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Old 12-30-2010, 05:44 PM   #1
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Angry Venting!!!!!!!

So my younger sister just called to tell me that her boyfriend is planning on proposing soon. One small catch though: she's still married to her first husband!!!!! They're almost divorced. But she was engaged once BEFORE her current husband.

What I don't understand is how she has had three guys want to marry her and most of the guys I go out with won't even say "I love you". And then they marry the next girl they go out with. That's happened to me SEVEN times now.

I don't feel like I'm ready for marriage yet (I'm 24), but it would kinda be nice even once if someone would like/love me enough to want to marry me. I should probably be happy for my sis, but I sort of always assumed when we were growing up that I'd be the first to walk down the isle.

Ugh.
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Old 12-30-2010, 05:59 PM   #2
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I want to tell you everything you have probably heard from your girlfriends... Your time will come, and when it does, you will be happy it did! I don't want to be negative, but your sister is younger than you.... younger than 24, and has already experienced "love.... then divorce.... then love again?" Do you want that? Focus on loving you, and the rest will follow! Live your life to the fullest, and as confidently as you can... you will have a great time, and guys find that immensely attractive. As for your sister, I don't know whether you should feel happy or sorry for her. Good luck!
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Old 12-30-2010, 06:01 PM   #3
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I'm sorry that you feel this way. And you are right, 24 is still very young so don't get discouraged or base what your love life should be off your sisters, especially since the 3 engagements seems like she isn't very successful in the long run, even if she can find someone to propose to her. I don't say that to be rude, just to remind you that you are waiting on something that will last and you have plenty of time to find that love that will make it.
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Old 12-30-2010, 06:15 PM   #4
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Not to be a *****, but it sounds like her ideas and standards regarding marriage are skewed. Making the commitment to spend the rest of your life with someone else while you're still in the process of bailing on the first time you went through with that promise...doesn't bode well for long-term stability.

I'm not trying to judge her, promise. Life hands us all sorts of situations, and we all know that we don't get to plan the timing as we'd like. However, the point I'm trying to make is that if she's (more or less) churning through marriage possibilities, how happy can she really be in and with any of them?

Be happy for her, sure, but be wary for her as well. I know absolutely nothing of your lives, but could she be going from marriage to marriage because of self-esteem issues? Just from what you've written, it sounds to me that there could be something far deeper at work here than her being prime marriage material.

Quote:
I don't feel like I'm ready for marriage yet (I'm 24), but it would kinda be nice even once if someone would like/love me enough to want to marry me.
I know that you're venting, so I may be saying this for no reason, but keep in mind that someone loving you enough to marry you does not necessarily make them the person that you want to spend the rest of your life with. Just making sure you're not feeling like you'll have to leap at the chance when it's offered...because that's not the case at all.

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but I sort of always assumed when we were growing up that I'd be the first to walk down the isle.
Again, not to be a *****, but maybe you'll be the first to walk down the aisle and actually make it last?
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Old 12-30-2010, 06:16 PM   #5
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I do agree with what you said Ashley and in my head I know it's true, it's just been frustrating. Not just the part with my sister, but I also don't understand why I'm always the girlfriend before "the one".
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Old 12-30-2010, 06:28 PM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ArcticFrogs View Post



I know that you're venting, so I may be saying this for no reason, but keep in mind that someone loving you enough to marry you does not necessarily make them the person that you want to spend the rest of your life with. Just making sure you're not feeling like you'll have to leap at the chance when it's offered...because that's not the case at all.



Again, not to be a *****, but maybe you'll be the first to walk down the aisle and actually make it last?
I have no intention of settling. And I generally LIKE being single. I like having free time, not having to check in with anyone, etc. . .the only time it's really bothered me is with these engagements (hers and all my exes). Especially cuz a couple of the guys ended up with really mean wives. It's a bit of a blow to the self esteem when a guy marries someone who's mean and controlling but doesn't even say they loved me.
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Old 12-30-2010, 06:32 PM   #7
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just remember, you don't need to worry about being his "the one" until you've found your "the one". Sounds like the right one hasn't found you yet. but he will! (though it will be a little harder now since you keep getting smaller! )
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Old 12-30-2010, 07:00 PM   #8
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you are just not dating the right type of guys. And you said your sister has had 3 engagements and one failed marriage obviously the first 2 didn't work out I would rather wait for the right guy and be married once than go through engagements and weddings like they are nothing
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Old 12-30-2010, 08:10 PM   #9
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My older sister was very upset that I got married before her. It happens for everyone at different times in their life. My sister has never really been happy for me and spent many years waiting for my marriage to fail. I think it's part of the reason why she married the man she did (he's a great guy, but they're really not happy). Please don't get caught up in who does what first, just know that you're "one" is out there and you'll find each other when the time is right. In the meantime, enjoy your freedom and have fun with your life
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Old 12-30-2010, 08:47 PM   #10
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Originally Posted by Andejean View Post
Sounds like the right one hasn't found you yet. but he will! (though it will be a little harder now since you keep getting smaller! )
Haha. Thanks.

And to be fair, I know a big reason a couple of my relationships failed does have to do with the fact that I 100% do NOT want kids. It's surprising how hard it is to find a guy who is ok with that.
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Old 12-30-2010, 09:07 PM   #11
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tattoodles View Post
So my younger sister just called to tell me that her boyfriend is planning on proposing soon. One small catch though: she's still married to her first husband!!!!! They're almost divorced. But she was engaged once BEFORE her current husband.

What I don't understand is how she has had three guys want to marry her and most of the guys I go out with won't even say "I love you". And then they marry the next girl they go out with. That's happened to me SEVEN times now.

I don't feel like I'm ready for marriage yet (I'm 24), but it would kinda be nice even once if someone would like/love me enough to want to marry me. I should probably be happy for my sis, but I sort of always assumed when we were growing up that I'd be the first to walk down the isle.

Ugh.
You shouldn't let the green-eyed monster get the better of you.

Why would you want guys throwing around the love word for you when they don't mean it, anyway? To be honest, I think you have the better deal. Think about it... You've never been divorced... And she has already and yet she's younger than you?

I personally wouldn't care as long as I get my happy ending as well, no matter when. And I am sure you will. Your time will come. You said yourself you're too young and you're not ready for it, so why care so much? Why get upset over it? Just be happy for your sister and let it go.
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Old 12-30-2010, 09:09 PM   #12
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You are concerned that somebody hasn't said he loves you. Be thankful that someone doesn't say it that doesn't mean it.
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Old 12-30-2010, 09:19 PM   #13
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There are other issues here that come into play here. Getting date raped and finding out I was pregnant from it didn't exactly help my self esteem. I know I deserve someone amazing and I'm just going to wait for that.
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Old 12-31-2010, 01:21 AM   #14
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Quality over quantity. Wait patiently, make it count, and you will reap the rewards.

Have you gotten counseling for the date rape issue? It sounds like you could probably really benefit from it. I'm so sorry that happened to you, and I think if you focus on victim recovery steps it may help.
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Old 12-31-2010, 02:09 AM   #15
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I did go to counseling, and maybe could use more but it's not in the budget. :-/
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