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Depressing post....just needed to vent a bit

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Old 11-29-2009, 12:46 PM   #1
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Default Depressing post....just needed to vent a bit

This has been the worst couple months of my life.. november 7th my grandmother passed away. 6 days later my mother who i had been taking care of passed away. my husband and i are getting a divorce(he is overseas), i had just gotten back to this country and was staying with mom, so now im all but homeless.. have to stay with my sister till i can find a job and get an apt.. oh, and im losing my car on tuesday cause since hubby and i are splitting up he doesnt send me money anymore and i dont have any for the carpayment.. did i get it all? sheesh.. does look a lil depressing when i type it all out like that. didnt celebrate thanksgiving at all and prob wont xmas either.. just not even in the holiday spirit. as for staying OP? yeah right.. i have been eating everything that isnt tied down ... i wish i was one of those people that cant eat when theyre depressed. i know the grief will get easier with time, but all i seem to want to do is cry, eat, and lay in bed.. my aunt suggested going on anti depressants.. i personally feel they are for people with chronic depression problems.. people that get depressed when there is nothing bad happening.. i feel i have a right to be a lil sad atm.. im usually pretty upbeat and cheerful.. and i know i wll be again.. just gonna take some time. im going to make myself go for a long walk today just to clear my head and get ready for job hunting on monday... thanks for listening.. just needed to write this all out .. it seems so sureal to me.
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Old 11-29-2009, 12:59 PM   #2
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Twilightwing, my heart goes out to you while you are going through all of this. It has to feel so completely overwhelming. I'm sorry for the loss of your loved ones and that your husband is being so callous. I'm glad your sister was able to give you a place to rest for a little while while you catch your breath.

May I make one practical suggestion, please speak with someone about the divorce before it is final. My friend trusted her ex to do right by her so they could have an amicable divorce that would be cheaper because lawyers weren't involved, and he put her in an absolutely lousy position. If you cannot afford someone, there are places where you can go for advice. Check with women's shelters, social service departments, or county health departments for suggestions for what might be available in your area. Since you were coming home from overseas, does that mean you are military? There may be help there, too. Don't offically sign anything until you make sure your interests are being looked after.

You will get through this.
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Old 11-29-2009, 01:30 PM   #3
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Originally Posted by k8t View Post
Twilightwing, my heart goes out to you while you are going through all of this. It has to feel so completely overwhelming. I'm sorry for the loss of your loved ones
You will get through this.
Please be gentle with yourself. That is a lot for one person! My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Peace, Cathy
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Old 11-29-2009, 11:39 PM   #4
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Wow, you have been going through a lot of stuff in a short timespan! No surprise you are feeling sad and depressed. Take good care of yourself and get advice on the legal stuff.
Going for a walk is a great idea!
I will be thinking of you and praying for you.
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Old 11-30-2009, 12:12 AM   #5
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I'm sending hugs and prayers
Such a difficult time for you, take care of yourself and let us know how you're doing.
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Old 11-30-2009, 12:21 AM   #6
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Wow, you've really had a tough go of it. You are absolutely right that you have the right to be sad and upset about all this, but please don't completely discount the possibility of anti-depressants if this goes on too long. They are great for long-term depression, but they can also be useful short-term to help someone who is going through a really dark time.

Hang in there. I'm so sorry that you're going through this. Try not to worry about losing weight right now; maybe right now, it's enough to focus on making as many healthy food choices as possible just for the sake of nutrition and helping your body to get through this tough time. Also, if you can even just get in a good walk in the fresh air each day, that will help.

Best wishes to you.
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Old 11-30-2009, 12:36 AM   #7
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Sending you lots of hugs, you have alot going on, and yes you do need to take care of yourself. I agree, talk with someone, of course posting here might be helpful, but maybe you need more than a few kind words.

