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My sister is livid!

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Old 09-07-2009, 09:56 AM   #1
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Default My sister is livid!

She is so mad at me, and maybe she has a right to be..imput would be great at this point.

my mother is very ill, on hospice, and i take care of her.. the last 3 days have been really bad.. i ran out of cigarettes two days ago and wouldnt leave her to even run to the shop for 5 mins.. was too worried... anyhow...

my sister has been in the hosp for a week with pneumonia. she was released day before yesterday. she calls me and says.... i need you to come pick me up, then go to the pharmacy and get my scripts.. then go shopping cause i have no food in the house... i told her i was very sorry, but i couldnt and she might have to call a cab, get the scripts filled at the hosp and order takeout.. that mom (her mom too) was too ill to be left.. she told me how im a.. well, female dog? lol.. and that i never do anything for her and she cant believe that as sick as she is i wont help her.

i do feel bad that i couldnt help her, but i dont have a clone.. cant be two places at once.. sis is 41, mom is 69 and dying.. i felt my presense was needed more here with mom.. what do you guys think?
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Old 09-07-2009, 10:00 AM   #2
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I think your priorities are in the right place, at this time Mom comes first. You will never be sorry that you were there for you Mom at the end of her life. Your sister does have other options.
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Old 09-07-2009, 10:44 AM   #3
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I would cut her some slack. Not in the sense that you did anything wrong, but her outburst may have come from frustration and panic.

I had a bad bout with pneumonia this spring. My husband did a lot for me, and yet it took me months to recover. Walking ten paces was exhausting, so getting to the bathroom was about as much as I could handle (I'd have to "rest" on the toilet for a while, before I had the strength to get back to bed). Even after the pneumonia had passed, it was like I was starting from scratch. My lung capacity was so limited, it was months before I felt like I had the strength and stamina that I did before the pneumonia had hit.

The worst part (for me and hubby) was that after the lungs had cleared (but not yet recovered), I felt almost normal, but when I attempted to do anything more strenuous - even making toast - I'd feel like I had run a marathon. I don't know what I would have done, if I had been living alone.

I an NOT saying your sister should have reacted the way that she did, I just understand why she may have had a meltdown when you couldn't help her.
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Old 09-07-2009, 10:56 AM   #4
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Question Could she recover at your mom's?

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Originally Posted by Twilightwing View Post
She is so mad at me, and maybe she has a right to be..imput would be great at this point.

my mother is very ill, on hospice, and i take care of her.. the last 3 days have been really bad.. i ran out of cigarettes two days ago and wouldnt leave her to even run to the shop for 5 mins.. was too worried... anyhow...

my sister has been in the hosp for a week with pneumonia. she was released day before yesterday. she calls me and says.... i need you to come pick me up, then go to the pharmacy and get my scripts.. then go shopping cause i have no food in the house... i told her i was very sorry, but i couldnt and she might have to call a cab, get the scripts filled at the hosp and order takeout.. that mom (her mom too) was too ill to be left.. she told me how im a.. well, female dog? lol.. and that i never do anything for her and she cant believe that as sick as she is i wont help her.

i do feel bad that i couldnt help her, but i dont have a clone.. cant be two places at once.. sis is 41, mom is 69 and dying.. i felt my presense was needed more here with mom.. what do you guys think?
A lot of Senior Service centers offer an afternoon out or someone to drop in to give a care giver a little help. Is there a way your sister to recoup at your mothers so you could, with help of course, take care of the two of them?
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Old 09-07-2009, 12:28 PM   #5
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i did ask her to take a taxi to moms so i could take care of the two of em, but she said she didnt want to... this am she is mad at me again already.. she has COPD which is why she gets pneumonia so often.. averages once a month.. she ws givin 5 years to live about 2 years ago.. anyhow she called and asked me this am if i would go get her a pack of cigarettes... sheesh lol.
thank you for the replys.. it helps..
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Old 09-07-2009, 12:34 PM   #6
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Smile Well, then....

Don't feel bad. You made up your mind and you made a good decision. You're okay! She'll either get over it or she won't, just go on and do your thing.
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Old 09-07-2009, 12:49 PM   #7
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Don't feel bad - you had to make a decision and you did, there was no easy choice in this situation. Your sister will come around soon. Good luck!
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Old 09-07-2009, 02:54 PM   #8
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Not to be nasty...but if I had COPD, pneumonia and 3 years to live....the last thing I would ask someone to do for me would be to get me cigarettes. But that is another matter and probably her cross to bear.
As far as staying with your mother, I think you did the right thing. You did offer to care for your sis too if she came there, so I think you offered as much as you could have under the circumstances.
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Old 09-07-2009, 02:55 PM   #9
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Please accept my hugs and good wishes for the situation you are in with your family members. Just remember to take care of yourself also please.
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Old 09-07-2009, 04:11 PM   #10
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Well, I wouldn't let anyone take advantage of or treat me like that and I hope you won't either. If people can't have respect for you, family or not, they aren't worth your time. Don't worry about it, if she ever grows up, you can communicate with her then. Don't be pushed around by anyone!
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Old 09-07-2009, 09:00 PM   #11
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i agree with everyone! you have enough on your plate and even offered to have her come stay there so you can take care of them both. That's really all you can do. It's not selfish for being a b!tch it's just doing what needs to be done.

I agree with kaplods though- hopefully she just is having a moment and took it out on you. Otherwise she can either get over it or not, and it's not your problem!

on a side note- don't forget during this rough time to take care of yourself too. we've been through this recently in my family and I know what a toll it can take on the caregiver.
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Old 09-07-2009, 09:19 PM   #12
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I wanted to comment and let you know you will be in my thoughts and prayers. I recently went through a bad situation with my sick mother and my sister. I understand how family can be.

You offered to help her if she would come to where you were and she declined so you did nothing wrong.

As for me I haven't spoken to my mother or my sister in 3 months.
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Old 09-08-2009, 05:19 AM   #13
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Would of been nice if you could have cloned yourself, but you couldn't =( I think you made the right decision to stay with your mother though =)
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Old 09-08-2009, 07:50 AM   #14
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You made the right choice, and you offered her a solution which as she didn't take, you did the right thing, as for her having COPD and 3 years to live, the last thing she needs is cigarettes especially just recovering from pneumonia
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Old 09-08-2009, 08:23 AM   #15
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I think it's complicated. She would have probably felt she would have loved to spend some time with you, and it's hard to be so sick and by yourself. It sounds like she really wanted some attention - it sounds a bit childish, but I guess it's a reaction to not only her Mother but her sister not being there.

If your Mum is dying, nurturing you relationship with your sister is important. On the other hand, she shouldn't expect you to be everyone's caretaker just because you're doing it for Mom. I guess you could try to explain that to her after some time has cooled things. I'm sorry your in such a hard position.
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