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just a vent: mother

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Old 06-15-2010, 12:29 AM   #1
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Default just a vent: mother

So my mom is about 5'4 and 260(im assuming and growing)...

Sometimes i feel like the reason i'm fat is because o fmy parents.. not learning to eat healthy amounts..etc mind you i got fat when iw as bout 17? or 19? lol

But just an example, we've never been able to have "bad" foods in our home, because they are DEVOURED instantly. I want to be able to have those foods in my home with out worrying that my kids wont be able to control themselves.. This weekend was a real eye opener to what a problem my mom has.. even my dad.. my dad if he thinks he is getting fat he is about 6'0 and 190lbs NOT FAT AT ALL, he just stops eating. My mom is the opposite... Anyway this weekend my dad brought home ice cream ( i can control myself, i dont have a problem with portions anymore or anything) You know those 4 Gal tubs? well he brought home 2, my dad is in love with ice cream and he never buys it so he bought it.

That was 3 days ago, my mom and him.. FINISHED 2-4 gal tubs. It just made me go "oh my god" I know my dad i KNOW he would have a bit because he loves it, but its my mom... she had a bowl every few hours, we're not talking the 1/2 cup serving or even 1 cup serving.. we're talking 2 cup..


I just dont understand her, she bought an elliptical last year, used it for a week, my dad tried *he hated it and didnt have time, he works and works, really he needs some weights it would make him just feel better and eat better, but hes a good weight* She went to LA weight loss...

I just dont understand it, any suggestion of exercise and watching what she eats and suddenly she comes down with a case of 'ohhh im sooo sore today' or whatever else.. she has spent SO MUCH money on diets, nutrisystem, la weight loss, weight watchers.. she does it for about 2 months then she binges.

I have tried to give her advice, i never noticed it before but in the past year i've really tried to watch what i do and i can't help but notice in her too.

She continuously buys garbage food (anything you can make in the oven out of a box is good to her) and she will watch what i eat but instead of following the suggestions on the box like i tell her, she doubles it or triples it. Then she buys all kinds of things that she sees me eat once in a while and doubles that (popcorn, ice cream...etc) She buys "protein" bars all the time and eats the whole box in less than 2 days..


I'm sorry there is no point to my post i'm just venting because i have no where else to go with it..... i have such a hard time dealing with her because all she does is whine about how fat she is..etc, but if you mention watching what she eats or even FOLLOWING weight watchers or LA... she gets so weird and if you mention exercise? WOW...

I mean this woman does NOTHING all day long NOTHING. Sits on the internet or on the couch all day, everyday.. Cuts the grass BUT only uses the ride lawn mower (granted it takes like 6 hours to cut our lawn, but still you could use the push for a bit and get some exercise) she has 2 beautiful dogs that would LOVE daily walks... does she do it? no. But my dad comes home after a long day of work, works outside, just work work work and then because he sees me leave with my dog to go walk him *trying to get him socialized and just more out there, its too hard for me to take all 3 when 2 of them are well over 100 lbs* He goes and walks them...




im done i guess
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Old 06-15-2010, 12:55 AM   #2
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It is so painful to watch someone that you love eat without any thought to their health. I have that in my family as well. You mom will have to hit her personal "bottom" before she wakes up and realizes just what she is doing to herself. The only thing you can do it learn from her mistakes and then turn around and be a good example for her. It may be that she will eventually start talking about it. She is probably struggling with her behavior and wishing she could change, but feels hopeless. Maybe you can be the one to give her that hope.
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Old 06-15-2010, 01:14 AM   #3
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I agree with the above post.
Maybe it'll take a health scare to get her to take action.
I understand your frustration and it's hard to watch someone, especially someone that you love, do things to themselves that are unhealthy.
Find a little peace for yourself in knowing that you cannot change other people. They have to make the change. Love her and be supportive.
Hugs to you both
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Old 06-15-2010, 01:25 AM   #4
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Sometimes people don't want to take responsibility for their actions or maybe they don't want to deal with the issues that cause them to eat the junk. I hope she hits her rock bottom before for some serious health issue kicks in.
I know I used to be able to eat a whole bag of chips , or cookies, or a tub of ice cream with no problem. Now, I don't even buy the things because I call them "danger" foods. I know I might have issues making my self stop. I know it's sad but she has to really want to change herself and until then,

Hopefully she will be inspired by you. You are doing a fantastic job! Keep it up!
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Old 06-15-2010, 01:29 AM   #5
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*HUGS* thanks guys..

Its just one of those why whine about it when you aren't doing ANYTHING to prevent it.. my grandmother is the exact same...

its true she will have to hit her own bottom before she gets out...
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Old 06-15-2010, 01:53 AM   #6
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Your mom is addicted to sugar. It's hard as old heck for sugar addicts to change their eating habits. If it were easy, there would be far fewer chubby people.
I am addicted to sugar so when I eat sugary foods I am out of control. My portion sizes are enormous. I can finish a DQ cake in less than 24 hours. When something "good" comes into the house I obsess over it until it's gone. I can eat a pie or a box of eclairs in one sitting.

