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I'm hopeless

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Old 10-03-2002, 09:04 PM   #1
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Unhappy I'm hopeless

Well, I have so many problems, I really don't know what to do anymore. I need some advice on a number of things and I really don't have anybody to talk to.

I have alot of home problems, I'm 18 and still living with my mom. She has a problem that is weighing on me, and I can't take it much longer.

I'm overweight, about 215lbs, and though i try to lose it, with different diets and poor attempts at excercising, I haven't seen many results.

My most weighing problem, is the fact that I don't have anyone who I can count on, anyone to support me, and nobody to really talk to.

I don't trust very many people, in truth you could probably say I don't trust anybody. However, I recently met a guy on the internet. He was sweet, understanding and I really liked him. I was completely honest with him and he was honest with me. We spoke on the telephone and I even wrote him a letter. I had opened my heart up to him and told him almost everything about me, including all of my problems and my deepest secrets, and he did the same with me. For some reason I trusted him. Well in the letter I had sent him, I guess I must of scared him off because the next thing I knew he was telling me that there was really no future for us. I had basically told him in the letter that he was gaining power over me because of the emotions I was feeling for him and that he should break it off with me before I got to like him even more, if he wasn't feeling the same way. It wasn't something we hadn't already spoken about. Well, he told me that we should only stay friends. I guess that wasn't the answer I had been expecting. Prior to him getting the letter, he had been telling me all the things we would do when we were together. He told me that he'd protect me from his family because they were kind of crazy. He put the "future" into our discussions and then turned around and dropped that bomb on me.

I had been really getting attached to this guy. He wasn't perfect or anything like that, but neither am I. I don't date here at home, I have no opportunity to date. And nobody will give me the time of day because of my weight. I wear it well but I guess I just don't make the cut. He truely had my heart on a platter and it feels like he placed that platter in the microwave and now it's splattered all over the place and I don't have the energy to pick up all the pieces.

For once, I had been thinking positively about my future. i wasn't thinking... oh... well if I lost alot of weight someone would love me eventually. I had finally found someone who could love me without me losing the weight... and someone who promised to help me lose the weight if that was what I really wanted.

To top it all off, I had fought my mother to gain the right to speak with this guy. I had risked so much, because he had told me all the great things, and now I have nothing to show for it. I truely believe that he still feels the way he did, and I think he is just scared, but I don't know what to do. i am at such a complete loss, because although I don't think I was in love with him, deep down I know I was already half way there.

I drank a can of pop tonight, and I broke my diet, and this was before I had even spoken with him, but I knew that one can wouldn't matter... it would be my last for a while... and my guy would still care about me anyway. And now, I'm thinking about drinking another and another. I have to fill this hole in me with something, and I'm losing the strength and will-power to do it the healthy way.

The thing that makes me the most angry is that I had opened myself to him, and I never do that with anybody. And now I wish I hadn't done that, because I hurt even more now then I did before I met him.

I'm scared, tired, lonely and hopeless. I don't know what to do, and I have nobody to talk to about this.

If anyone has any advice or who has similar problems please contact me.

Thank You, Quiet_Kitten
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Old 10-03-2002, 10:08 PM   #2
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Angry Hi Kitten!

I was just heading off to bed when I ran into your post. Welcome to 3FC! Sounds like you're feeling pretty down right now. While I don't have any amazing words of wisdom to bestow upon you, I just wanted to let you know that you're not alone. When I was 18 (7 yrs ago), I was 230 pounds and feeling pretty unloveable when it came to romantic relationships. I thought I'd be alone forever or end up marrying some guy I had settled for. I couldn't have been more wrong; when I was 20 I met a wonderful, handsome, intelligent, charming man and married him 3 years later! My point is, I know right now you feel like there's nothing else out there for you other than this guy... you're young though and you have no idea what amazing things still lie ahead of you! I can tell by your post that you are very intelligent and articulate and therefore have the ability to go far! Don't let your weight dictate your future!

If you ARE looking for diet support, you've definitely come to right place! My advice to any newbie is to join an established thread and post daily... soon you'll have a huge group of friends to support, motivate, and understand you! I think it's made all the difference for me!

Hope things get worked out for you!

Sara
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Old 10-04-2002, 04:42 AM   #3
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I agree with everything SaraJoy said I'd also like to point out a few more things..

Drinking the pop didnt blow your diet, so please don't feel guilty for that. There really are no taboo foods, you can have anything within reason, as long as you don't go overboard. You very well could have gone on a binge, but you didn't, you just had a pop. You should feel proud of yourself for that.

