Well...I'd say there actually IS something a little off about denigrating a perfectly decent family for taking their kids out to eat. If they DON'T feed their kids, ever, then sure--judge away, and call CPS while you're at it. But it's an uncharitable thought to have, and I'm pretty sure Cherry agreed or she wouldn't have posted about it as unwanted behavior.
Shouldn't everyone strive to think more kindly of others and to be predisposed to empathy rather than judgement? We'll fall short of it, yeah, but it should be the kind of thought we have and then think, "Ugh, Self, that's gross!"
Audrey Hepburn already said it so well: “For beautiful eyes, look for the good in others; for beautiful lips, speak only words of kindness; and for poise, walk with the knowledge that you are never alone.”
That doesn't mean I don't have a mile-thick ***** streak, mind you--I just focus it with laser-like intensity on individuals who've done me a personal wrong or commit hate crimes or something, not people who take the family out to Olive Garden. Nothin' but love for them, regardless of their size.
Edited to add: As an example of my vituperative nastiness, I'll cop to hate-hate-HATING one particular person whom I consider a complete waste of a large amount of protoplasm. She's fat and miserable and I hope she stays that way because I enjoy watching her gripe about her weight. Audrey Hepburn I am NOT...but there's a difference between hating on the individual and hating on a group.
Last edited by Nola Celeste; 03-14-2011 at 09:42 PM.
3fc is primarily a support forum and as such we tend to focus on the support side of issues, and why we don't allow discussions on topics like politics and religion. They tend to ... devolve... even among well-intentioned folk.
I do think we are a site where people can disagree with each other, but NOT when it gets to the point of personal attacks.
I just want to remind everyone that when you signed up for this site you agreed to abide by forum rules, including:
Quote:
9. Respect toward fellow members is expected. You agree not to harass, flame, insult, taunt, or otherwise disrespect any member of this forum. In other words, if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all. This includes gossiping about another member. This requirement is meant to encourage the overall strength of our support system, and will benefit our community as a whole.
I'd like to ask everyone to stop piling on each other, or the thread will have to be closed. Seriously, no more sniping!
As a reminder, you also agreed to these rules:
Quote:
12. Do NOT fight with the mods and admins. This is a large website and it's a big job for us to keep it running smoothly. If we ask you to stop doing something or change something, please just do it. We do not have the time to debate this with you. If your post or thread is deleted or locked, accept it and understand that we do not have time to send you a detailed explanation. Re-read the rules to refresh your memory as to why it happened. There will be no discussion on these matters. If you become a nuisance, you will lose your posting privileges.
13. Do not complain about the rules. Any public discussion of specific cases will be removed and you will lose your posting privileges (temporarily or permanently). This is a privately owned forum and we created the rules based on years of experiences with thousands of members. Moderators and administrators are unpaid volunteers who spend a lot of time making sure our forum is safe, clean, and supportive. If we decide that your post is inapporpriate, it will be removed or locked. Please don't argue and please don't keep posting along the same line otherwise you're gone too.
I think it's normal for those of us who strive to live a healthy lifestyle to judge the choices of others, especially if they are overweight because we judge our own food choices and exercise choices daily so it becomes natural. I catch myself doing it as well. I think it's normal for that thought to cross your mind, but as long as you don't start acting holier than thou or being nasty to those people or talk behind their backs I wouldn't worry too much. It just becomes natural to think oh, that will cause weight gain, this will let us lose because we base our lives around it and want others around us to be healthy as well.
That's a good point, Ashley--we do spend a lot of time judging choices in an acceptable way (for ourselves) and I can definitely see how it splashes over onto others in ways that we might find unacceptable for ourselves.
With myself, I would rather be right than kind; with others, I would (generally) rather be kind than right. While I see others' "gainful" food choices, it isn't for me to call them "bad" or "wrong" choices because I don't know the entirety of the decision-making process. I don't know what that person ate yesterday. I don't know where she is in life. So I try (key word TRY ) not to judge.
See, and I get more judgemental on the $ spent on going out to eat all the time. My family goes out to eat 1-2 times a year and we order pizza about every 3 weeks on their cheap Monday special nights. I see and hear people going out to eat every week, multiple times a week and then complain about lack of money. Hello!!! You are throwing your money out the window by eating out! It doesn't take less time to eat out either, so you're throwing time out your window too.
But, yes, it is human nature to see the light and wonder why others don't. They actually might 'know' but don't want to deal with it.
Ah, me too! LOL! Last night my youngest was sick and wanted McD's chicken nuggets. I have this thing about letting the sick person eat whatever sounds good to them. I had the hardest time hitting the drive-thru because I haven't eaten at a fast food place, or any place, since at least November. My boys split a 10 piece nugget and a large fry for $5.50 or something and I STILL felt like I was throwing away money. And I got nothing.
I think it is human nature to become judgmental about issues, especially those you used to be guilty of. It lessens over time and it's most important you do not act on your judgements or verbalize them to others. What you think in your own head is beyond your control.
I'm one of those people who eats out on a fairly regular basis because that is what fits into my lifestyle. I am a member of a dining group that frequents local eateries, so when I eat out, it is usually a social event. That being said, I feel the way the OP does fairly often! Mainly because I watch people order their food without veggies, or fried and covered in sauce. I can't help but feel a little bothered because, even when eating out, I try to make my meal as healthy as possible and I tend to load up on veggies. What I am trying to do now is to lead by example. My friends are starting to notice my weight loss and ask questions. I figure that if they see how I eat out, they might become more inclined to make healthier choices.
Audrey Hepburn already said it so well: “For beautiful eyes, look for the good in others; for beautiful lips, speak only words of kindness; and for poise, walk with the knowledge that you are never alone.”
I'd like to thank everyone here who was supportive and understanding of what I was trying to say in my original post.
I don't expect everyone to agree with my opinions or my beliefs.
But to be accused to being "disingenuous" and to be mocked and put down for my weight on a supportive weight loss site is to say the least shocking.
It just goes to show that there are miserable human beings all over. Even ones that pretend that they are being "helpful".
At any rate, they say that there is no one worse then an ex-smoker when it comes to lecturing other smokers. This is probably an extension of this phenomenon, but I will continue to work hard to not be a judgemental person.
) not to judge.
And I got nothing. 
