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Ladies am i wrong?

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Old 12-15-2009, 04:30 AM   #1
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Question Ladies am i wrong?

Okay.. I know im gonna get hated on but i really want to know what other people think about this subject. I've talked about this with my friends and recently with my mom..lol.. (that was a very intresting conversation) the question is when dating is it a turn off to have your boyfriend cry in front of you? My responce is yes.. I wouldnt want a boyfriend who crys more than i do and i really cant remeber the last time i cried. im not saying men cant cry but growing up i always saw it as a weakness. Also when people cry around me it makes me uncomfortable because i dont know what to do..lol
my mom thinks im nuts she said all the usual things that its okay for men to cry its a release of emotion that they must express. my friend told me her boyfriend cried in front of her when they were having a fight and then she started crying but then again she's always been able to cry at a drop of a hat.... at the end of the day i cant help wondering maybe this is why im single....lol
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Old 12-15-2009, 04:59 AM   #2
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Guys have it from all angles - growing up they get told by their dads that 'men don't cry' - then they get older and get the lesson from elsewhere that maybe it is OK to cry, and then you're saying the opposite.

Men have feelings, just like we do.

Men hurt, just like we do.

Men need to express those feelings, just like we do.

My fiancé has had a **** of a bad 18 months, his wife left him, she then alienated his two boys so they don't want to see him, his business is going under because of the recession and he is about to lose his home as he is being forced to sell it to pay his ex-wife off.

I have seen him cry many times over the last 18 months and it only makes me prouder of him, that he is strong enough to be able to show his feelings.

Real men cry.
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Old 12-15-2009, 05:20 AM   #3
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thank you for being honest..
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Old 12-15-2009, 05:27 AM   #4
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When I was younger, I didn't cry much. I just didn't have as much empathy as I do now. Since I've had a child (over a decade ago), I've been much more likely to burst out in tears in response to a news story or any sad event (even if fictional). In recent years, both my parents have passed away, and that has only added to my fragility. At times, it's almost debilitating.

This change in myself has also made me more tolerant of emotional expressions by others, both men and women. In my younger days, I would not have been very sympathetic to gushers of either sex, but now I feel for others like me (*weeps*).
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Old 12-15-2009, 06:56 AM   #5
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when my husband cries, I know there is something very serious going on. therefore it's not a turn-off at all. It's him feeling the ability to actually release his emotions with me. He tends to keep things on the inside and pretty much has an "everything is OK" attitude, and mostly this gets him through stressful periods. He's the one that everyone can count on to be the rock, if you know what I mean. So when he cries, it's VERY serious.

I love him and am honored to be with him and be the one that he is able to share these "weaker" moments with.
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Old 12-15-2009, 07:09 AM   #6
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Background: I'll cry with you and I'll throw up with you. I really hate that about me!

One day, I was sitting at the table eating dinner with my husband, who I had NEVER seen cry. I looked and him and huge tears were sliding down his cheeks. Of course, immediately, tears were sliding down mine, too. I ask, "What's wrong, sweetie?" He said, "This is HOT!" We had a good laugh.

DH doesn't cry. He does have strong emotions. I don't see them as a weekness. If he cried over the stupid Maxwell House commercial like I do, I might.
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Old 12-15-2009, 07:24 AM   #7
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omg, chelby, that is funny.

I will never forget when my dad came to me in tears, when my mom had left our family, asking me what he should do whether he should reconcile with her or not (there was an opportunity for them).

I remember actually despising my mom for making him (such a big strong, non-crier) cry. I had only seen my dad cry at a funeral and church before that. He just didn't do it. My dad was like a testosterone overload type though.
At the same time though, I realized my dad felt alot of security with me to come to me and CRY in front of me. i held onto that feeling for the cases of other men crying.

SO has cried in front of me before, it was about our relationship though, and it meant alot to me to see REAL feelings expressed and reciprocated about the depth of our relationship.

I am a gusher. I do not expect my man to be and of course am intolerant of it because of my dad's "real men don't cry" spiel to my brothers all the time. I would be totally turned off by a man that cries more than he should emotionally tolerate.

in the case of Robsia, I would hold him and cry with him. And reassure him. Men are extremely hurt by loss of ability to be a provider, as well as all the other downers in his life. Robsia's husband is grieving loss.
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Old 12-15-2009, 07:32 AM   #8
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It really bothers me to see a man cry too.

Not saying it's ok, we all have issues right? It just does.

Maybe stems from never seeing my dad cry growing up. Just makes me uncomfortable.
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Old 12-15-2009, 08:02 AM   #9
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I think it's good for men to show emotion. Crying sometimes isn't a sign of weakness at all.

