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what do you do when you have lost your triple x life?

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Old 09-25-2009, 11:46 PM   #1
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Unhappy what do you do when you have lost your triple x life?

ok the last thing i want to do is offend anyone. i just need some advice.
i have been with my partner for 3.5 years. and about 2 years ago our adult bedroom life went out the door and hasn't even opened the door to say hi... i mean, i'm lucky if i get a few pecks of kisses a day. this all started when i started gaining weight. she says its not b/c of my weight but what else could it be? we work the same hours and we are never ever apart so i know shes not cheating on me. we dont really fight except for that one issue. i dont know what to do. all i want is to feel wanted....... you would never guess how much this has taken a toll on my heart and mind...... i just want to know if i'm the only one, and maybe some advice.. thanks.
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Old 09-26-2009, 12:29 AM   #2
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hummmmm...never had a triple x life to begin with,But sorry you are hurting.I guess I would just be direct and ask how that person is feeling.
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Old 09-26-2009, 01:08 AM   #3
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yeah i think the best thing you can do is be honest with each other, sitting down and talking about what's going on is the best thing you can do.
also - sometimes it just becomes habit and it takes some work to make a new habit. long term relationships take a lot of work.
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Old 09-26-2009, 05:09 AM   #4
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It really does not have to be weight related. A lot of other factors can affect libido. Is something worrying your partner? Does she have stress from work? Any form of medication? Any activity that is consuming her focus (even something like an online game addiction)?

I don't think an imbalance is at all unusual. But if you don't seem to be able to talk this out on your own maybe suggest some form of couple's counseling to her?
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Old 09-26-2009, 07:18 AM   #5
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Definitely talk with her about it. She may be thinking something similar, asking herself why you don't seem as amorous. It's possible. People can just sort of let somethings, even things like romance and sex, fall to the side in the bustle of their lives, then wake up one day and wonder where it's gone.

You don't say how old you are, but age might factor in. The intensity of youth doesn't last forever, though the burn of romance does. Also, health issues or mental cares (family stress, finances, job concerns) could interfere with anyone's love life.

Weight gain might have something to do with it. I can't speak for other women, but when my weight went way up, my libido diminished. Now that I've lost weight, it's returning full force. Part of that is being able to move better, and fit into sexier clothes, and just feeling better about myself.

The latter part, about feeling better about yourself, is especially important. That's really the engine that drives the machine, so to speak. So do talk with your partner. Make sure you both feel good about yourselves, where you are in your relationship, and where you're going.
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Old 09-26-2009, 08:46 AM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DiverGal View Post
Definitely talk with her about it. She may be thinking something similar, asking herself why you don't seem as amorous. It's possible. People can just sort of let somethings, even things like romance and sex, fall to the side in the bustle of their lives, then wake up one day and wonder where it's gone.

You don't say how old you are, but age might factor in. The intensity of youth doesn't last forever, though the burn of romance does. Also, health issues or mental cares (family stress, finances, job concerns) could interfere with anyone's love life.

Weight gain might have something to do with it. I can't speak for other women, but when my weight went way up, my libido diminished. Now that I've lost weight, it's returning full force. Part of that is being able to move better, and fit into sexier clothes, and just feeling better about myself.

The latter part, about feeling better about yourself, is especially important. That's really the engine that drives the machine, so to speak. So do talk with your partner. Make sure you both feel good about yourselves, where you are in your relationship, and where you're going.

I couldn't have said it better myself, really!

It's been a while and since you really let it fester for so long it'll be harder to sit down & talk about it. Honestly though you are going to have to sit down with her & just start some where. It may have to come down to having a 3rd party help you.
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Old 09-26-2009, 12:53 PM   #7
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I wanted to add that I was having this problem and when I finally sat down to talk with him about it- I found out what was bothering him and was completely floored- he thought he wasn't good enough in bed for me! I thought he was so afraid I'd get pregnant or just didn't want to be with me anymore. It helped us to move past it though and get us going again.
We've talked about it again and he said that losing weight helped him a lot. He felt gross and felt like sex was so much WORK that it wasn't worth it.
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Old 09-26-2009, 01:28 PM   #8
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I had this issue with my ex. I would always make the move, and 95% of the time get pushed away, only to wake in the middle of the night to find him, well you can guess. We talked about it many times, but sadly he was so addicted to "himself" and the x rated images he looked at I knew there was no hope. I will say this is a huge part as to why he is my ex. Honestly though a part of the issue may be spending all your time together. It's good to be close, but it's also good to have outside interests.
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