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Major loaded question

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Old 05-06-2010, 04:13 PM   #1
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Default Major loaded question

Ok, I know this is a very, very loaded question and please know that I know it is sensitive hot, but there is a reason I want to ask and get opinions on. Neither is anything nobody would ever want or deserve.

Which is worse.....a husband that cheats on his wife or a husband that hits/physically abuses his wife? Again, either is the pits!!!
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Old 05-06-2010, 04:18 PM   #2
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I don’t think there is a scale for such behavior. Either is awful and inexcusable.

However, if I had to pick, I would say that it is worse for a man to physically abuse his wife. Obviously for safety and health reasons. That is just from my perspective. I hope to never be in either situation, but if I had to pick one for myself, I’d rather be cheated on than beaten.

Of course I’m dying to know why one would ask such a question…

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Old 05-06-2010, 04:20 PM   #3
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They're both equally bad, well.. to a point.

Physical abuse (along with any kind of abuse) is the lowest thing you can do to your significant other. Its degrating and harmful. I've been both physically and emotionally/mentally abused in relationships and if I knew then what I know now, I would never have stuck around.

Cheating, while bad, and a trust breaker, is something that can be fixed. At least in my opinion. Just because a spouse cheats, does not mean they do not love who they're with. There's many factors involved in this, and it depends on the situation.

Say.. you were in a Jesse James/Tiger Woods situation. There is no way in **** i could forgive that. But if it was once, with one person that would be something to work on and see if the relationship could be salvaged.

As for abuse. It's a one strike and you're out policy,
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Old 05-06-2010, 04:23 PM   #4
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A husband that physically abuses his wife.

A husband who cheats is certainly devastating in its own right, but a woman can change the situation, i.e. leave, kick him out, divorce etc. An abused woman, in my opinion, is likely in a place where codependency and low self esteem exists as well (sure, this can happen with cheating too). I just think that physical abuse from a husband is much worse and the effects are longer lasting than cheating.
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Old 05-06-2010, 04:31 PM   #5
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Both are abusive, and both can be deadly. Whether it's emotional abuse or physical abuse, and whether it's a fatal blow to the head, or HIV, they are both absolutely devastating.

I too am awfully curious as to the OP's intentions, here..
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Old 05-06-2010, 04:31 PM   #6
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Physical abuse for the most part.

Cheating...there is a spectrum. Some men who cheat are also emotional abusers. Two of my friends were married to serial cheaters who ALSO emotionally abused and that I actually think is worse than physical abuse because many women do not know how to recognize emotional abuse. In otherwords they put up with the cheating because these men convinced them they were so unworthy and disgusting women that of course no other man would touch them etc.

But there are also men (and woman) who are otherwise decent human beings who have cheated on their partners. I know 2 men who I think are good people who I also know have cheated. Although the wives in both cases were far more taken by surprise because they are otherwise good men and it seemed so out of character.

I really dont think you can say that ALL cheating is emotional abuse. Selfish, yes. Devastating, yes. But not abusive.
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Old 05-06-2010, 04:38 PM   #7
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I'd say physical abuse. It is a slippery path down to murder. And the physical and emotional scarring is permanent. I am fortunate that I never dated anyone who ever lifted a finger toward me. But I hope that if I had, I'd have the presence of mind to leave him immediately.

My ex husband had an affair. I left him before I found out he cheated. Our marriage was long beyond repair when he started the affair. While I was furious when I found out, I didn't blame him. I had to take some responsibility for that awful marriage. I was horrible too.

I hope your question is hypothetical, but if it isn't, I hope someone seeks help immediately.
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Old 05-07-2010, 09:51 AM   #8
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Wanna know what's worse than both of those things? A woman who allows those things to continue.
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Old 05-07-2010, 11:27 AM   #9
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The statistics of domestic violence are extremely troubling and chances are very good that some of our sisters (or brothers) here at 3FC live in fear of violence. Leaving sounds so simple but is often complicated by lack of resources, support, choices and a very real fear of escalating violence. It can take many attempts to leave before one is successful.

http://www.ndvh.org/
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