Feel Better, and give yourself time, to heal.
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Old 11-30-2009, 05:37 AM   #8
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thank you for all the well wishes, it really helps my mother was a very strong woman emotionally, and i kinda got that from her, it's just slipped a bit in the last few weeks. i keep trying to think of any positive things i can find in my situation. one i have thought of regarding losing the car, is i will Have to walk to do things which will be good for me. having a car, it is too easy to just get in it to even run to the corner market. i have always been really bad about that. now i wont have that option. i think one of the things that has made it soooo hard on me, is i held moms hand as she died. i am glad i did for her sake cause she didnt die alone, but it was very hard on me. i woke up at 6 that am, and checked on her and she was 'guppy' breathing. i knew from hospice that guppy breathing is the last thing to happen usually and they usually pass within an hour or so. he eyes were open but she wasnt focusing on anything, and i just held her hand and kept telling her i loved her more than life. she really passed very calmly for which i am thankful, the prob is i close my eyes and still see her vacant stare and the guppy breathing. it was both the sweetest moment of my life and the worst if that makes any sense.
i feel this overwhelming need to get healthy and 'live'. i gave myself till monday(tomoz) to indulge in my own self pity and eat what i want and just take time to grieve. i will still grieve and i know that will go on for years, but im in kind of a panic to lose my weight and get healthy.. prob cause i have had my own mortality kinda shoved in my face, and i see all the time i have wasted not being able to do things i want to do cause im so big.
as for needing legal things for the divorce, i dont. we dont have anything we need to split up as one of the reasons im divorcing him is he had no drive, blew money and we have nothing. he is british which is why i was over seas, and we are just going our seperate ways. im not in love with him anymore as there has been too much crap the last 6 months as i was taking care of mom, but it still is another failed marriage which hurts a bit, but i will get over it. hospice had said i couldnt go to work and leave mom at all or she would have to go to a foster home as she couldnt be left alone. i asked hubby to come over and watch mom during the day so i could work so when she did pass i wouldnt be in this situation of no money and no place other than my sis's to go. he said he didnt want to come take care of her and i could handle it.. well, i did handle it alone... and will handle the rest ON my own lol.
i dont have any friends around here to talk to or have a shoulder to cry on so that has made it kinda hard, but posting here honestly has helped. knowing that strangers for the most part can empathize and send me well wishes is wonderful. it proves there are good people in the world even tho sometimes it doesnt seem like it, and i again thank you all.
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Old 11-30-2009, 05:52 AM   #9
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I'm so sorry for your losses, it's so much to deal with all at once. *hug*
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Old 11-30-2009, 09:39 AM   #10
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I'm so sorry I know how hard it is to have everything coming at you all at once. If you ever want to talk..please PM me anytime!!! Things will get better with time.
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Old 11-30-2009, 12:07 PM   #11
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I am so, so sorry to hear you're going through this!

Quote:
Originally Posted by k8t View Post
May I make one practical suggestion, please speak with someone about the divorce before it is final. My friend trusted her ex to do right by her so they could have an amicable divorce that would be cheaper because lawyers weren't involved, and he put her in an absolutely lousy position. If you cannot afford someone, there are places where you can go for advice. Check with women's shelters, social service departments, or county health departments for suggestions for what might be available in your area. Since you were coming home from overseas, does that mean you are military? There may be help there, too. Don't offically sign anything until you make sure your interests are being looked after.

You will get through this.
I second this extremely good advice. My bf's sister had the same thing happen to her.

I just wanted to add, my mom passed away about 13 years ago and it was one of the hardest things I've ever gone through. I wasn't there, she wasn't ill, had a heart attack in the night and died in her sleep.

I really feel my mom is still around me in all the good spirit ways, and I believe your mom is there for you too. She wouldn't want you to suffer.
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Old 11-30-2009, 08:44 PM   #12
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Just checking in on you... You have been in my thoughts and prayers today.

Given what you said your husband's financial history, may I offer another piece of advice - again from my friend's experience? If it is possible, before you surrender the car, try to arrange for the loan and such to be in his name. Since he has stopped paying, maybe the strike will be against his financial record, not yours. Same goes for any credit cards and joint accounts. Get your name or his taken off joint accounts BEFORE the divorce, or cancel or freeze them while you still can. Attack any joint cards and accounts first and fast. As soon as the divorce is final, you have a lot less flexibility with the companies to negotiate them or control them.

I can only imagine how difficult it must have been to sit with your mom while she died. It's understandable that those last visions are so prominent at this time of grief. Do you have any old videos you can watch or can you maybe make a collage of old photos of her smiling that you can keep someplace nearby? Something to offer a balance for that memory? Don't know if it would help, but it was the only thing that came to my mind at the moment.

Take care and God Bless. We're all pulling for you. You are most definitely not alone!
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