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Weight loss anonymity - it is normal?

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Old 05-26-2010, 09:53 PM   #1
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Cool Weight loss anonymity - it is normal?

So here's a topic I can't seem to get off my mind. I don't feel comfortable talking to friends and family about my weight loss/ healthiness journey. Is that normal?

The only person I really talk to about it is my husband. But I don't want anyone else to know what a struggle this is for me. I don't want them to know how much I think about weight, food, calories in, calories out, exercise, etc.

I don't know whether I'm ashamed that I'm struggling, whether I just don't want to draw attention to the fact that I'm overweight, whether I don't want to make others uncomfortable by talking about it, whether they would think I was just fishing for compliments, whether I just think it's a personal journey etc.

Well, I guess I know the last one isn't true... because I've started a blog and I really want others to support me along this journey. The problem is... I don't want those people to be people that I actually interact with on a daily basis.

My husband and a dear friend who is also on a healthiness journey are the only two people I gave my blog address to. And I've found a couple other followers on 3fc which I LOVE! I just love the comments and support from people who are going through the same thing.

Maybe that's it... maybe I don't want to share my struggle with people who aren't in the same boat. Do I think they won't understand?

Does anyone else out there not talk about their journey with close friends and family?
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Old 05-26-2010, 10:03 PM   #2
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My close friends basically know that I have been picky about my food choices, and that I take a dance class, but that's about it! I too feel uncomfortable talking about it, or bringing it up. Actually I'm fine if they specifically ASK, but otherwise I just don't bother broaching the subject.

I'm kind of nervous to be moving in with three of my close friends soon... I have housemates now but they are not good friends and we don't do much together and have our own separate rooms and cupboards and things like that, but I know the place where I'm moving house meals will be common and we will just know a lot about each others lives. Interested to see how it goes... but just weired out at the fact that people will... know!
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Old 05-26-2010, 10:29 PM   #3
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I know exactly what you are talking about. I tried to keep it from most everyone at work. It hasn't really worked however because people are now commenting on the fact that i eat a lot of fruit and cut up vegetables. The only guy in our department was probably the biggest offender. He has made several comments (not mean) and the other day said "You've been eating a lot of healthy stuff lately. Have you lost any weight?" I wanted to scream "Yes!" but I stopped myself and said only "I am not at liberty to say"

I purposely had chosen not to say anything because I wanted to know when people noticed without worrying they only commented because they knew I had been trying.
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Old 05-26-2010, 10:45 PM   #4
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Same here. My mom knows because she's been calorie counting for longer than I have... and she knows how to use the website and figure calorie counts out for everything. So I ask her. But other than that... I really don't tell anyone else anything except "sorry... can't eat that... I'm on a diet".

(and... off topic... but... URGH... I want a ticker!! But I still have to wait like... another five/six days!!)
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Old 05-26-2010, 11:50 PM   #5
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I do not tell people, that keeps the diet police off my back. I seldom discuss my weight. When I do admit it I usually say"yes, I have lost weight and I did it on purpose". I try then to go to anaother subject. I do this mainly so I don't have to get those unwanted comments.
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Old 05-27-2010, 12:54 AM   #6
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i don't really talk too much about it with my friends or family. and exercising is something i do in secret. i know it sounds ridiculous, but i feel if i let people know i'm trying to lose weight, and fail.. well i'd be really embarrassed.
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Old 05-27-2010, 03:11 AM   #7
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I don't really talk about it except with a handful of particular friends, and even then with all apart from one of them (who is now on this forum) I won't talk about it too much.

For me though, it's because I started by being perfectly open about the fact that I was losing weight, and seemed to get shot down. One of my friends saw me just after I'd lost quite a bit. I was really proud of myself, but didn't go about saying "Look how much weight I've lost!". Didn't say anything about that at all. And when I said hi to her, she just said "You need to eat a sandwich". Another, when I went back to college after the summer criticsed me for keeping a food diary and counting calories and said "That's how you become anorexic". I also got some crap from a friend, when I was half-jokingly talking about how fat my thighs were - "Stop f**king talking about how fat you are all the time!"

