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Relationships - the far away kind...

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Old 05-22-2009, 11:23 AM   #1
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Red face Relationships - the far away kind...

Hey folks,
Well, what can I say. I'm in love. He's fantastic as well (I know I'm biased, but still!)
There's just one issue, and that's that he's on one side of the Atlantic while I'm stuck on this side. He's moving here, which is great, but if anyone else has been in an LDR (long distance relationship) you may understand a little better.

It's like....being single, but not. I can do what I like...but I would like to be with him. Sure, I can go out...but I'm not single. And the only contact we have is Chat, when timezones and commitments allow.

This represents a sort of outlet for me, I guess. I'm also going to channel some of frustrations into working out really really hard!

Please PM if you're in a similar situation, and want to vent, so's we don't bore other people!

Thank you, Becca xxx
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Old 05-22-2009, 11:40 AM   #2
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Very similar to being married to a long distance truck driver! I am single when I please and part of a couple when I please. The hard part is sharing the pants when he gets home and wants a turn to be boss!
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Old 05-22-2009, 11:50 AM   #3
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I have been in a LDR for over a year, doing the coast to coast thing. It's all one day at a time and learning how to entertain oneself. When we finally do settle it will be hard to give up some of my independence for sure. Vent away!
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Old 05-22-2009, 12:15 PM   #4
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I live in the US and dated someone in England so I completely get where you're coming from! We dated for over a year and a half that way. If you ever want to talk I'm here!
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Old 05-22-2009, 12:41 PM   #5
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I've been in a LDR for 3 years...its all about good communication & trust. That being said, as with any relationship, it has its difficult moments, but...you work things out.
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Old 05-22-2009, 03:36 PM   #6
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I know what you're going through! I just got in a relationship with a great guy. We didn't see each other much except for on Christmas, but we used to talk EVERYDAY on myspace and message each other back and forth when we could. We finally got together in February.

He's in the navy and was deployed onto a boat in South Korea and he'll be traveling around that area and Australia until next year. Hasn't had access to a computer.

Haven't talked to him since. It's been 2 months, next month will be 3. The only thing I get to do is read the messages he used to send me, and the only thing he has to remember me by is a bracelet I made him that he put on his dog tags. It sucks, and when I tell my friends about my situation they usually feel a lot better about not being able to talk to their lovers on a daily basis. It's like "Well, it could be worse. Atleast I'm not bucket!" XD

I have a lot of trust in my boy, and he has a lot of trust in me. We said what we wanted to say before he was deployed so I know we'll stay faithful and I know that our feelings for each other won't dissipate. We'll see each other next year, and that's what I'm looking forward to the most.

It does feel like I'm single sometimes. We've never kissed, I can't flirt with him, I don't have anyone to hug, I don't have his kind words when I do something stupid or I'm in tears about something. It sucks. -shrug- But oh well. I knew what I was getting into when I entered the relationship.

I highly reccomend e-mails if your time zones are different. That way you can get a lot out, like how your day was and whatever you usually talk about, and all your feelings towards him, and he can do the same vice versa. PLUS you'll have something to read later on when he's not available to chat, as a nice reminder that you're in a great relationship. ;]

Hang in there. If you want to talk about it, you can message me! I hope that maybe my challenging LDR situation will make your LDR situation feel a lot better. XD
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Old 05-22-2009, 04:37 PM   #7
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I have been in a long distance relationship for more than 7 years now and there are times when it really sucks. We do at least have the good fortune of being in the same time-zone, and we are both pretty independent types who were alone for a number of years before we got together.
We talk at least once daily on the phone and see each other on average every 3-4 weeks.
Still, when one or the other is having a tough time with things, it is awful being apart.
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Old 05-22-2009, 05:06 PM   #8
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I used to have a long distance relationship, with me in Germany and him in Scotland where I moved after a year and am now married to him. It must seem ridiculously close to you but to us, it was an issue, despite daily phone calls and monthly visits. You are single most of the time and go everywhere alone.

