Now, I won't say that ensures I won't end up married someday. Life changes, people change. I might discover that one-and-only person who is worth the time and effort. But I doubt it.
Quote:
Originally Posted by AZ Sunrises
It's so much easier to use your weight as an excuse to isolate yourself from the opposite sex than it is to deal with the feelings/fear of rejection, abandonment, and inadequacy that that is the real issue. When the excess weight starts disappearing, you're forced to deal with it...or withdraw completely.
This and this.
I've always been single by choice (too picky, want my space, like being alone, wouldn't know how to go about a relationship, all the excuses). And while some of those are still true, I finally realized I probably used weight to seclude myself.
As it's coming off, I'm feeling suprisingly more inclined to be open to the possibility of someone but I'm still not willing to settle. Would rather be alone than settle anytime. I like being my own person too much. My friends who refer to their sig other for everything annoy the snot out of me. BE YOUR OWN PERSON FIRST. /mini rant
But back to the original point, I'm okay either way. I'll be shocked if I'm married by the age of 40 (I'm 25), I'd be fine with a relationship that never leads to marriage and I'd be good with being single...it all depends on if I can meet a guy that I click with well enough.
I've always said I'd rather have a kid than a husband...I'll probably adopt either way.
I'm 38, and single by choice. I'd say I'm also in that gray area at this point in my life. I have had a few serious boyfriends, and have dated a lot of guys while travelling and working abroad for the past seven years. I've been looking, and have dated guys I've met online off and on throughout the years. When I came back to Canada almost five months ago, I met a guy I knew from the past and we hit it off. We dated for almost three months, but he had so much baggage from his past marriage, that we ended up breaking up a month ago. Since then, I've decided to focus on me and my goals, and not go looking. I have always enjoyed being single, and I highly value my alone time. If I find someone to live with or marry that is right for me, then I may think about it, but for right now I am highly enjoying looking after me and developing my friend and family relationships. People always say that you find someone when you are not looking and least expect it, but who cares at this point.
My opinion is that you just never know. I was 29 and had not met "Mr Right." I was perfectly content with my life as it was. I had my own place next door to my mom, which was great as she was getting older. I had a good job and could do as I wished. I just figured this was how things were going to be. Then I met my now husband. We went out on our first date and I knew this was the man I was going to marry. We were inseparable after that and 8 mos later we were married. My mom even loved him. lol No easy feat believe me! We have now been married 19 years and our youngest (he had children from a previous marriage) will be 18. Have things always been perfect? No. Have they been worth it. Yep. Life is full of surprises. Just keep yourself and your heart open to them.
I was one of those girls that NEVER wanted to settle down or have children. Life was a party and I wanted it to remain that way for the rest of my life! Sure, I dated casually here and there, had my fun as it came and went BUT I always maintained and convinced myself that I never wanted to be a wife or mother. This was my mindset as a teenager and up until my young adulthood. Then about four years ago, I met a wonderful man that changed everything and I absolutely love being a wife and can't wait to be a mother!
Single by choice so far but am starting to actively look for a LTR at nearly 51!
I knew I didn't want children and found in my teens and twenties that the guys interested in marriage were because they wanted to start families. I was one of those girls who always had a boyfriend from age 11 on so it didn't concern me too much that I wasn't settling down when everyone else was getting married. At age 30 I gained 100 lbs. and took a job where I traveled for a living and by the time I was 32 was no longer dating. I certainly didn't PLAN to take an 18 year break from dating but it obviously didn't bother me too much.
Part of my motivation to lose this weight was to re-enter the dating world with the idea now of looking for a LTR rather than just a short term boyfriend. Still highly doubtful I'll marry, but wanting to be in a relationship is a pretty amazing attitude adjustment for me so who knows where my attitude will be in another few years?
I've been married before (he left) and have been in long-term relationships since and almost got re-married (I backed out) but at 37 I have finally figured out that I really enjoy being single. Being in a relationship is hard work and it just seems more stressful to me. People say , "well you haven't found the right one" I really don't think that's it. I just don't want the hassle. I enjoy my life. It's me and my daughter who is 13 and we just do what we want without having to worry about anyone else. I feel complete. That may change later. I will never say never but right now I have no interest whatsoever in dating or remarrying. It makes me cringe to think about it LOL!
