter and see your perspective, or at least take some time to realize that he's upset you.

Hope things are looking better for you today.
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Old 04-12-2011, 12:23 PM   #6
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I'm sorry..I can't follow it cause its one huge paragraph instead of several small ones...

I do gather that he's not being too fair to you right now..have you had a serious sit down with your brothers? My brother would have beat up anyone who talked smack about his sisters, no matter how much he liked them.

{{hugs}} I hope things work out okay for you.
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