This past year has been pretty trying for me, probably one of the biggest changes is my dad becoming severely depressed/suicidal. I don't live with him but obviously this has had a massive impact on our family.
I've been my mums carer since I was very young, so even though my dad and I have had our issues, he's always been my solid parent figure. That all changed.
I've found the strain of being my mums carer, worrying and trying to support my dad, trying to deal with my own issues with eating and working full time to be totally overwhelming.
I had resolved to make positive changes in the NY, but these were hampered by waking up on Christmas day to horrible flu. I'm still feeling really awful with it, I have no energy to even walk short distances, a constant pounding headache, temperature and generally feeling lousy. My Doctor signed me off until this Monday, since I was getting over the vomiting part of the flu (Sorry if that's tmi
I haven't been in work for 2 weeks now, and I've felt so guilty about the fact its probably putting my co-workers under extra pressure, we also have a new boss, who probably now has a terrible impression of me.
The problems is I still feel awful, but I have to go in tomorrow and they'll be expecting me after 2 weeks to be all well again.
I feel totally down atm, physically exhausted and crappy and emotionally drained. I had an appointment with a counsellor for an assessment next week, but now I've had to cancel since I can hardly go back to work after 2 weeks off and take another day off.
I'm totally at a loss of what to do, but I feel like I can't go on like this. I find the problems in my family, mainly with my parents are a massive trigger for my bulimia, and I can't get anyone to listen to me when I say it's getting too much looking after everyone. I guess I've done it for so long they assume it will be fine. My brother especially makes me feel guilty for not wanting to take care of my parents. I do really want to though, I love looking after people I just don't feel like I'm in any position to be doing it. I'm very aware that it's just making me worse.
Any sort of suggestions would be so appreciated, I feel so alone with this.
I'm absolutely dreading work tomorrow.