So I'm talking to this guy who I'm (I guess you can say i'm seeing but not really?) anyways we had a discussion on marriage and he said a chick broke up with him because when he gets married he'll want a prenup (because he'll be making over 100,000 a yr) and his reason being is because he doesn't want to end up marrying some gold digger who will stick with him for a year or two before taking his money.
What are your views on a prenup? Would you sign one?
I personally think a guy who only makes that much money (not saying it's not alot but still he's no multi millionaire) should be looking for a woman who makes the same amount of money that he does because he's obviously wanting to get married some day but only to impress his family that he has a wife and soon to have children.
I wouldn't sign, I just wouldn't marry the guy because in my case lets say the marriage does only last a year for whatever reason. What's his is only his and what's mine is only mine there for if he bought the house he can easily throw my *** out on the street without thinking twice about it. I'd probably just stay common law because if it ends you don't need to go through a whole divorce (your not getting anything out of it anyways) and you can simply pack up and move on with your life without the hassles. I think anyways. I don't know I've never really came across someone wanting a prenup, and I've never really found myself looking to marry for money (because if I was I'd already be married lmfao) but still.
I heard Suze Orman say once that everyone should get a prenup especially to protect things like retirement accounts. The reason basically is it is easier to talk about money when emotions aren't in the picture and still love eachother. Divorces can get ugly and many reasons include the desire to hurt the other person.
It would really depend what is in the prenup but it really only applies to the things owned prior to marriage. I wouldn't really have an issue with a prenup but again, I'd have to talk to a lawyer myself and see what specifically the prenup says.
My husband and I actually talked about a prenup prior to getting married and my husband was married before as well. I was his friend during his divorce so I saw how he handled that and although every marriage is different, I think we would do ok without one. I don't imagine myself wanting to hurt him financially if things go sour and I don't think he would either. Of course it is a bit idealistic.
When my mom married my step-father, he wanted a prenup. His ex-wife cleaned him out and he was gun-shy. My mom agreed on the condition that it was put in that if he cheated on her she got EVERYTHING. I always thought that was a good compromise, he got his insecurities taken care of, and so did she! LOL!
His ex-wife cleaned him out and he was gun-shy. My mom agreed on the condition that it was put in that if he cheated on her she got EVERYTHING. LOL!
Well see I understand IF you've been married before...he hasn't. But then again I thought about that idea too if it ever came up, because I think it's a good idea. He wants the prenup well if you cheat I get it all since he's the one breaking the marriage vows and not me. haha
I've always been torn on the idea of a prenup. Honestly, this guy doesn't sound like he's got enough to be truly worried about. I don't mean to be unkind but if someone were truly a gold digger they'd be looking for someone who is making a lot more than 100,000 per year (not that it's anything to sneeze at - it's certainly more than hubs n I make LOL).
However, in the case of people who are truly wealthy I'm not sure how I feel. I guess if my hubs had been a millionaire when we married then I would have probably agreed to sign one. Fortunately we were both dirt poor.
I've been thinking about this subject lately from the opposite direction. Myself and 2 of my girlfriends are financially stable people (employed, own our houses outright-no mortgages, good savings and retirement accounts, etc) involved with men who are not good with their money, pretty much live paycheck to paycheck. They've elected simply not to marry their guys even though they are in LTR and I'll likely go that route rather than having HIM sign a prenup.
May be perspective of age (we're all in our 50s), but we're picking the financially practical option over the romantic ideal.
I think that it all depends on the relationship so I am for it in some cases and against it in others. My Mom and step-dad have a pre-nup because they each walked in with their own assets and they wanted to protect themselves incase of divorce and also their children incase of death because my mom has left most of her estate to my sister and I and my step-dad has left most of his estate to his two children so that makes sense to me.
My husband and I do not have a prenup because neither of us had any assets when we met so everything we've bought, earned, saved has been done together even though he works and I do not I stay home and care for our children, house ect so that is how I do my part.
I always thought I would be against it, it is as if you doubt the marriage will not last and you will be left out in the street. When I married I had no assets and neither did he. Prenup wasn't even thought of. But we did divorce and I we split the sheets, so to speak, but we only had one sheet ! Unfortunately many years later he came into money and I didn't get a cent !
