We moved to a new state October 2010 and I enrolled my son in a toddler playgroup twice a week. This is March already and I still feel like I don't fit in. This is a very active community and people are always jogging, running, hiking ect ect. I only met 2 people who I talk to and have tried to talk to the other so called skinny, snobby moms but it is like they don't want to talk to the overweight girl. All they talk about is the gym, there friends, how rich they are. I didn't think it was going to be hard to make friends, as I am a pretty easy going, funny person. Is it really that hard to make friends or am I just looking into to much?
No it's hard to make friends, true ones anyways. I'd say the two people you talk to build a stronger friendship with them, and you know what forget those skinny snobby b!tches if they're like that now, just imagine how two faced they are if you ever do become friends with them. Keep you're chin up it'll get easier maybe start looking outside the little community you are in to find other friends.
I had an adventure with a bunch of "snobby rich Moms," like you describe. Consequently, I often brought a book to playgroup. They were always eager to have me take their kiddies hiking with mine; so they could sit in the shade and gossip. I found that I could have a very good time with their kids.
Years later, I often run into these women. They treat me like and old friend and often talk about "our fun days at the park." Hmmmmm....
If you get a chance, sign up for a class in something that interests you. I have met my very best friends and loyal supporters at classes.
Good luck... and remember: you have a lot of friends here.
Thanks ladies! I guess I just try to hard. I know toddler group is time to spend with your child but they say it is a way to make friends with other moms. My husband tells me, you don't need anyone, you got me but he works 6-7 days a week and alot of times works in other states. I know he is trying to be nice. Oh well 2 friends is better than none
I am having the same issues with the moms at my daughter's new gymnastics team. Most are not snobby stuck-ups but they are like a tightly formed cliche and I am on the outside of the group. They are helpful as far as answering questions and helping my daughter settle into the team, but I am finding it difficult to get to know them as they already know one another.
I am starting to just join conversations even though i wasn't included in them to begin with. I feel uncomfortable doing this, but I do if it is team related...and it is helping some. they are starting to include me a bit more since I've been doing that, but only with team stuff. Personal stuff they quietly whisper in their little groups and I am alone
I don't know why making friends as adults has to be this darn hard!
I am also a very easy going person but for some reason have a real tough time making friends too. I do not have many friends but the ones I do have are very close to me.
I have been trying to make new friends but I know people look at my size and turn the other way. It's hard when people don't know who you really are inside.
A small amount of friends sometimes are more then enough .
well im sure its just that group of women, maybe u can make friends at your gym, or even the park with your son.. im really friendly so i dont have a hard time making friends.. and im good at reading people so i know when to back off or not... u dont have to be friends with that particular group of women.. but then again what state are u in.. see i live in nyc, its people everywhere.. u can always meet someone, now whether or not that person is gonna be a true friend is a different story,.... lol sheeeesh
We moved from the East Coast to the West coast! Wish I could have brought my friends with me. I hope when the new school year comes around, I have lost most of my weight goal and can't wait to see the looks on there faces when I am a new me. I will keep my eye out when I take my son to the park. Haven't joined a gym yet as I do most of my walking/running on the trails. Maybe next winter I will join one. Thanks for all the nice comments!
We moved to a new state October 2010 and I enrolled my son in a toddler playgroup twice a week. This is March already and I still feel like I don't fit in. This is a very active community and people are always jogging, running, hiking ect ect. I only met 2 people who I talk to and have tried to talk to the other so called skinny, snobby moms but it is like they don't want to talk to the overweight girl. All they talk about is the gym, there friends, how rich they are. I didn't think it was going to be hard to make friends, as I am a pretty easy going, funny person. Is it really that hard to make friends or am I just looking into to much?
This is going to be hard to hear but...maybe if you stop thinking of the other moms as "skinny and snobby," it will be easier for you to talk to them. Of course they are going to talk about the gym and their friends - if those are things they have in common. Fake a question. Ask which gym. Ask what they like or don't like about it. Get the conversation started. I doubt they seriously sit around talking about how rich they are, but if they're talking about things that are out of your reach financially, it may FEEL that way (I lived in a particularly nice part of Manhattan for a few years. I know the other moms weren't trying to exclude me when they talked about the horrors of going to the Hamptons with only the cook OR the nanny, but not both - but I certainly couldn't take part in that conversation!). Ask questions, put yourself out there.
We have moved a lot. We have just moved to an area that's pretty affluent and most people are very busy. It is hard to break into an already established group so I just talk to people where ever I can - the other moms at story time, at the park, at Starbucks, anywhere. One thing I've noticed is that people love to give you "home town" info so let them! Ask about pediatricians or restaurants or bookstores or whatever you can think of. Ask about their kids or ****, their kid's clothes. It's hard on both sides of a new friendship. Not everyone is going to be your new BFF but you won't find friends if you don't keep putting yourself out there.
I have also found it helps to try to hit the same places at the same times - so when you figure out which parks are full at certain times, go there! You'll probably start running into the same people over and over. If you don't walk, start. See if there's a walking club or strollersize or something. You just have to keep trying. A few moves ago, I made the mistake of not getting out there and I found myself just really depressed. The longer we were there, the harder it was for me to try and eventually I just felt so lonely. It was awful. Make a plan, take a class. You'll find your people.
I moved across the country and I totally feel for you (or anyone else going through this!) It is SO hard to make friends as an adult. I have three close friends that I've been friends with over 20 years. The best I can do now is someone to say hi to! I always thought it would be easier having younger kids to meet other moms but these days I can see where it would be hard to fit into cliques. People just seem more competitive and interested in the initials on your purse than what is in your heart!
But, I agree with Beerab . . . I do the killing with kindness, too. Every once in a while someone really needs that kindness and a friendship can form. Also, I feel better by not acting snotty and cliquey - I don't want to be THAT woman.
Good luck. Remember - you always have your fat chicks!
Feeling left out
.