For sugar addicts, they need to detox and start a liveable eating plan. I started South Beach and I'm at the end of week 5. Not one binge No sugar crap.

Some day, when your mom is ready, she will be able to give up the beast that is sugar. Until then, even with weight loss efforts which just *moderate* sugar use, I believe ultimately she will not be successful (I know I could never stick to a plan long term without giving up sugar) But once she's ready, you can be her cheerleader and biggest supporter. Until then though, your nudges will be in vain and she may even grow resentful.
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Old 06-15-2010, 01:56 AM   #7
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ok i can so relate to this.

our house was the same way with the junk foods... it did NOT last. I love my mom more than anyone on this planet and it just makes me so sad that she doesn't take better care of herself.

I've been in the position where I would talk the talk, and now I'm learning to walk that walk and I want her to do the same because I want her around for a long time. (I fully understand that she will do it when she is ready). She works very hard at her job so I can understand that she's super tired, but its her eating. I've thought for years that she has an eating disorder because she barely eats real food. She'll get a 'saucer' of dinner, fill it up 1/3 of the way and then eat less than half of that. And that would be the only 'real' food all day.

I called her today and just randomly asked her had she eaten for the day and she said yes, and I said oh good what did you have and she said 'ice cream and cookies'. I got really sad. Because besides a bologna sandwich that's all she had.

Wow. sorry to rant on your thread. I just could somewhat understand.
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Old 06-15-2010, 05:18 AM   #8
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My mother was the same way. Unfortunately, she was also an abusive, horrid person, so I wasn't upset because I cared about her, but because she irritated me so much. I think I was more mad I the excuses than the actions.
Had she simply owned her behavior, and said "yes I eat way too much junk" that would have been less annoying than how she'd pretend like the way she ate was normal. My parents failed on teaching us how to eat healthy. My dad, who I do love and still have a relationship with, eats so unhealthy, its frightening. He has the 50's mentality of "healthy diet". (Did you ever see the commercial for the Butteron's?) To him a good healthy breakfast is bacon, pancakes with real butter, syrup and whole milk, but my father does not and had never over eaten. And he's not a junk food person either. My mother lived on junk, and binged daily. If she couldn't get food, she would become irritable and nasty. Then she'd complain how she was fat. But heaven forbid someone try to tell her that her eating habits were making her that way, and she'd go off yelling and screaming that it wasn't her fault. That she didn't over eat. She truly believe normal people ate 1/2 gallon of ice cream in one sitting or a whole sleeve of cookies...
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Old 06-15-2010, 06:38 AM   #9
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It seems like there comes a point in many people's lives when they set out to "fix" their family...

I'd suggest that you not judge your mother so harshly and instead focus on your own eating and exercise. Yeah, it sounds like your mom is having trouble--but you have no idea what she needs. She may be depressed, she may feel like food is the only thing worthwhile, who knows? But I doubt it will help her to get the suggestion she use the push lawnmower for exercise. Jeez, that is really hard work, if you've ever done it.

And please don't make your dad the "good guy" and your mom the "bad guy" in this. Who brought the ice cream into the house? That's like bringing booze home with an alcoholic there. It's great that you have so much will power, but it's not so easy for others. She may feel that she has nothing enjoyable in life except for food. Think how hard it would be, to feel that way.

Be sympathetic and caring toward your family, as much as you are able, and stay with your own plan...

Jay
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Old 06-15-2010, 07:52 AM   #10
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This sounds just like my sister, and I'm insanely worried about her. She's my height, about 5 ft. 9, and weighs well over 350 pounds at the age of 31. She's having problems getting around, her knees and ankles hurt to the point where she can't get a job where she has to stand for long periods (she physically can't do it). Unfortunately those jobs are the ONLY jobs she can get, so she's unemployed and living with my dad.

Recently we went to a Renaissance Faire that she just LIVES for every year. It's a 3 hour drive from where we live. She was too hot and ready to leave after 45 minutes. That's when I knew something was wrong. Simple walking at a slow pace made her heart race to the point where she feared she was going to pass out. Yet she still took a break and ate fried pickles, fried cheese sticks and a big buttery bread bowl full of shrimp etouffe crammed full of creamy soups.

I'm the same with her as you are with your mom - it KILLS me to see it. I've told her and tried to explain to her how to do it. I've offered my recipes and even asked her to come for a weekend so she can go grocery shopping with me and learn to cook things better. I've explained that "exercise" doesn't always involve hard time on a treadmill or elliptical - for her just moving is exercise right now. But no...she sits at the computer and in bed all day and all night, playing games and reading and writing.

