I SWORE I would never become this person. Tonight DH and I were walking/running with the dogs. One of DH's old friends goes by and turns into his driveway. 10 minutes later he goes by the other way in his wife's car, with his wife and 2 children in the back.
DH makes a comment about how they were probably going out to eat and that they do that "all the time" - meaning his friend gets home from work and they immediately get in the car and go out to eat.
I make a comment about how bad it is to eat out all the time, and they should be walking their dogs and they could lose some weight and teach their children better habits. Then I realized what I was saying!
Who am I to judge? I really don't want to become one of THOSE people who loses a few pounds and wants to dictate how other people "should" live!
ohhhhh don't feel bad I was sitting in a college area where there is alot of foot traffic. I see larger people walking around with reg sodas and I think omg you should have diet. And then I am totally ashamed I thought that to myself
It happens. I catch myself saying stuff like that all the time too. I feel bad about it almost immediately but it still pops out. I figure it's just our way of reminding ourselves what behavior is or is not okay.
It IS human nature. It is also human nature for those who have "seen the way" to suddenly become much more judgmental in the short-term (whether this is recent converts in weight loss, religion, whatever), perhaps because of excitement and overzealousness. It's at that point we need to humble ourselves and realize that we were once those people, and remember how it felt to be judged in that position. Most of all, we need to realize that people live their lives the way they want, and most are very happy to live that way Good for you for taking a step back and seeing it.
I SWORE I would never become this person. Tonight DH and I were walking/running with the dogs. One of DH's old friends goes by and turns into his driveway. 10 minutes later he goes by the other way in his wife's car, with his wife and 2 children in the back.
DH makes a comment about how they were probably going out to eat and that they do that "all the time" - meaning his friend gets home from work and they immediately get in the car and go out to eat.
I make a comment about how bad it is to eat out all the time, and they should be walking their dogs and they could lose some weight and teach their children better habits. Then I realized what I was saying!
Who am I to judge? I really don't want to become one of THOSE people who loses a few pounds and wants to dictate how other people "should" live!
See, and I get more judgemental on the $ spent on going out to eat all the time. My family goes out to eat 1-2 times a year and we order pizza about every 3 weeks on their cheap Monday special nights. I see and hear people going out to eat every week, multiple times a week and then complain about lack of money. Hello!!! You are throwing your money out the window by eating out! It doesn't take less time to eat out either, so you're throwing time out your window too.
But, yes, it is human nature to see the light and wonder why others don't. They actually might 'know' but don't want to deal with it.
I read this post when I got home and it really bothered me. It's been about an hour and it still bothers me. I know it is not popular on this site to be critical of one another, even when we are being semi-hysterical, but I really write the following to give you some perspective, not to be mean or upset you.
What is your true intention behind this post? Because I think it is a kind of glee that you are "changing" into a person you never thought you could be (even if you pretend to be horrified). Even if you judge them harshly for going about their private lives, why would you do it on the internet? Just because they may not read it doesn't make it less offensive. How would you feel if your husband's wife went online and wrote about how overweight you were? Or questioned your parenting skills? Would it make you feel better that they thought you'd never see it?
You mock-admonish yourself, but it isn't genuine. If it was, you wouldn't justify it by talking about their weight or post on the internet.
I agree that this kind of thinking is related to a weight loss obsession that can temporarily overcome people, but really, you should get some perspective. I know you've lost over 100 pounds but, according to a BMI calculator, you are still considered morbidly obese and in the top 2% of the US population.
@girlinwaterglobe don't you think you are being a little harsh? i mean there is really no reason for you to get so worked up and defensive over it unless you secretly feel the same way but try to keep it to yourself because you have terrible guilt or something. :/
I feel like I am a weight loss expert since I've had to be conscious of my weight all the time. However, I keep my opinions to myself. I do often feel, that those who say "oh, I can't lose weight"...
Give me a break!! Come live in my house, you'll eat on my plan, we'll work out together, and then YOU WILL LOSE WEIGHT.
DH has a coworker who struggles. He joined a gym, worked out for a year, continued his WOE and lost 20lbs. He has since gained it back. DH and I know that he is eating the wrong food. That's why eating 2000 calories feels like "starvation" to him. DH and I discuss this sometimes, but neither of us feels it is right to dictate how he should eat. That is not our business.
I feel like I've been there, done that, and got the T-shirt. I know it is hard. I get it. You have to make a commitment. Health must be a priority. I saw the light, and I changed my ways. But you have to want to change. Nobody can do it for you.
As for the OP being awful, I don't think so. Morgan Spurlock made this observation into a great documentary, Super Size Me. He brings up how much families eat out, and that the average Americans no longer walk very much and are sedentary.
I read this post when I got home and it really bothered me. It's been about an hour and it still bothers me. I know it is not popular on this site to be critical of one another, even when we are being semi-hysterical, but I really write the following to give you some perspective, not to be mean or upset you.
What is your true intention behind this post? Because I think it is a kind of glee that you are "changing" into a person you never thought you could be (even if you pretend to be horrified). Even if you judge them harshly for going about their private lives, why would you do it on the internet? Just because they may not read it doesn't make it less offensive. How would you feel if your husband's wife went online and wrote about how overweight you were? Or questioned your parenting skills? Would it make you feel better that they thought you'd never see it?
