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I really need some phobia support...

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Old 09-05-2009, 09:05 PM   #1
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Default I really need some phobia support...

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"..I think you need to stop following misery's lead.
Shine away. Shine away. Shine away.
Isn't it time you got over how fragile you are?
We're all waiting on your supernova, 'cause that's who you are.
And you've only begun to shine.."

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Old 09-05-2009, 09:46 PM   #2
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omg that sounds terrible O_O I would ask your friends if they can recommend a driving instructor, i am positive they are not all like that. Mine was lovely, very calm, showed me where all the politicians lived So do shop around. Maybe you could even organise for your SO to come with you on the first lesson, so they can support you?Even though you dont want your friends to know, perhaps you could tell just a close one? For the sake of making progress

Could your SO teach you to drive? or just take you to carparks, quiet roads etc to get some confidence before you go to another driving school? maybe even just the route to your gym etc?
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Old 09-05-2009, 09:53 PM   #3
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"..I think you need to stop following misery's lead.
Shine away. Shine away. Shine away.
Isn't it time you got over how fragile you are?
We're all waiting on your supernova, 'cause that's who you are.
And you've only begun to shine.."

Last edited by GradPhase : 04-24-2012 at 10:38 PM.
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Old 09-05-2009, 09:55 PM   #4
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First question kiddo, is why doesn't your bf teach you?

I would suggest asking "adult" people you trust, someone you work with, maybe one of your teachers, if they may know of anyone.

You are in my prayers.
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Old 09-05-2009, 09:55 PM   #5
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well your post while I was doing mine explains part of it.
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Old 09-05-2009, 09:57 PM   #6
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I suggest having a good friend or your SO teach you to drive. My best friend taught me when I was 15, she was very calm and rational about everything - even when I got into an accident in her new truck.

DH taught me to drive a stick some years ago. He was also very calm and reassuring about the whole thing, and it only took me a few hours to get the hang of it.

When I went to driving school, I was very scared and intimidated - both of the actual driving and the stranger sitting next to me. He wasn't laid back or relaxed, and it made me even more nervous.

Either way, living in Alaska, I'd suggest doing it soonish. I can't imagine learning to drive in 2 feet of snow would be very fun.


ETA: You posted while I was posting. Why not take a day trip to see his family and see if one of them can spare an hour to help you? Even driving for a little bit, successfully, without a bunch of stress might help you relax some for the class.

Last edited by bacilli : 09-05-2009 at 09:58 PM.
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Old 09-06-2009, 12:43 AM   #7
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oh man I really feel for you. I'm 29 and I still don't have mine. Also because of paralyzing fear. I haven't even sat behind the wheel of a car in over a decade!! All I can say is - the sooner the better because the longer you wait the less willing you are to go in and do it!
I wonder if some calming and breathing techniques would help you, like just to stay calm? Maybe even just sitting in the driveway behind the wheel, making sure you know where everything is and what it does and like visualizing yourself driving calmly? I know that sounds kinda dumb, but I think it'd help me at least start. If I could ever get there. hehe. Guess you can't take a Valium before you go driving, eh?
Good luck! Just gotta push through it. Maybe you should tell whichever driving lesson place you go with what happened the first time and tell them you need an instructor that is going to be understanding and patient with you.
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Old 09-06-2009, 12:43 AM   #8
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I agree I suggest having someone you trust show you how to drive. I taught my sister to drive and my mother did nothing but make her nervous.

Not all instructors are this way- my instructor was a great guy and made me feel very comfortable.
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Old 09-06-2009, 12:53 AM   #9
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,
__________________
"..I think you need to stop following misery's lead.
Shine away. Shine away. Shine away.
Isn't it time you got over how fragile you are?
We're all waiting on your supernova, 'cause that's who you are.
And you've only begun to shine.."

Last edited by GradPhase : 04-24-2012 at 10:38 PM.
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Old 09-06-2009, 02:23 AM   #10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Eskinomad View Post
I know I just need to take a deep breath, and tell myself I can do it. But the past evidence of NOT being able to do it, having already failed at driving school keeps coming back to torment me...
Your past experiences aren't evidence that you cannot drive. Each time, you were in a vehicle getting screamed at and ridiculed while you were trying to learn a complex task! I am guessing you will be fine if you can find a calm, gentle person who has an easy car with an automatic transmission to teach you. Instead of going on the road with merging and going fast and all that, I would recommend starting in an empty parking lot with your gentle, quiet friend and I think you will quickly find that you will be a good driver. I think that anyone would have fears if they've had the experience that you had!