That being said...it CAN be too much. Before I got together with my now-husband, I dated this guy. My GOSH he was a whiner. He was SO insecure it drove me insane. And the crying...he cried every time we were together. He cried because he was "so happy" he was with me, he cried if we disagreed, he cried when we were intimate, he cried when he was happy, sad, mad, glad, anxious and everything in between.

He was too sensitive for me....way, waaaaaay too sensitive.
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Old 12-15-2009, 09:24 AM   #10
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I remember crying when my parents and brother passed away...time healed that pain...

when my ex-wife threw the divorce bomb....got over that one many years ago!

I have been known to "tear up" at a chick flick or two...ok...or three...

I think it is a normal thing for a man to cry some under sad emotional situations...

even under those rare emotionally super high happy situations that involve your loved ones...

if it isn't I am not normal....

don't go there gals....
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Old 12-15-2009, 11:23 AM   #11
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Quote:
Originally Posted by yoyoma View Post
When I was younger, I didn't cry much. I just didn't have as much empathy as I do now. Since I've had a child (over a decade ago), I've been much more likely to burst out in tears in response to a news story or any sad event (even if fictional). In recent years, both my parents have passed away, and that has only added to my fragility. At times, it's almost debilitating.
yes, I had this response when my mom died in 96. It does subside with time.

I can be a chick flick weeper.

It's been rare the moments when I've seen bf or my dad cry, or other men. I think it makes it more moving and striking to me because of that. I never thought of it as a turn off or not a turn off.
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Old 12-15-2009, 11:29 AM   #12
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When I see a man cry, I always end up crying. My mom and I have always been like that... when a guy at church would talk about something emotional during the prayer requests and start tearing up, we'd both end up sobbing, and laughing at ourselves at the same time, lol.

That said... I get annoyed by ANYONE who cries often, male or female. I guess I don't have different standards for the two (as with almost everything else).

When my husband is crying, the last thing on my mind is how it makes me feel. I just want to know why he's upset, whether there's anything I can do to help, or who I need to beat up.
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Old 12-15-2009, 11:53 AM   #13
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mayness View Post

When my husband is crying, the last thing on my mind is how it makes me feel. I just want to know why he's upset, whether there's anything I can do to help, or who I need to beat up.

Exactly!!!! That goes for any of my friends as well. I hate seeing my loved ones hurting.

I don't think crying makes a man weak. I just think it means something is really really upsetting.
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Old 12-15-2009, 12:26 PM   #14
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No, it doesn't make it uncomfortable or think less of someone, just because they're a man.

If it's all the time, and I'm supposed to react to it (as opposed to some people who just cry very easily, like blushing), then I'm gonna avoid that person, male or female.
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Old 12-15-2009, 12:38 PM   #15
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I come from an American culture where men don't cry. I have never seen my father cry, nor heard any reports that he ever has. In his life, ever. As far as I know, that man has never shed a tear. The last time I saw a man cry, it was my younger brother, and he was in what I can only assume was severe physical pain - it was less of a cry, and more of a moaning, and he was encouraged to knock it off in short order by both of my parents - more gently by Mom than Dad. He was 12. He was WAY too old to be crying.

My hubs doesn't cry. If he finds something particularly heart-wrenching, or upsetting, or sad, he may clear his throat repeatedly. We come from a similar culture, and we are certainly both very much products of our raising. I am the weepiest person I know - to the point of distracting hubs and upsetting him. I cry - maybe once a month. Maybe less on average. I tend to cry when I am all outta rope. It's the moment when I realize I have to give up, I have nothing left. I HATE that moment, and do my best not to reach it, ever.

I don't know if, when we have children, I will teach my sons not to cry. I don't know if I can teach my own small (future) son to just stop shedding tears. My nephew is nearly two. He's already being encouraged to be a big boy and not cry. It's extremely gentle at this point, and if he can't stop he's comforted beyond the point of reason - it's all hugs and petting and singing until he's calm. It's heartbreaking to see his tears, and the confusion on his face when he's encouraged not to cry. I don't know how I'd feel if we left him to be a man that cried.

I don't think it's "right" - I think it's the way we are. For us, crying IS a sign of weakness, and we are traditionally very poor people, and we do not have any room for weakness. We have freedom to express joy, wonderment, curiosity, fury and rage, anger, sadness in any other melancholy form, love, affection, annoyance - we have so much room for emotion, and we're fairly expressive people, but there isn't any room for what see as weakness. None.

I have been thinking on my own ways a bit, since we're gearing up for kids. It's confusing. What other outlets do these men have for their sadness, weariness and worry? I'd ask hubs, but when I start talking about feelings, he goes all blank-faced and just starts petting my hair absentmindedly.
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