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Old 03-19-2010, 08:28 PM   #1
~Don't Postpone Joy~
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Default Sometimes I feel Invisible...

Do you ever feel like people are looking right through you ? like they don't even see you, or acknowledge your presence, sometimes I feel like I'm invisible to everyone... I used to make up excuses for these encounters, like they've got something on their mind, etc. I don't think so anymore...

I'm 50 ish and the type of person that smiles at people. Lately its been bothering me how many people just grunt, smirk or look at me as if they are trying to decide if I'm worthy of a hello or smile...

It happened to me today with a neighbor, passing in a small hallway, I said Hi... he, in his 30's, looked right at me and said nothing...I got angry... I have to wonder if I'm taking these people by surprise ? they don't know how to handle it when a stranger says hello ? What's up with this ? Does anyone else experience this...

~ Caroline~

~Change happens when the pain of staying the same is greater than the pain of change~

~If it is important to you, you'll find a way. If not, you'll find an excuse~

~Progress Not Perfection~

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Last edited by Sweetcaroline; 03-20-2010 at 06:28 PM.
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Old 03-19-2010, 08:46 PM   #2
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I too have been in your shoes. One day I went to the gym with a co-worker who's about 9 years younger than me and about 50 pounds lighter. We were walking towards the entrance when a man, who was just ahead of us, opens the door for her, but was about to slam it in my face. I just scooted ahead of him and said, "What, you'll hold it open for her, but not me - how rude!"

Not sure if that was the right thing to do, but it did make me feel better.
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Old 03-19-2010, 09:40 PM   #3
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jennieo i think you handled it right ! out of respect a gentleman ought to hold the door for a lady should the circimstance be there .... regaurdless of her age height weigh etc shes a LADY it should be rule of thumb ....

i can totally understand why you would be upset about being treated as if your invisible it happens to me all the time at first i didnt mind then i felt hurt and then i got angry .. now i make myself known sometimes i can be a bit obnoxious when i feel im being ignored .... i guess i need to find a happy medium but yeah i get you .. i dont like being ignored either !
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Old 03-19-2010, 09:49 PM   #4
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I agree with you a lot.

I have found that as I have gotten larger, people don't notice me so much. Or, they look at me weird when they do notice me. I also realize that even when I am feeling great and that I am looking good, people don't notice or comment. But, I find that they do comment if the person is thinner.

I think that confidence is key, and at times, in order to be seen, you have to excel in other parts of your life. I am trying to do that in my life right now, because i feel that my weight is a barrier to people seeing the good things that I possess.

Hugs. (((hugs)))
Mo cuishle means my darling. My blood.
I get a smiley for every 5lbs. lost!

02/23-318lbs. 03/23 - 309lbs! 9lbs lost in 1 month!
01/01- 305lbs. New Year! 1st goal -- get below 300lbs!
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Old 03-20-2010, 05:56 AM   #5
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This is just the worst, and trying to relate it to someone who's never been there is just impossible!

Good for you Jennie - you did what I've always wanted to do!!

In the second grade, I was slapped by a male classmate at show & tell for "daring" to touch his toy like the other (skinny) kids were. He said, "Ew! Don't! You're fat." I cried and didn't understand. He wasn't reprimanded. I think that was the first time I realized there was something "wrong" with me and I didn't belong.

Now those men are the ones who will let the door shut in my face, let me struggle with something heavy, or drive past me when I walk up or down the hill on the way to class (but stopping to offer skinnier girls a ride.)

What's really weird is that I think they imagine they are being polite by ignoring us, because they employ the same policy with people with developmental disabilities - they just pretend they're not there.

Once I even overheard a man say, in a diplomatic voice, "I wish I was attracted to fat girls. Chubby chasers have it made. Fat chicks are so much nicer, because it's the only thing they have going for them."

I hate generalizations.
I hate being invisible.
I hate how so many people think this behavior is okay!!

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Old 03-20-2010, 08:38 AM   #6
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I'm sorry you feel this way SWEET-C

highlight my secret message below...

As long as I live I will TESTIFY HIS LOVE!
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Old 03-20-2010, 09:21 AM   #7
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I had never felt that way until I moved to New Hampshire five years ago. I started to think it was me but have come to the realization that it's not me it's them!

"Success is not the key to happiness. Happiness is the key to success. If you love what you are doing, you will be successful."
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Old 03-20-2010, 10:06 AM   #8
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It IS them.

I've had this happen to me on rare occassion. Most of the time the people I'm around are very inclusive, polite, etc.

But it happened to me at a playdate and I realized it wasn't me. It was them -- and I wasn't the only one it was happening to.

Started Jan 2016:
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Old 03-20-2010, 02:48 PM   #9
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Sadly, this happens to me ---- At CHURCH !!!!

I'll be walking down the hall, looking at people to make eye contact and say "good morning" and they're blindly staring straight ahead.
Drives me crazy!! Here I am trying to be nice, polite, and friendly and they're in their own little "zone". Oh well, rant over
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Old 03-20-2010, 03:26 PM   #10
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sweet caroline...hugs for you and just a word of encouragment to keep putting yourself out there--stay friendly, sweet, warm, sincere..you will attract those that are like you eventually!

"Be who you are, say what you feel. Those who matter, don't mind. Those who mind, don't matter." --Dr. Seuss
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Old 03-20-2010, 04:09 PM   #11
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i got fat hoping i would become invisible. it worked.
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Old 03-20-2010, 04:56 PM   #12
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You know my best friend is about 5'8" and weights about 135 lbs. She looks great and is healthy.

About a year ago she got really sick and lost down to 102 lbs. She said that it bothered her than when she was so sickly then guys paid waaaaay more attention to her than they do at a health 135.

Maybe its just the media portrayal of "pretty"

It is what it is.
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Old 03-21-2010, 06:27 PM   #13
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Originally Posted by astrophe View Post
It IS them.
I agree.

I also think it's some perverse part of human nature that people respond more to others when they feel they have to work harder (percieve themselves as being slightly below). It seems to me whenever I put extra effort in trying to be friendly, I'm more "put off" then when I'm standoffish. I think part of that, too, is that people have a hard time (and I include myself here sometimes) being comfortable enough with themselves and self confident enough in social situations with strangers.

It certainly is difficult to develop a good radar of who is worth getting to know and of good character, and those who are superficial and not worth wasting your breath on -- and those who just need a little time to find their social bearings with you.
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Old 03-21-2010, 06:48 PM   #14
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I have felt this way, invisible at work. I don't think it has anything to do with weight, I'm not heavy. I have wondered why, some people can come into a room and dominate the conversation with people hanging on their every word and if I say something I mostly get ignored. I watch more now, talk less, sad really. These are nice people but maybe I'm better one on one? I hate being ignored with people talking over me.

anyone know the answer? why do people do this.

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Old 03-22-2010, 12:55 AM   #15
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I felt this way last night. I went with my sister to the bar, she had guys hitting up on her, as for me... no one noticed me! When I was thinner I got quite a bit of attention. Ugh! I was feeling so good about myself when we first got there. I had on a nice shirt I just bought, had my hair done, make up looked good, etc... I cried on the way home. Not that I need a guy from a bar but it would have been nice to feel like an attractive woman and not some kind of monster.
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