A prenup wouldn't bother me at all- as long as it was fair. I, for one, would also insist on a fidelity clause, and would want it to only apply to assets gained before the marriage. That's logical to me, espeiclaly for people who already own houses, savings, etc. Hubs and I went into it with nothing, so nothing to protect. What we've built now, we've built together, and would be split together.
My mom wanted my hubby to sign a prenup. She knew that if she passed away, I would come into A LOT of money (which did end up happening). But she didn't really know him. He isn't the type to just take all the money my mom left me. The only thing he would ask for is his clothes, game systems, laptop and the car.
When we got married, my husband had assets and I had NONE. I didn't even know how much he had when we married. In that case, I would have happily signed, no question. In fact, I'm somewhat amazed that he or his parents didn't ask me to sign one. If we were to split today (after 8 yrs of marriage), I would never dream of taking those assets/inheritances he had before we were married, even if I legally had the right to. However, anything that he or I earned while together, I would feel justified in splitting.
So if your friend wanted me to sign a pre-nup about assets he had prior to the marriage, I would sign, but not anything to do that he acquired during the marriage. Marriage is about supporting each other and pushing each other to do more, and earn more. There is a lot to be said about a woman or man who stays at home to raise a couple's children, and so the other spouse can go to college, work late etc. So in this case, I WOULD NOT sign!!
Last edited by pinkflower; 11-19-2010 at 03:13 PM.
A prenup is like insurance. It would totally suck if your house caught on fire, you don't plan for it to catch on fire, you're not going to purposely make it catch on fire--but in case the unexpected happens, you're protected.
I absolutely think that getting a prenup is a good idea for everybody. It's like a will for your relationship, and saves you from all kinds of headaches down the road. And let's face it--with divorce rates so high in this country, it's worth the extra bit of headache. (Just like writing a will.) I've never been married--as a student, I don't make any money--but I'd still get a prenup. It can't hurt.
Quote:
Originally Posted by cherbear
When my mom married my step-father, he wanted a prenup. His ex-wife cleaned him out and he was gun-shy. My mom agreed on the condition that it was put in that if he cheated on her she got EVERYTHING. I always thought that was a good compromise, he got his insecurities taken care of, and so did she! LOL!
A prenup is like insurance. It would totally suck if your house caught on fire, you don't plan for it to catch on fire, you're not going to purposely make it catch on fire--but in case the unexpected happens, you're protected.
I absolutely think that getting a prenup is a good idea for everybody. It's like a will for your relationship, and saves you from all kinds of headaches down the road. And let's face it--with divorce rates so high in this country, it's worth the extra bit of headache. (Just like writing a will.) I've never been married--as a student, I don't make any money--but I'd still get a prenup. It can't hurt.
Eighteen months ago I would have vehemently disagreed with this...I was of the opinion that you were "planning" on your marriage failing if you had a pre-nup...then my parents marriage fell completely to pieces without warning. Being the oldest child and most mature person in the whole process (eyeroll) I got stuck in the middle of a lot of the financial stuff...it is not pretty. I will definitely be looking into a prenup if/when I get married.
Personally, his making 100K a year isn't impressive enough to require a prenup. The more you make, the more you spend, and it's not like after a year or two pots of money will be sitting around waiting to be taken. LOL
I don't know. I don't think a prenup would bother me, as long as I had some input.
I have no problems with a fair prenup that allows individuals to keep assets they've accumulated before the marriage.
In earlier years, people got married much younger, so they had fewer assets to protect. Now, with people pushing marriage into later years, they are more likely to have individually acquired assets. There's nothing wrong, in my opinion, with protecting those assets.
I also think, and please don't take this the wrong way, that people are a little naive when it comes to love. I've seen enough bad breakups to know that even kind, reasonable people can be vindictive and cruel in the face of an acrimonious divorce. People act out the pain of the relationship ending by getting spiteful. You can't assume that the loving, caring person you married won't have their objectivity and fairness crippled by the emotional pain of a breakup.
We don't have one, because we both came into our marriage without a lot of assets. But I don't have any problems with them otherwise.
Prenups...
