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Single and Not Loving It

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Old 04-30-2010, 09:39 PM   #1
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Default Single and Not Loving It

I don't know if I need advice or just to vent. But I feel alone and sad right now. Maybe I need both. I'm 24 years old, and about a year ago I got out of a 5 year long relationship. I thought he was the one I was going to marry. I thought I would be the first one of my friends to be married. But now the exact opposite is happening. The very last single friend I have is getting married in two weeks. I have NO ONE who relates to me. Here I am, 24 years old, and still single. I feel like I'm going to be alone the rest of my life.

And everyone tells me "you'll meet someone, don't worry, you're young" blah blah blah, but that doesn't help. You can tell me that until you're blue in the face....I still feel alone and helpless. HOW am I going to meet someone when I have NO single friends to go out with anymore? None of my friends ever want to go out anymore, so that leaves me sitting here on a Friday night alone. I'm a pretty shy person, and it's pretty hard for me to even make friends, so I feel like my only option is to go out with the friends I have now, which isn't working. And ALL of my co-workers are in their 30s and married with families, so that's not an option either.

It probably doesn't help that I still see my ex, and still sleep with him. He's been telling me lately that he misses me, and I was hoping maybe that was a sign he wanted to get back together. But he's still the same and still ignores me on the weekends. It's like he's using me because no one else is there.....which I guess is pretty much what I'm doing to him.

I don't know what to do. Sometimes I'm okay, and other times I feel like I panic and get worried that this is what my life is going to be like forever. How can I meet someone? I've tried the online dating thing, but that was a disaster. All the guys I met said I was an awesome girl and really liked me, and then we met, and they all disappeared after the first date and I never heard from them again. I know I'm not ugly, but I'm pretty sure it's because I'm not skinny. So the online thing is not for me....it's just making me feel worse about myself. I took my profile down and WILL NOT go back. I feel like the clock is ticking, and if I don't get married soon, I feel like it'll never happen and I'll never get the chance to have kids or start a family.

Ugh. Sorry for being such a debbie downer. I just needed to get that out, I've been bottling it up for a while now. Blah.
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Old 04-30-2010, 10:08 PM   #2
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Sweetie, Enjoy it. In your world you may be the last single girl but in reality most women get married older.....I have tons of 30-35 single gf's - maybe a visit to Toronto is in order ....and for good reason, they are educated, have travelled, enjoyed all that life has to offer and then settled down.
Book a trip, offer to volunteer for the UN or something if you can't afford it. My sis thought she would be single forever, met a man on eharmony.com last year, is married with a baby this year and he is amazing. She is 33, has visited all of Europe and 6 other countries, speaks 4 languages and has a fantastic career with a huge paycheck which allows her to live a life the rest of us can only imagine.
My advice for all sadness in life.......join a running group/club......the feeling of running a 3 mile/5km and finishing upright makes you realize just what a rockstar you are. It's not about being skinny - it's about valuing yourself enough to really look after you. It's about your mortality not vanity. You are worth soooo much - no more booty calls, he is using you and you have to stop allowing it, it may be great for him but he obviously doesn't care about you because it is so obviously not what you need. You don't need a man right now and shouldn't want one until you have made yourself your top priority!!! You need to focus on your health, your fitness....try zumba, yoga, swimming, languages.....something, anything to distract you from this. All the weddings and married people around you may be depressing but when they envy you because of your adventures and freedom you will see the grass is not always greener. I have 4 daughters and as I tell them all the time......men should be accessories to our lives, not all of our lives, we should be happy to have them but not feel as if we need them. We must be our best, contribute to society, try to make a difference in the lives of others and be positive despite the speedbumps in our road.... karma will make it all happen eventually......
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Old 04-30-2010, 10:09 PM   #3
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Btw, my 33 year old sister is a beautiful supermodel. 5"8 and a size 4/6 so skinny is not what it is......
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Old 05-01-2010, 01:24 AM   #4
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I'm so glad you posted. I really felt your sadness in your words.
One thing that stands out to me is that you are still seeing your former boyfriend. If you sleep with him, that is setting you up for further pain and he is getting what he wants without any commitment to you. This arrangement is likely keeping you from truly moving on with your life. Maybe it's time to let go?
The are endless ways to meet people. You just have to be willing to invest
the time and a little energy in order to get going. The right guy is right around the corner. You just have to turn the corner! As far as your weight being an issue in relationships, I really doubt it. I think you are holding yourself back.
I'll be rooting for you!
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Old 05-01-2010, 03:11 AM   #5
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I agree with the other posters. Try to get out more. And I'm sorry you are feeling down.

1) Get rid of the ex. To still be lingering with him does not make space for fresh mental, emotional, spiritual, or physical ties with a new person. It's like burned toast. You may have thrown it out, but the smell lingers. Well... if you are lingering with the ex, new people may somehow sense your wavering and decide you aren't worth the time because you yourself are not sure. Get sure, get rid of him.

2) Sounds like your friends and the BF may have been from student days in college or HS. Where are you now in terms of social life? Do you have friends from work? From church? From sports, hobbies, or volunteer work? If you aren't getting involved in your larger community somehow, I don't see how you will meet real life people.

Don't spend forever sitting on the fence going "what if?" Just pick and go. There's no law that says you can't go that way a while and then turn around and try the other way later.

The point is to be exploring right now, not sitting still.

GL!
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Old 05-01-2010, 09:52 AM   #6
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Thanks for the words of encouragement girls. It's nice to have a place to come and vent. Like I said, all my co-workers are in their 30s and have families, so it's not like I can go out with them either. I just don't know where to even meet people my age that would be single - and not just guys either, I don't know where I would meet girls to hang out with. I'll be moving in July to the city, so I'm hoping that will make a difference and I'll be able to meet more people that way.

But thank you so much for the words of encouragement. It's really helped.
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Old 05-01-2010, 10:27 AM   #7
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First of all, get away from your ex. How do you expect to move on if you haven't?

Secondly, I started dating my husband when I was 30. I have to say I'm a bit glad I didn't get married younger or 'settle' for someone else. My husband is awesome.

That is all.
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