I knew I'd always be single. But only recently I realized and admitted to myself that I'm actually asexual. I'm happy being single, happy being alone and VERY happy to never have sex. I'm still a virgin and very happy about that.
I met my SO through friends and I just thought he was sexy and that we would have a fling for a few months. I was headed to another part of the country in september and he was moving to another part of the province at the same time. Our mutual friends (each of our best friends) had fallen for each other and ran away to the other side of the country so it made sense that we kinda took over the roll for each other. (and the sex was fantastic) about 6-9 months later (not sure when it started exactly) the night before I was to fly away he proposed to me. I was like "WTF NO!? We're breaking up tomorrow remember?" So the next day he saw me off with my family and that was that.
4 years later, and maybe 3-4 e-mails in that whole time span, He just happened to land a job 2 hours away from me. We met up for 'a movie' and now, a few more years later we're getting married in May. It's not a conventional relationship. I have my private office of secluded art space. He has his computer geek space. I work mostly days and he works mostly nights so I have 3-5 days of freedom a week. I go out when ever I want, he does too. Most days we don't even sleep at the same time so I have the bed to myself.
He's the perfect guy because even though we live together it's only part-time
Wow, I just checked back in on this thread for the first time today...I really liked reading all those responses! Look at all your stories, it's actually really amazing and interesting.
I had always pictured myself married with kids. I'm very domestic and love to take care of people, and I have always craved the security of a relationship, but just recently I really got honest with myself and admitted that I just don't see those things in my future. It makes me kind of sad (I'm tearing up a little), but it's also kind of empowering...rather than wasting my life prowling and searching for something that I am not intended to have, I can just focus on things that are attainable. I guess you could say that I'm not the "marrying type" and just realized it...
Now I find myself building a little wall, practicing my get-out-of-interactions-with-men moves and learning to avoid eye contact. It goes against my nature to avoid men, but that's what I'm doing...it all seems so pointless.
I sometimes think that maybe me and men just don't mix. I mean, I do like them ever so much (maybe all my hormones or something?), but, it seems like they either don't like me, or the ones that do like me don't like all of me, or, we have different things we want in life, issues with being faithful, etc.
Sigh.
I am lonely at times, but, I just am not sure there is a good guy out there for me. I would love to be a mom and have a family, though. I really worry about that happening for me. I do think at times, that what am I worth if I can't have kids? I feel like it is my calling to be a mom and I worry that I may not make enough money to be able to afford adoption.
Yeah, I often feel like most of the men who are the marrying kind are already married by my age. I feel like the ones left are the scraps lol or they are divorced but, in all honesty, I'm very conservative about the issue of divorce and tend to wonder why the man couldnt keep his marriage together in those cases. (I'm a bit biased and tend to assume it is the man's fault too...yeah....chip on my shoulder...lol)
For the most recent comments re: adoption- look into adopting through the foster system. Yes, you will most likely end up with an older child, but, there are tons of kids that need homes, and, the process is exceptionally low in cost.
For the OP- It sounds to me less like you don't want to get married, and more like you think it's not going to happen so you're just going to let it go. Which to me seems like a defeatist attitude towards the whole thing. Instead- fill your life with the things you love to do. Maybe you will find someone who shares in those things, but if not, your life is already full of other things that bring you joy. Don't think of it as I will or I won't get married. Think of it as a possibility, but not a priority. I think of it kind of the way that I think abotu artichokes. I do not like artichokes. In general, I think they are foul and digusting vegetables that I avoid at all costs. I don't, however, say that I will never eat artichokes. Instead, if a dish looks promising, I'll try it. Artichokes and all. I've spit out more than a few dishes. But, without being willing to try them, I would have never learned that cheesy artichoke dip is a gift straight from the gods. If you need to take a break from dating- do it. Tell yourself that for 6 months or a year or whatever, You don't date. But don't make the decision to never date or enter into a relationship simply because you're afraid to want it and have it not happen.
As a side note: If you always saw yourself as a mom- what's to stop you? Adopt, or foster, or mentor. There are thousands of kids looking for someone with a nurturing attitude and someone who would care for them.