You said that you don't have anyone to support you. Sometimes it's difficult to find support from people that have never experienced what you are going through. Friends and family can mean well, but they don't always really understand. At least here at 3FC, we all have weight issues. We've been there, often quite a few times. Please feel free to come here as often as you need, and we think you will find the right kind of support here.

You will find someone, and please don't think that your weight is holding you back. Of course there are many men that prefer thinner women. However, there are a lot of men that don't like sticks and prefer women with a little meat on their bones Better still, there really are men out there that don't care about size and will look at the real you. And THOSE are the only men that matter. You wouldn't want to waste your time on someone that is shallow, would you? So what it sounds like you thought you had with this fellow, (someone that cared, regardless of your size) can really happen. Regarding the man you met online, if you think he is a real friend and you enjoy his company, try to accept the fact that it is just a friendship. Some of the best relationships I've had in my life have been platonic friendships with men.

Good luck
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Old 10-13-2002, 09:26 AM   #4
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YOu have to come to the right place! We are all here to support one another. NO matter how your day goes, no matter how someone treats you at home, you have the people here on the 3FC site. These are some of the best people around. Stick to your goals and don't sweat the small stuff.. If you keep posting here, I promise, you will recieve the support you need.

Best of luck!
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Old 10-13-2002, 10:15 PM   #5
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Hi Quiet_Kitten, and welcome to 3fc.

Reading your post almost made me cry. You sound so sad. I don't really have any great words of wisdom but please know that these things happen to a lot of other people. You are not alone. Many of us have felt lost or lonely, been hurt by others or been faced with difficulties in our lives. I know it sounds cliche but only you can make yourself happy and it is hard but you can't let other people have power over how you feel, not your mom or some guy.

You are only 18 and have your whole life ahead of you. Please know that you can do this for yourself. Think about what you want for yourself and how you can reach your goals. Even just doing small things for yourself like going for walks, reading up on subjects that interest you, learning new things, taking up a new craft or hobby can help you spiritually and emotionally. I think that building yourself up through your mind and heart is a stepping stone to feeling better about yourself.

You have definetely come to the right place for support and caring. There are so many great people on this site

Take care of yourself and I hope to see you posting on the boards
(virtual hug)
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Old 10-16-2002, 11:32 PM   #6
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Quiet Kitten you are in the write place....but honey stay away from the man you have been writing to...he may not be what you think he is and you really can't take chances....also anyone who tells you that they will protect you from their family because the family is weird....well that sounds really scary to me....I finally found a man who adores me for myself and it took 43 years...well worth the wait....if someone doesn't want you they are not worth the time.....go to school and make a life without a man and you will find out that they're not all that............
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Old 10-17-2002, 05:17 AM   #7
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hi quiet kitten. welcome to 3fc.

i havnt really come on here with a solution to your problem, but ive come on here to offer you a shoulder to cry on and support. you sound so down that my heart sank for you. but please try not to feel that way. i know it is real difficult, but like every1 says, your 18 and have your whole life in front of you, you will find some1.

weight is always going tobe a problem in this day and age, but like you said you carry it well, so try and look at yourself positively instead of negatively for a change. it is tough and this whole world is tough but youve got to look at life as it is and do something about it. all it takes is 1 small step.

i met my husband after a relationship with my ex got frightfully terrifying. i have a daughter with my ex and after i had her i got bigger n bigger nhe got more abusive towards me. to cut a long story short, he took all my confidence and fed on it like it was some sort of drug. i was only 17 had no support of my family as i left home at 16, and was literally on my lonesome as i didnt have no friends either. he told me that i was to fat and ugly for anyone to ever fancy me so i had to stay with him. looking back now i can laugh about ir cos i believed him!! i did stay with him, he didnt love me he just wanted some1 to control. i felt like my life was at an end, but then out popped my husband who really did love me, fat or thin, he loved me!! i was alot bigger when i met the hubby and he loved me then and he loves me now and i know hed love me if i went humungous!!!

the moral of me telling you this story is to let you know that you are not on your own, theres alot of people who can relate to what you are going through. if i had given up, i wouldnt be where i am now. i have another daughter am married to a wonderful man and have been back on speaking terms with my family again for 5 years now and its all down to a man where the weight issue doesnt concern him. and believe me, there is alot of men like him out there.

PLEASE dont give up hope. try living a little, instead of searching and youll bump into that special somebody. try n keep your chin up and be strong. your at the right place for support. youll get hoodles of it here. and every1 has something in common with some1else. so keep posting regularly and youll notice the difference in your confidence and outlook of life. take care of yourself.

emma
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