My mom was a nervous wreck when we were learning to drive and so Dad taught us. Thank goodness, because he's calm and quiet and doesn't get rattled when people make mistakes. This is how I tried to be when I taught my youngest son to drive a stick shift.

Mistakes are to be expected at first, but if your first few trips are in an empty parking lot or on a nice safe road with a slow speed limit, you will quickly gain confidence. Best of luck to you!
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Old 09-06-2009, 02:24 AM   #11
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I just got my license at 23 after years of similar fears and experiences. My father in law taught me and I was the 10th person he taught - six of his own kids and three nieces. So I knew he could do it.

You CAN do it. Seriously, I told myself I was driving a big bumper car and I am a decent driver now. And yeah, definitely learn on an automatic - it helps with the bumper car thing.

The two most important things are believing that you can do it - and you can - and trusting your instructor. If you lived in New Mexico I'd tell you to come over so my FIL could teach you!

You CAN DO IT though - and I bet soon you will be coming back here to tell us you are a licensed driver
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Old 09-06-2009, 06:27 AM   #12
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I have no fear of driving but I did have a HUGE gear of heights, a real downer as my BF lives in the mountains and the fear of heights really restricted me when we eould go for a hike or a ride. A ski lift would reduce me to a quivering mass of jelly.
I got rid of it using EFT - in a matter of minutes! It helps me with a lot of other issues as well. Just google EFT, it is a simple and quick method for dealing with fears and phobias and you can learn to do it in an hour.
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Old 09-06-2009, 11:26 PM   #13
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I used to absolutely love driving, but when my car broke down a few years ago I sorta felt I'd gotten out of practice; I didn't get to drive much at all for about a year and a half. And then on my first major road trip after all that, the thing broke down on me literally a thousand miles from home *and* my destination, leaving me stranded and very distressed. I think the whole experience affected me in a negative way.

I felt super-stressed out about trying to drive my boyfriend's car soon after, but *had* to learn out of necessity since I no longer had the comfort of my old car and that it was the only way I'd be able to work. It probably wouldn't have been so bad had I not had to learn a stick (I'd always driven an automatic) or that I lived in fear that it would stop on me and not want to start again (there was a problem with the starter and would often die since I was still learning to shift and use the clutch properly).

I wish I had some advice to give you . . . I already had a license when I was learning the stick, and even though I had a relatively calm teacher I still had panic attacks, especially when it would die in traffic. I used to do calming exercises before getting behind the wheel and that helped a bit. If anything, know that you're not alone in your anxieties.

I really hope you can find someone willing to teach you that will be much more relaxed and understanding than you've been stuck dealing with.
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Old 09-07-2009, 01:40 PM   #14
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man, who wouldn't be afraid of driving after those experiences. my high school had classes, then my dad took me out to parking lots, etc.

before I forked out any more dough to a driving school, I'd go meet the people and talk to them to get an idea if they have an instructor you can work with. Ask what their refund policy is too, to see how they respond. Remember, you don't have to take the class they offer.

maybe you could put an ad in a local paper, offer some nominal fee for a person to work with you if bf or family can't do it. I'd try asking around at school too.
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Old 09-07-2009, 07:06 PM   #15
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i'm in the same boat not driving. my fear is just getting in an accident, I think I've seen too many and seeing all the shattered glass, people getting carried out on stretchers... It just seems so scary, and knowing no matter how careful I am doesn't mean other people on the road are going to be careful.

I did take a week of lessons worth of 6 hour practicing time, and I felt the instructor was rushing me and expected me to just know things and felt he was getting annoyed at times. During one lesson we drove down a block with a duck and her duckings crossing the street...so I stopped the car to wait for them to cross, but he told me to just go and they would move...I just waited for them to cross but I could tell he was annoyed with me. That was 6 years ago, and I haven't tried again yet.

I don't have anyone to teach me to drive either, my mom does not drive and my dad drives a company car, I'd be worried about crashing it or something.

There's not much public transportation here, so it sucks not being able to get around. =/
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