I didn't realize it was 7 mos out... that is still plenty of time to bow out if you need too. I thought it was like next month!
I just feel so down about all of this because it's not fair to Rebecca as a bride to be.. but it's not fair to me as a good friend either.
Your bride doesn't seem like a strong leader type. But it is still the bride's job as the common link to keep peace in the bridal party and smooth the way if people are acting out. All these sisters, cousins, friends etc all know HER, but not necessarily each other. They may not even like each other and try to turn it into a "who loves/knows the bride best" contest. That Amanda bridesmaid seems to fall in that category.
At least today Rebecca acknowledged your feelings and suggested blowing Amanda off. Still not the best solution, but she's coming around to admitting there IS a problem rather than trying to run away from it or hide it under the rug.
If the bride needs help making the hard choices, maybe help her out and just make it easy.
"Rebecca, sometimes being a good friend is knowing when to bow out. There's all this bridal party drama over my being the matron of honor. I know you wouldn't dream of taking it back since you already asked me... but seriously. Would it just be easier on you if I bow out and just come support your wedding as a regular guest? I'd like the focus of you and Spouse's wedding to be you and spouse. Not all this side drama. So how about I just bow out and be a guest, and you and I can be friends without all this stress causing strain between us."
If you feel generous, you could offer a cash wedding gift to help reprint anything that had you listed as maid of honor. If not, you don't have to -- had the bride gotten her leadership together sooner this all wouldn't be happening!
But don't let wedding hooha and the fact that she's not a strong bride type make you crazy. Rebecca may not have known this about herself until she was actually there. She isn't going to be a bride forever. Most people plan/are in weddings once or a few times over a whole life. Not every single year!
So if Rebecca-as-Bride has turned out to have some weak traits, at least you know Rebecca-as-Bride is not the Rebecca that's on the front burner all the time. You could still be friends once this Bride business is past.
Take care of your own needs. With 7 months out, the bride still has plenty of time to sort the rest out on her own.
I just cannot bring myself to be forgiving to Amanda.. and I feel awful for it.
Don't confuse "forgive" with "reconcile."
In life I've learned that to "forgive and forget" means simply to "let resentment go, move on and not let it eat you up inside." Just the simple passing of time can make it easier to do. You do not have to forgive right this minute. Eventually you will feel better and be able to forgive and forget Amanda. Don't sweat it.
"Reconcile and make ammends" is a whole other deal, and some people aren't worth reconciling with. She doesn't sound like a good friend to have. Besides, you are the one who has to be willing to reconcile, and she'd me the one who'd have to apologize and make ammends. So until she apologies first you don't even have to worry about "Well, should I allow myself to reconcile or not? And what sort of ammends does she need to make?" So you don't have to sweat that right now either.