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"You're fat and stupid"

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Old 03-26-2010, 04:34 AM   #1
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Unhappy "You're fat and stupid"

First of all I apologize in advance for the rant, I just needed to vent this...

I woke up this morning to a total random e-mail from someone I haven't hung out with or spoken to in about three years, since high school. All it said was, "kristie, you're fat and stupid."

I feel like since moving to Europe and beginning my new lifestyle nearly three months ago I've heard just about everything from total strangers, with "fat grandma" being my favorite. But the fact that it was someone I knew, and was entirely unprovoked, is really... I don't know. It's a man (or man-child, judging by his behavior) who also lost a lot of weight after moving.

I guess I'm not even hurt, just feeling like cruel people are "winning." I purposely excluded myself from the yearbook so nobody would remember me. High school was miserable and lonely because I was fat, and because there were problems at home.

And here I am, years later, a totally different person (if my scale is correct I'm smaller than I was when I graduated!) and this happens, and the misery and insecurity kind of creeps its way back in. With all the other comments it feels like a dam's broken.

The one thing I can take solace in, I guess, is that I cannot fathom why being overweight is an invitation to be cruel to others. Thankfully that means I'm nothing like those kinds of people.

Sorry for the vent, I just feel really worn down by everything and a little (okay, a LOT) sad.
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Old 03-26-2010, 04:56 AM   #2
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And this person is rude and mean! Crazy to come out of the blue at you like that.

What's he trolling you for? A reaction? Your attention? To make himself feel big? As if!

Remember you DON'T have to pick up other people's baggage. They might try to get you to carry it for them but you don't have to. You can choose to leave it in the dust.

I don't know what his problem is, but it is HIS problem, not yours.

Delete the email, and don't give this weirdo a minute more of your brain space. Let him keep his BS himself!

hugs,

A.
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Old 03-26-2010, 05:03 AM   #3
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I'm so sorry you are having to deal with this. And, that guy is a hypocrite! Having been there you'd think he'd know better. I think people pick on others with weight issues because their issues are easy to see... therefore an easy target. If people had their issues stamped on their foreheads overweight people wouldn't be singled out by random insults by strangers.

That guys life seems sad if he sent that email after not seeing you for 3 years. He's lame. You should just spam his email and ignore it.

Good for you for embracing your new lifestyle!
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Old 03-26-2010, 06:38 AM   #4
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The guy sounds as though he has a screw loose! Shrug it off because it's just not worth a second of your time getting upset about - obviously the guy has some serious problems of his own to deal with! You're doing great, and living a life that many others would kill for. I'm sorry you're getting some flak about your weight from my fellow Europeans - not all of us are rude and thoughtless! Keep your head high and feel proud for what you're accomplishing!
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Old 03-26-2010, 07:12 AM   #5
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Hi Raichu - that's an awful email to be confronted with.

One thought is that he didn't send it; three years out of high school is just about the right age for guys to think sending that sort of email from someone else's computer is a great joke.

Consider sending a reply with your wording of something like:
Hi John, You've got to remember to lock your computer because you'll never know who might send out juvenile stuff in your name. And best to check that they didn't get into your bank accounts also. Best from far away...Kristie
If it was sent while drunk, he might send an apology. In any case, he'll know that you aren't a free target for ridicule - he might even spread the word.

Congrats on your journey to "a totally different person" and good luck as you continue.
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Old 03-26-2010, 07:14 AM   #6
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Bill's onto something there!!!
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Old 03-26-2010, 07:25 AM   #7
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Raichu,

Just remember, you can always lose weight (which you've shown!), but his personality is always going to suck. A very nasty person called me fat (among other things) and I replied "I can lose weight, but you'll always be an ***". Childish, I know, but it felt good! And, it's true! These folks only win if you let them, and you don't have to let them. People and their opinions are only as important to us as we let them be. Continue to take care of yourself (physically and emotionally), and know that you're not in it alone.
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Old 03-26-2010, 07:39 AM   #8
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What a jerk!

I've seen alot of your posts around on the forums Raichu, and you honestly seem like a lively, upbeat and lovely person<3
That guy is a douche with limited vocabulary! But look at you~ You're in a completely new place, with a new lifestyle- you've really gotten a good fresh start! He's probably still at home, emailing from his mother's computer...
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Old 03-26-2010, 09:40 AM   #9
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I really like what 'astrophe' said and how it was put. I know it's hard to get comments like this, but if there's one thing that you can learn from being overweight, it's how to let things go. I had my fair share of comments when I was larger, but luckily my now hubby always told me that I was beautiful and complimented me. I figure if a person so close to me thinks I'm beautiful and smart, etc then why would I listen to this other person's comment who either doesn't know me at all or doesn't know me well? You sound like a smart person and you're doing a GREAT thing in improving your health the way you are. Don't worry about what anyone thinks about you, you're a fabulous person!!!
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Old 03-26-2010, 09:48 AM   #10
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You can let things like that hurt (that is what he wants) or you on can learn from it, in this case I would use it as motivation (what he totally didn’t mean in doing)

Don’t give him the taste of “victory”, letting this childish attitude put you down. Use it to your favor and show “him” who really is the fat and stupid.
Do not answer him... The silence hurts more than words... Let’s he even wonder if you got the e-mail...
What a jerk!!!
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Old 03-26-2010, 09:50 AM   #11
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I like Bill's idea!
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Old 03-26-2010, 09:55 AM   #12
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Ugh, what a loser. I would just block him and not give him a second thought, my dear!

His unwarranted cruelty just shows him up as a thoughtless person not worth worrying yourself about. He's not worth your angst. Don't let him hurt you... Keep your head up, and keep on truckin'
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Old 03-26-2010, 11:19 AM   #13
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I wouldn't bother replying at ALL.

Trolls like the back and forth, and any kind of reply is great. It means you are giving them attention.

Deleting and setting his email to spam ends it NOW. No leaving the door open for more crazy to come over email where you have to even bother opening it.

GL!

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Old 03-27-2010, 03:48 AM   #14
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Thank you so much for all your support guys, it really helped me face a day I couldn't imagine facing outside of my apartment!

It's possible that it wasn't him... but I can also picture him doing it... and to be honest, I just don't care that much anymore!

If you think about it, I'm over here in Europe losing weight and having fun, and he's... sitting in our hometown three years later, making fun of me. And I genuinely "LOLed" at the thought of him using his mother's computer... because it probably isn't that far from the truth!!

Thanks again everybody!!
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Old 03-27-2010, 04:13 AM   #15
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Yeah, it really just sounds like someone who needs to feel better about himself so he's being mean to others...

I can relate in a way... When I was in high school I received a few notes in the mail, all writing in crayon and clearly attempting to look like child's, calling me fat along with other horrible comments. I actually received another several years later out of nowhere. The person didn't know my address and sent it to a random address in my hometown, but since it's a pretty small town, they delivered it to my aunt. The notes were anonymous... I've had a few suspicious, but never known for sure who sent them.

They don't really bother me, I guess, because it's just such an immature insult it's hard to take it seriously.
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