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Would you speak up, or keep quiet?

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Old 07-13-2010, 02:58 AM   #1
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Question Would you speak up, or keep quiet?

How do you deal with situations where you may not agree with the group consensus? Do you speak your mind, and be kind of alienated, or do you keep quiet, but risk being associated with viewpoints you don't believe in?
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Old 07-13-2010, 03:59 AM   #2
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Depends on the situation, I guess. There are many things I believe in that I won't (well, usually) open my mouth about unless asked directly because it's of little benefit or I just don't have a desire to argue with ignorant. On the other hand, if I see some sort of discrimination or abuse, I absolutely will be the one to stand up and say something. I don't have a problem with confrontation (sometimes I think I'm a little too good at it- hehe) and I refuse to stand by and let something like that happen while I'm around.
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Old 07-13-2010, 05:00 AM   #3
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I usually speak up. In a respectful way of course. I'm just naturally inclined to speak my mind, and yes sometimes it makes people upset or like me less, but I don't feel right just going along with something to make someone like me or think they do.
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Old 07-13-2010, 05:08 AM   #4
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I usually speak up if it's an important issue. Otherwise, I just keep quiet and think "whatever".
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Old 07-13-2010, 05:15 AM   #5
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Quote:
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I usually speak up if it's an important issue. Otherwise, I just keep quiet and think "whatever".
Me too. I've moved from never daring to say anything, through having to say something every time, out to picking my battles. Like others, I'll speak up on justice issues (w-i-d-e field there), otherwise, meh.
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Old 07-13-2010, 07:07 AM   #6
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Depends for me too. However, if I really don't want to be associated with a view point, I'll speak up. I'd rather be hated for who I am than loved for who I'm not. Just my opinion.

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Old 07-13-2010, 07:28 AM   #7
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I'm so opinionated that I try to hold my tongue unless someone asks my opinion or I really think that they are being (usually politically) awful. I save my little opinions for Forums where no one will get that upset.
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Old 07-13-2010, 10:51 AM   #8
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Im non-confrontational and therefore usually just smile and nod and keep my mouth shut.
I think I've gotten better at this with age also.
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Old 07-13-2010, 11:31 AM   #9
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I don't know which way the majority leans here...I lean very much one way...I do know some of the most out-spoken here lean the opposite of me...

which has created very fun ~ enjoying ~ and heated threads over the years..

sometimes, even trying to express the utmost respect to the other side of my opinion, my "tone" doesn't always come across as I wish.

I have learned to pick my battles....

well...sometimes...wink
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Old 07-13-2010, 11:47 AM   #10
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I definitely pick my battles AND sometimes by dealing with the person I can tell that anything is a total waste of effort and I have WAY better things to do! On injustices though I always say what I think!
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Old 07-13-2010, 01:11 PM   #11
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I would speak up but be prepared that my opinion may not be the most popular.
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Old 07-13-2010, 02:03 PM   #12
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I've always been an outspoken person. My opinion is all mine, but I ain't afraid to share it!
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Old 07-13-2010, 02:18 PM   #13
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Sometimes ... me making my point would have no positive effect on anyone. If I can prevent danger? Heck yes, you'll hear from me.
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Old 07-13-2010, 02:27 PM   #14
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Quote:
Originally Posted by milliondollarbbw View Post
How do you deal with situations where you may not agree with the group consensus? Do you speak your mind, and be kind of alienated, or do you keep quiet, but risk being associated with viewpoints you don't believe in?

I don't find that speaking my mind alienates anyone unless my comments, posture or tone of voice comes off as rudeness, anger, superiority or self-righteousness.

I LOVE hearing other people's opinions, so I tend to assume that everyone loves to hear mine. And I guess that assumption makes all the difference, because I often discuss extremely controversial topics even with virtual strangers at times, and everyone seems to be having a great time.

I think the key is sharing your opinion in a way that doesn't bash the other person's opinion (even if you secretly want to).

Part of my training as a mental health professional and as a probation officer included learning to appear sympathetic, even when I couldn't feel sympathetic (and oddly pretending to be sympathetic actually makes you more sympathetic. I guess acting "as if" can make it true). But as a result I learned to hide negative reactions.

I've learned that people usually don't care if you disagree with them, as long as you don't appear to be telling them outright that they're wrong (even if your statement essentially does just that by implication).

"I can see your point," or some other positive acknowledgment of their opinion is a wonderful opening for stating a disagreeing opinion. Often you can say almost anything after the "but", as long as it's not overtly hostile.

With friends, over time, when you've proven that you're not judgemental of opinions you disagree with, you can even drop a lot of the "diplomacy" statements. In my experience, eventually, you can even say "you're wrong," and get into heated debates without offending, because they know you do respect their opinions (and they've come to respect yours).

The key is in learning to share your opinions without hostility or judgement. Even when hostility and judgement seem to be the appropriate response.
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Old 07-13-2010, 03:17 PM   #15
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Stand up! Speak up!

But exactly what types of situations are we talking about here? If it's about what to get for dinner I usually keep my mouth shut and just go with it.

If we're talking about something big - I almost always have a pretty big opinion on it, and you should prepare for a lengthy conversation!
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