You mock-admonish yourself, but it isn't genuine. If it was, you wouldn't justify it by talking about their weight or post on the internet.
I agree that this kind of thinking is related to a weight loss obsession that can temporarily overcome people, but really, you should get some perspective. I know you've lost over 100 pounds but, according to a BMI calculator, you are still considered morbidly obese and in the top 2% of the US population.
Give me a break and get over yourself! Geez - EVERYBODY has thought what the op said at one time or another. I really think it when I see an overweight young girl and want to tell her to not waste her life. My thoughts are I wish I had known about low carb 30 years ago.
I read this post when I got home and it really bothered me. It's been about an hour and it still bothers me. I know it is not popular on this site to be critical of one another, even when we are being semi-hysterical, but I really write the following to give you some perspective, not to be mean or upset you.
What is your true intention behind this post? Because I think it is a kind of glee that you are "changing" into a person you never thought you could be (even if you pretend to be horrified). Even if you judge them harshly for going about their private lives, why would you do it on the internet? Just because they may not read it doesn't make it less offensive. How would you feel if your husband's wife went online and wrote about how overweight you were? Or questioned your parenting skills? Would it make you feel better that they thought you'd never see it?
You mock-admonish yourself, but it isn't genuine. If it was, you wouldn't justify it by talking about their weight or post on the internet.
I agree that this kind of thinking is related to a weight loss obsession that can temporarily overcome people, but really, you should get some perspective. I know you've lost over 100 pounds but, according to a BMI calculator, you are still considered morbidly obese and in the top 2% of the US population.
I am sorry, but your post really upsets me. I come to 3FC to vent, express myself, give & get support, and share my weightloss journey. It is posts like this that make me feel like I can't write about what I am feeling.
for OP- i feel you. i think it is human nature to judge. we may not be proud of it, but we do it. and 3FC is a place to vent these types of things.
at girlinwaterglobe, you should be able to express your opinion as well, but there are ways to be opinionated without being offensive- seriously, you basically said that despite losing 100lbs, she's still "morbidly obese" and took a weak stab at her, honestly. don't downplay her success because her post upset you. also, she was just venting. and saying that she doesn't want to be judgemental.
i'm not trying to be harsh or rude myself, but i just feel like you took it to the next level and were incredibly rude to CherryPie99 for no reason.
Last edited by fillupthesky; 03-14-2011 at 09:22 PM.
Everyone should feel free to write about what they're feeling; some people won't like what you have to say. I hope that the thread doesn't become a "dogpile on the OP" or a "dogpile on the dissenting voice" thread, because I think it deserves to stay open. It's something a lot of us will eventually face in some form or another--if you aren't judging, you're likely being judged.
I hope we can discuss it like grown-ups than worry about who feels stifled and who feels threatened and such. Conversations can be about volatile subjects without actually catching fire.
With that said, it's good that you recognize a tendency to be one of "those people" sometimes. And yeah, I think a lot of us do it on some level; it's hard not to think, "I've seen the light and learned so much that I want that person to see it too!" But that is not a direction you want to let yourself go if you can at all help it.
We never know what travails other people have. We never know who has a desperately ill parent to care for and feels too exhausted to cook. We never know who got raised in such abject poverty that they promised themselves that their kids would eat steak three times a week and are now fulfilling that promise. We never know who has suffered so much loss in his life that he now wants to seize every moment of celebration and happiness with little thought to consequences.
The temptation to judge may be there, but unless you know more about these folks, try to avoid it. I won't lie--there are some very few people on this green and lovely earth whose kids I feel sorry for because I think they're lazy goodfornothin's. But none of those people deserves my thinking that way just because they go out to eat a lot.
And to be blunt, yeah, there are "those people" looking at us and thinking, "Wow, she's fat/a bad housekeeper/styleless/ugly/lazy/stupid/whatever"--because that's what "those people" do. You don't want to be one of their ilk.
I think this ALL the time!!! I thought it when i was heavy too, i think it MOSTLY when i see obese people with OBESE children under the age of 10. Usually i see this when grocery shopping. Then i take it to the next level and sneak a peek in their cart! Thinking - wow sure dont need all those chips, pop and cookies.
Cherry there is NOTHING wrong with thinking what you are! Nothing! It isnt natural for human bodies to be obese, our bodies are NOT designed for it. Once you've seen the light and get lighter the more you realize thats the case. It becomes easier to do anything/everything. To want it for others, there isnt anything wrong with it. Just never tell that person you THOUGHT it, telling your husband though is different.
It happens! You make progress and change your lifestyle and feel happy about it. You want to share that revelation with others so that they can be happy too. Sometimes it manifests itself in sort of judgmental thoughts. No harm was done. If all our thoughts were policed, we'd all be in jail.
I have to say that in the past I have had judgmental thoughts about "fat people" - less so since I changed my own lifestyle (cattiness comes from self-loathing and insecurity!) and lost weight. Recently I have been struggling with uncontrollable binge eating and weight gain, and while it is scary, it has opened my eyes a bit and really sort of humbled me in terms of passing judgment on people. Like Nola Celeste said, we don't know everyone's full backgrounds.
Oh crap - am I one of THOSE people?
Good for you for taking a step back and seeing it.