Coincidentally, I've noticed that it's usually my friends who are overweight themselves who have a problem with me losing weight. I don't know if that's maybe jealousy or that it reminds them that they're overweight or if they genuinely just don't give a damn. Maybe they just don't get how big a deal it was/is for me.

So I guess don't talk about it much because I'm sick of being insulted for it.
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Old 05-27-2010, 04:44 AM   #8
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I try not to talk about it. I don't really want to bore other people with my current obsession AND I really don't want to listen to their advice!! I find it much easier not to talk to anyone about it.
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Old 05-27-2010, 07:40 AM   #9
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Thanks for all your responses! I didn't know there were others who were "secretly" losing weight too. It is really nice to know I'm not alone in this.
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Old 05-27-2010, 03:22 PM   #10
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interesting post...i guess i'm mixed on the topic. my family doesn't know (except for my mom and dad) because they're loud, italian, and will not hesitate to call me out if i indulged at a family meal or something. many of them lack tact and a filter...
i have a handful of very close friends, and they all know, because i know they wouldn't judge me or be annoying about it, they've always been supportive of any decision i make...i'm very lucky to have them. the only problem is, they're all healthy and in relatively good shape, so i don't always feel like they can truly relate to some of my struggles the way so many of you all on this forum do.
i do have a friend who is morbidly obese, but i feel funny talking to her about it, which seems odd..i've tried to open up to her about it, hoping that we can support each other and be there for each other, but it doesn't seem like she wants to.
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Old 05-27-2010, 03:54 PM   #11
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Quote:
Originally Posted by fillupthesky View Post
the only problem is, they're all healthy and in relatively good shape, so i don't always feel like they can truly relate to some of my struggles the way so many of you all on this forum do.
i do have a friend who is morbidly obese, but i feel funny talking to her about it.
I completely know what you're saying. My best friends are all teeny tiny and I just don't feel like they can relate with my weight loss journey.

But I also feel strange talking with anyone who is heavier than I am because I feel like they're thinking, "what is she complaining about? i'm 50 lbs heavier than she is!"
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Old 05-27-2010, 04:28 PM   #12
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Quote:
But I also feel strange talking with anyone who is heavier than I am because I feel like they're thinking, "what is she complaining about? i'm 50 lbs heavier than she is!"
so true...its really a mixed bag. thats why i love this forum so much...i find that no one here is really judging anyone. we're all going through the same thing, and we're all at different stages.
its all about the support here
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Old 05-27-2010, 07:46 PM   #13
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When I first started I was like that. I only told my husband and one of my sisters. After the weight loss started to show I told everyone what I was doing.

When people ask that are heavier I try to be sensitive because I understand the struggle. This site has taught me a lot in this area. I had people that were where I started but are maintaining gently helping me along the way. Which I appreciate so very much.
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Old 05-27-2010, 09:21 PM   #14
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I kept my mouth shut because I didn't want an audience. Having lost a great deal of weight before, I knew what I was in for & knew I'd be under a lot of pressure. I did not want to add to it by ensuring that everyone would be watching for the results to show and checking up on my performance and asking me how it was going when from looking at me, how it was going would be pretty obvious, particularly if I remained unchanged & it wasn't going well. I'd rather not fail publicly, thankyouverymuch.
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Old 05-27-2010, 09:35 PM   #15
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I'm at the point where people are noticing, so I can't deny it any more. Even my father, who is so oblivious we're not entirely sure he knows that the fridge dispenses water even though we've lived with it for 20 years, has noticed. I tried, though. I really hate talking about how I'm losing weight, and I hate it when people who know ask "How's the diet going?" Even when they're trying to be friendly you just sit there and think to yourself, Must not be well if you have to keep asking me!
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