Loveless Marriages
I'm curious, if you were in a loveless marriage....would you stay, or would you move on also allowing your spouse to move on to find the love & the happiness you both deserve?
And just to clarify "loveless".....I'm talking about not doing things or going places together as a couple, conversation that only consists of "generalities", never hearing "I Love You", no hugs or kisses, separate bedrooms....I think you get the point. |
I moved on.
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well i was with mine for 10 years and just left 2 1/2 weeks ago, my main reason for leaving was just that, no more hugs, kisses, i love you's.... he became a mean and angry person over the last three years, now he says i love you since i left..... but i have no plans on going back!!! and i haven't cried once...
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I think its hard to handle what if situations but I think if it ever happened to me but we still did things together/were friends, I'd stay as long as we were both happy with that. My husband is my best friend and as long as that part of the relationship stayed, I'd be happy.
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I would move on. Life is short to be unhappy, or without love, supportive and friendship. You can't get those days back, so why waste them being depressed and unloved. I am blessed to have a wonderful husband, who is my bestfriend. However, prior to us being together I was in a 'crappy' marriage. I gave it an second chance, nothing changed and I left never going back. That was 20 years ago.
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Oops, I should have clarified, you & spouse are not best friends....you barely speak & when you do, its just about general things....you do not spend time together. Basically, you are coridal to each other when you have to be & you tolerate each other. And when out in public or in front of the family, you "go through the motions" that everything is ok.
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Unless there is a financial reason, special needs kid that needs both the parents etc.. I'd say move on... What are you going to gain by just staying the same house as strangers. I would be much more happier having a caring roommate than an indifferent husband..
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Everyone is different, of course. But remember that people and thus marriages go through different stages.
I am a very difficult person to live with. No, I'm not being down on myself. I have issues. So does my husband. We went through a long "loveless" period where neither one of us wanted to change anything--either about ourselves or our situation. Neither of us could change the other--but somehow, independently, we both decided to "try" and make things work again. I would love for us to go for professional counselling, but there's no way my husband would agree to letting strangers know anything about us--heck he won't even communicate his thoughts and feelings to me. (Which is part of the problem.) We've been married 12 years, we have two kids--and we are both very serious people --especially when it comes to keeping our word. And we promised to stay together through thick and thin. But I tell you, I was this close to a trial separation this spring. |
For me, it would depend on a lot of things. I know "staying for the sake of the children," isn't particularly popular anymore, but I would stay in a loveless marriage if I had kids so long as it wasn't a likeless or respectless marriage.
I also would make sure that the love and like couldn't be rekindled. I told my husband that I expected to fall in and out of love with him many times over the course of our marriage. We've been married over six years and there have been months long stretches when I could barely stand him, but (at least so far) it's always been rekindleable. We've never had to go to couples' counseling to rekindle, but we would before deciding it wasn't possible - that was an agreement we made before getting married. I was taught though that love was an action, not just a feeling. Feelings can come and go, but the real power of love is in behaving lovingly even when the feelings aren't there. I've been very fortunate though, in that the actions have always eventually reinspired the feelings. Hubby and I have also had a difficult relationships at times. We've called it "the crash course in marrage," because in only six years we've faced a cancer scare, unemployment, bankruptcy, job loss, an out-of-state move, chronic illness, severe injury, and disability (both of us). There have been times we've probably each wished the other "gone," but we also have a commitment to each other that transends our ability to dislike one another. |
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I think, to summarize, if my marriage excluded the possibility of love from my life, I would NOT stay. But if I could have a loveless marriage and love on the side, it would depend upon the situation. |
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If there was a point where we didn't speak to eachother and were basically strangers, I would seek counseling and approach my husband to see how he feels about the relationship. It would be a shame to let it go that far but there was a point where two people loved eachother enough to get married, its worth at least trying to see if there is something to salvage. As long as the relationship isn't abusive. I'm not even thinking about having kids in the mix although that is definitely another part of the equation and a reason to work even harder to try to see if something is there to be salvaged. |
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What if love was never involved from day 1? Perhaps you were young and married for the wrong reasons like insecurity or just wanting someone to take care of you for the rest of your life. Nothing to do with love. |
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