I was at my daughter's mother in laws house this past weekend (we are good friends). While there a bunch of women were sitting around, including my daughter and her sister in law (the mother in laws daughter) who is 21 years old, a few neighbors and one who brought over her very cute 17 month old grandson. He sat on his grandmas lap so nicely for about 10 minutes and then all of a sudden he burst out in tears.
His grandma couldn't get him to stop crying. My friends daughter, the 21 year old brings out a thing of dunk-a-roos (small cookies with a dipping cream) and a small black and white cookie.
I'm like, "I don't think he's hungry, I think he just got a little scared and overwhelmed by all the strange people". She's like, "but this will make him happy". I'm seething, but trying to hide it.
The grandmother says I don't even think he's ever had this kind of stuff before (given that he's 17 months old). But the 21 year old waves the dunk a roos in front of his face, it's foreign to him, he's not interested, she puts in near his mouth, he's not interested.
The same thing happens with the black and white cookie.
And I keep saying, "he's not hungry, that's not what he needs". And I get back, "yeah, but it'll make him feel better, it'll make him stop crying"
After the cookie attempts fail, she brings out the big guns. A long, laffy taffy candy. She unwraps it and dangles it in front of him, he turns away. She actually puts it in his mouth, he turns away. She gives it another go and sure enough, he takes the bait. He is now sucking on this sweet candy - and stops crying.
And there you have it. This child has now learned when he is stressed, scared, or sad that sugar/candy is a soother.
I was quietly flipping out, my daughter sees this and is trying to tell me to keep it down and I did. But I feel as if I just witnessed a massacre. And I can't get it out of my head. Especially given that the perpetrator is my daughters sister in law and what the heck is she going to do to my grandchildren?
I always known that we do this to our children, I honestly can't precisely remember what I did with my own (though I would do things differently now), but here I saw it unfold right before my very own eyes. I saw it. From the beginning. I was powerless to stop it. I felt helpless.
This boy needed a hug, a change of scenery, some quite time, his mother. And in absence of that, he got - sugar. And so it begins....