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my life is somewhat of a mess

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Old 01-09-2011, 04:18 AM   #1
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Default my life is somewhat of a mess

hey everyone...

just looking for a little moral support. i've been going through a lot lately, and i'm having a difficult time drawing on my inner strength. i am trying as best as i can, but i've been having more bad days than good.

i'll try to keep this brief: i moved to seattle last year with my boyfriend from nyc. he got a job here. it took me 6 months to get a job, but i finally got a great position that i really loved. my boyfriend's contract ended at the end of october. he left a week later to go to california to look for work there and couch surf, basically (i know, total jerk). then, a month after he leaves, i get laid off my great job.
so, i find myself in a city where i don't have many friends, no job, not much money, my bf is jerk, and i feel slightly rejected by the world here.
i've been doing better, and i've had my time to be at rock bottom, but i'm still having a lot of not so great days. and i find myself feeling really hopeless and bleak. i do have a therapist and my friends in nyc have been really supportive. my boyfriend has also been supportive since i've lost my job.
so my question to all of you- when life kind of kicks you in the butt- what helps you stay positive? i think thats my biggest issue. i'm usually a very positive person, i've been through a lot, and i know how to survive and pick myself up by the bra strap so to speak. this time, not so much. i'll be positive and motivated, but it's short lived and i fluctuate.
on a brighter note, i have taken more control over what i do have control over, my exercise and food plan. because i know as i start to feel and look better, i'll feel more empowered and motivated. (i hope).
so what's worked for all of you?

thanks in advance!
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Last edited by fillupthesky : 01-09-2011 at 05:03 AM.
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Old 01-09-2011, 05:54 AM   #2
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I don't have any advice (I feel a lot the same way you describe right now, actually!) but I do hope things get better for you.
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Old 01-09-2011, 05:58 AM   #3
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What helps me get through is feeling like my food plan and exercise are one thing I have control over. It's really hard to get motivated when things are rough, but once you do get going with it, it's a really good feeling. I've been back on plan since New Year's Day, and it feels like a huge relief to be in control again.

On days I don't want to go to the gym, I fast-forward to how I will feel at the end of the day. I've never regretted going to the gym, but I always feel bad if I blow it off.

btw, it has been a VERY cold and snowy winter in NY!
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Old 01-09-2011, 07:47 AM   #4
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Is there any possibility you can leave Seattle for somewhere sunnier? Very often, the gloom of grey days can truly affect mood. And if you're depressed to start with, it doesn't get much better! California might be a perfect spot! I'm going through a similar thing - my business has collapsed and I'm facing losing my home, and bankruptcy. Talk about feeling helpless. But controlling what I eat DOES seem to the the only thing I can control right now! It's a powerful feeling. And I walk and walk and walk! Assuming you have good rainwear, you can do that too! I wish you luck. When life kicks up in the derriere, we have to rally somehow. You know what they say - whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger! Don't punish yourself with food! We tend to think of "rewarding" ourselves with food, which is part of the erroneous thinking of we binge eaters. Infact, we are doing the exact opposite. And I'm sick of being down on me!
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Old 01-09-2011, 08:24 AM   #5
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Do you have any time to get involved with a community service/volunteer project that you strongly believe in? Aside from feeling better from doing for others, you also might be able to network and find a position with something that really calls you ... or with the company of someone else who is volunteering.

It's HARD to lose your immediate support group (those in close vicinity). Good luck!
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Old 01-09-2011, 01:51 PM   #6
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First of all, you're from Brooklyn (that says so much... ) You are a tough cookie, and have and can handle a tremendous amount. You have people who care about you and support you.

I think what can get me down is feeling like the road is straight, unchanging, unbending, and goes on forever into the distance (like driving through Utah). The truth is, life is constantly changing, especially if I work to make it change. You got one great job, it might end up being a challenge to get the next, it might not end up being that big a challenge -- you can do it again. You obviously have what catches attention to hire you.

Hope that helps.
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Old 01-09-2011, 03:10 PM   #7
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thank you everyone, for responding-

expunge- the feelings stinks, huh? thank you for your kind words, and i hope things look up for you as well

natmars- that's exactly what i'm hoping for...that as i see results, i'll feel good and start feeling more positive overall. i've been diligent about sticking to weightwatchers and exercising as well. it is one of the few things i have control over...lol. yes, i've heard about all the snow- i hope you guys don't get slammed again!!