It all comes down to the WANT to do it. They know they NEED to...just don't WANT to yet. We all reached the point where we got sick of it and wanted to change. Some people get there, others don't. We can't make the choices for them - we can only help ourselves and be prepared to help them if needed.
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Old 06-15-2010, 08:52 AM   #11
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Dealing with your own struggles with weight makes you take notice of others even more so. It sounds like your Mom hasn't had a wake up call. I get so ANGRY when I see my dad spread 4 tbsp of butter on each side of an english muffin. But it's like talking to a wall, if they don't care then it doesn't matter how much you care.

I lash out in anger and say things like "who's going to take care of you when you're too sick to take care of yourself?" I always bring it back to how selfish he's being and urge him to take care of himself for my sake. I don't think it works but I don't know what else to do. I try to set an example, I try to talk to him about health issues, I try to cook healthy.... none of it matters if the person doesn't care.

It's so unfair not to be able to have ice cream in the house when you have a binger like your Mom around. The only thing I can say is to share with her how angry you are, and urge her to get some therapy. This is not a simple problem that will fix itself with a little dieting. Somebody who does nothing all day long except eat and sit on the couch is battling psychological ailments that only she can tap into. She has really cocooned herself into believing it's ok to triple portion sizes.
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Old 06-15-2010, 09:57 AM   #12
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Its hard to watch. Glamour we're kind of the same.. my mom wasnt abusive/isnt abusive. I just cannot deal with her as a person, very irrational, no logic behind anything she does and not just with eating.

Jay Ell, i wish i could say i agree but..i dont, I stay out of her way, i dont like to interact with my mother. Because she is selfish/insecure/needy/irrational and illogical...It doesnt affect how i eat or my exercise so thats good, it was more just a rant because sometimes its hard to watch someone do it to themselves knowing they do it to themselves. My dad is the good guy.


Wannabeskinny, my mom definitely has mental issues....I wish she would consider therapy.
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Old 06-15-2010, 10:05 AM   #13
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I posted about a similar situation when I first joined the site. My mom sounds a LOT like yours. And I was disgusted and angry, to be honest. I had a lot of negative feelings towards her and what concerned me most was that it didn’t seem like it was really rooted that much in concern as judgment. You sound like you are genuinely concerned for your mother and that is a wonderful thing, that’s love.

However, as I’ve progressed on my weight loss journey, I’ve gradually let go of a lot of those feelings. It was holding ME back to fret so much, to be angry at her, to judge her and watch her eat…and eat and eat and eat. And we were fighting a lot. I would sit there and watch her fill a giant mixing bowl with Cap N’ Crunch and milk, several times over, and it just got to the point that I couldn’t NOT say something…which of course, no one appreciates and I wouldn’t have either during my feeding days.

Like everyone else said, she will have to make changes on her own and she will have to have a “wake up call”, if you will. You are living your life as an example and that WILL sink in eventually. She will see how good you look and feel, how much energy you have, the things you are able to do, and she’ll begin to want that for herself. She just has to want it enough to take some action, which might take time.
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Old 06-15-2010, 11:06 AM   #14
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Quote:
I always bring it back to how selfish he's being and urge him to take care of himself for my sake.
Wow. Just wow.

If I were a parent, that would really motivate me. Not.

luciddepths, there are two sides to every story. It does sound like your mom has problems... but they may not all be of her own doing. You're young--and you think you're going to win the battle of life--and I hope you do! But it sounds like your mom figures she isn't going to have that chance, or that it passed her by.

I think it's a good idea for you to stay out of her way, because I doubt you can help her. Hang in there!

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Old 06-15-2010, 11:22 AM   #15
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Quote:
Originally Posted by luciddepths View Post
Sometimes i feel like the reason i'm fat is because of my parents.. not learning to eat healthy amounts..etc mind you i got fat when i was bout 17? or 19? lol

But just an example, we've never been able to have "bad" foods in our home, because they are DEVOURED instantly. I want to be able to have those foods in my home with out worrying that my kids wont be able to control themselves..
You've gotten some truly great advice here! - but one thing I noticed in your post... "I feel like the reason I'm fat is because of my parents".... and then a sentence or two later... "I want to be able to have those foods in my home without worrying that my kids won't be able to control themselves..."

Why? I mean WHY would you want to be able to "have those foods" in your own home? JMPO, but it would be so much easier/better for you and your future children to just eat healthy to begin with. Instead of bringing ice cream into the house, make it a real treat & only get it every 2nd Friday evening on a special trip to the ice cream store, only during summer months... teach your kids that a TREAT is ok, but devouring ANYTHING is not.

I know this is a bit off topic, but that's just what jumped out at me about your post. Sorry! "we now return you to your regularly scheduled posting...."
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