Well, I have so many problems, I really don't know what to do anymore. I need some advice on a number of things and I really don't have anybody to talk to.
I have alot of home problems, I'm 18 and still living with my mom. She has a problem that is weighing on me, and I can't take it much longer.
I'm overweight, about 215lbs, and though i try to lose it, with different diets and poor attempts at excercising, I haven't seen many results.
My most weighing problem, is the fact that I don't have anyone who I can count on, anyone to support me, and nobody to really talk to.
I don't trust very many people, in truth you could probably say I don't trust anybody. However, I recently met a guy on the internet. He was sweet, understanding and I really liked him. I was completely honest with him and he was honest with me. We spoke on the telephone and I even wrote him a letter. I had opened my heart up to him and told him almost everything about me, including all of my problems and my deepest secrets, and he did the same with me. For some reason I trusted him. Well in the letter I had sent him, I guess I must of scared him off because the next thing I knew he was telling me that there was really no future for us. I had basically told him in the letter that he was gaining power over me because of the emotions I was feeling for him and that he should break it off with me before I got to like him even more, if he wasn't feeling the same way. It wasn't something we hadn't already spoken about. Well, he told me that we should only stay friends. I guess that wasn't the answer I had been expecting. Prior to him getting the letter, he had been telling me all the things we would do when we were together. He told me that he'd protect me from his family because they were kind of crazy. He put the "future" into our discussions and then turned around and dropped that bomb on me.
I had been really getting attached to this guy. He wasn't perfect or anything like that, but neither am I. I don't date here at home, I have no opportunity to date. And nobody will give me the time of day because of my weight. I wear it well but I guess I just don't make the cut. He truely had my heart on a platter and it feels like he placed that platter in the microwave and now it's splattered all over the place and I don't have the energy to pick up all the pieces.
For once, I had been thinking positively about my future. i wasn't thinking... oh... well if I lost alot of weight someone would love me eventually. I had finally found someone who could love me without me losing the weight... and someone who promised to help me lose the weight if that was what I really wanted.
To top it all off, I had fought my mother to gain the right to speak with this guy. I had risked so much, because he had told me all the great things, and now I have nothing to show for it. I truely believe that he still feels the way he did, and I think he is just scared, but I don't know what to do. i am at such a complete loss, because although I don't think I was in love with him, deep down I know I was already half way there.
I drank a can of pop tonight, and I broke my diet, and this was before I had even spoken with him, but I knew that one can wouldn't matter... it would be my last for a while... and my guy would still care about me anyway. And now, I'm thinking about drinking another and another. I have to fill this hole in me with something, and I'm losing the strength and will-power to do it the healthy way.
The thing that makes me the most angry is that I had opened myself to him, and I never do that with anybody. And now I wish I hadn't done that, because I hurt even more now then I did before I met him.
I'm scared, tired, lonely and hopeless. I don't know what to do, and I have nobody to talk to about this.
If anyone has any advice or who has similar problems please contact me.
Thank You, Quiet_Kitten