Lola- i'm so sorry to hear about what you're going through! ::hugs:: you seem to have a great attitiuse and i really hope things get better asap...
i would love to leave seattle. however, i don't have the funds to leave. i have been applying for jobs in california. my boyfriend hasn't mentioned anything about me going down there, (not that i would feel so inclined to after he abandoned me here)...my other option is to go back to nyc. unkess if course, i win the lottery!

national- actually, volunteering would be great- i'm a social worker, so i'm sure it would be a great method to network. it would also get my out of my apartment. and i do truly enjoy helping people

dragonwoman- yes, us brooklyn girls are tough! i totally agree with what you're saying...i think that i lose sight of it so quickly...that things change, that life changes..

i'm trying to keep a positive attitute, and i'm generally an optimistic person. its just been REALLY hard to keep that going, especially with financial stressors, and a lack of support in seattle. i told myself that if i don't find a job here by the end of march, that i would leave and go back to nyc.

gotta stay positive, gotta stay positive...
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*be kinder than necessary, because everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle*

restart! 10/1/13
mini goals
268 (10%)
189 (100lbs lost)
179 (previous lowest weight)
135-140 (GOAL!)
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Old 01-10-2011, 01:34 PM   #8
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Enjoy the YOU time! Funny I know we had a discussion in PM about this stuff but I just happened to pick up the Self magazine with JM on the cover and there was a story about a 40 year old who just lost her job, and two days later her boyfriend breaks up with her. Reminded me of you.
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Old 01-10-2011, 02:34 PM   #9
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totally on another wavelength but Lola made me think of it. Us Pacific Northwest people do not get enough Vitamin D and the endless rains can really take a toll. I highly recommend a vit d supplement.

sometimes taking control of the little things you can to make you feel like you're getting your power back. i am sure money is tight- but taking a little bit to get a nice haircut always makes me feel better and then you're all interview ready, even better.

making yourself get up, get dressed, etc every day is another one. the more time i spend flopping around on the couch without a bra- the less likely i am to want to go back to being dressed and do anything productive.

it's not entirely about depression really, it's more about keeping yourself going. i think that good positive pattern can help get you through rough times. That and whatever it is that I don't want to do, think about, etc i tell myself "just fifteen minutes" i can do anything for fifteen minutes.
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Old 01-13-2011, 02:49 AM   #10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MiZTaCCen View Post
Enjoy the YOU time! Funny I know we had a discussion in PM about this stuff but I just happened to pick up the Self magazine with JM on the cover and there was a story about a 40 year old who just lost her job, and two days later her boyfriend breaks up with her. Reminded me of you.
wait who is JM??? Jillian Michaels? LOL
i haven't seen a looked at the mag section in a while- will make it a point to look at it next time i'm at the store
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*be kinder than necessary, because everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle*

restart! 10/1/13
mini goals
268 (10%)
189 (100lbs lost)
179 (previous lowest weight)
135-140 (GOAL!)
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Old 01-13-2011, 02:57 AM   #11
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thank you all for the encouragement- i've actually been doing better these past few days. it's like something went off (or on?) in my head that was like- "yo, what the f*** are you doing?- stop feeling sorry for yourself and take some control". soooo i've reallllllllly been on point with the exercise, eating, and such. it's been on the forefront. because i really have no excuse not to. and i know that i'll feel more empowered as i feel better and see results. no i'm not working out for like 3 hours a day, but i'm making sure that i'm sticking to my 30 min of cardio and 30 min of strength or yoga.
it's funny, since really making that decision, i haven't been feeling as doom and gloom.
i just gotta take it a little bit at a time.

i will blow the roof off this place.

and i really should invest in some vitamin d

again, you all are wonderful and thank you for your kind words
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*be kinder than necessary, because everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle*

restart! 10/1/13
mini goals
268 (10%)
189 (100lbs lost)
179 (previous lowest weight)
135-140 (GOAL!)
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Old 01-13-2011, 07:34 PM   #12
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Glad you are feeling a lot more positive.
Just reading through this has helped me see that I need to get more positive myself. Do really well through the day and then in the evening after I've totted up my calories and felt pleased to see I have had no more than my allotted 1000, I then get into a right mood and end up going on a binge!!
Must break this and get a more positive outlook.

Hope you continue to do well.
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Old 01-20-2011, 02:20 AM   #13
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Good luck
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Old 01-20-2011, 02:32 PM   #14
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For me, when things aren't going so great in my own life, I think about how much worse it *could* be and it's amazing how quickly things look up. My children are healthy and happy (thank GOD), my husband is healthy and happy and really those are the important things to me.

I have a friend from high school, a 45 y.o. mother of 2 children (ages 11 and 14) and she has stage 4 lung cancer (never smoked a day in her life). Every day is a challenge for her, yet her positive outlook and way of thinking just completely blows me away. So when I start to feel a little depressed about "the small things" - I just think of her and suddenly my problems pale in comparison.
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