Looking back, it was quite romantic actually. THe time we did have together was always a holiday. We made it nice for each other, etc. I would not have wanted to have missed that, actually... :-)
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Old 05-22-2009, 05:26 PM   #9
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JuliaDH View Post
Very similar to being married to a long distance truck driver! I am single when I please and part of a couple when I please. The hard part is sharing the pants when he gets home and wants a turn to be boss!
lol that's exactly how I feel! It's hard to going from being solely in charge to sharing responsibility. I joke a lot and say I'm a single mom with financial backing....my husband is gone a lot (he inspects ships and it takes him all over the world) before this he was in the Marines while I was in college. LDR's are hard to adjust to & it's even harder adjusting to them when they are closer but it's not impossible
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Old 05-29-2009, 12:25 AM   #10
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I know exactly how you feel. 3 years ago, I dated this guy from India in college. He turned out to be a real jerk, with a fiance back home, but through him I made a lot of cool friends, and one of his friends back home somehow became my email buddy.

Well, me and this guy got closer and closer and eventually he became my best friend. We sent emails back and forth whenever we needed a shoulder for something going on in our lives, when we were happy, when we were sad, etc. I can't even tell you the THOUSANDS of hours we spent happily chatting away on our webcams together. I'd never met anyone I meshed with so well, in humor, personality, thoughts, etc. However, we both knew it was just going to be friendship because of the distance thing (who the HECK knew when we'd actually get to meet one day?) and stayed just best friends for the first two years.

About a year and a half ago, after not getting to talk very much because the both of us were in a committed relationship to another for a few months during the same time... it's like something clicked and broke. We became 100% wrapped up in each other... but when I moved and we couldn't talk for a few months... it was torture. When I finally settled in my new place, I found out about international calling cards and it was all down hill from there. We spend about 3 to 4 hours a day on the phone together (since October) and we've finally given up the ghost of wanting and trying to see other people. It's just pointless.

And, finally, I've been saving up.... and I'm going to India for a month in December.

I'm beyond nervous.... scared even.... especially because of my body... though I can't honestly say he hasn't seen most of it via webcam (ahem)..... I'm still just very freaked out. I care about him so much. But, as he's put it.... when we met and first started talking on webcam I was at my absolute heaviest (near 260) and he thought I was attractive even then. I've lost 30lbs since then, and I'm still losing. He always teases me and says that I get better every year.... so he considers me a "sound investment." hehe

Still.... the thought of December gives me alternating feelings of euphoria and I'm-about-to-pass-out anxiety feelings.

I've been in plenty of relationships... real ones, fake ones, friends with benefits ones, one night stands........ yet this one seems like 100% more real than any of them all rolled up together. I don't understand it.

All I know is that it feels like the other side of my heart is 7,500 miles away... and I'll be damned if I don't go try and figure it out. Not to mention it'll be a pretty sweet vacation I've been looking forward to for a long time.... and I'll get to see a bunch of my college buddies again!!!
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Old 05-29-2009, 12:07 PM   #11
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Hi there!
My DH and I spent so much time apart, that I considered us to be in a LDR. Either he was away on training for months at time, or I was away on training. Or he was away on job assignment, or I was. We calculate that we have spent approximately 70% of our time apart! Now we are both in the same home, in the same town, for the past year. So it CAN work, even if there are times that I half-wish he was back out on the road...does this make me a bad person...
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Old 05-29-2009, 12:21 PM   #12
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even if there are times that I half-wish he was back out on the road...does this make me a bad person...
Kira
No it doesn't make you a bad person Sometimes I feel that way about my DH too. Esp when he gets upset about me doing one of his "jobs".....heaven forbid I fix a leaky faucet, replace an o ring on a toilet or any other misc thing that breaks at home while he is home *sigh*

It's hard to describe but sometimes it feels as if you are living a double life. One as part as a couple and one functioning all by yourself. Blah
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Old 05-30-2009, 08:09 AM   #13
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LDR are so hard sometimes, but trust me, as the other ladies here have pointed out they are so worth it at the same time . I met my Beloved in college, and he lives in the North of the country, while I live in the South. Granted, it's not as far away as some people (Ladies who have navy/soilder/cross-atlantic men, I commend you ) but since college ended and we moved back to our respective homes, its so hard to get the time to see each other.

MSN messenger is a godsend. We talk for hours. We text, we talk on the phone. I'm actually on my way up North tonight to see him (a 6/7hr drive awaits me ) but he's worth the effort. As long as I live, he's always worth the effort.

No matter what the distance beckki, I'm so glad you've found someone. Once you're in love and have that amazing person, the distance doesn't seem that bad. A heart can always travel further even if your physical body can't
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Old 05-30-2009, 08:22 AM   #14
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Cherish it while you can! I was in a LDR for about 1.5 years, and it was great. He was a great complement to my life. Then, we decided to move to live together, and it turned out we didn't really mesh very well in person (although we lived together for over a year). Oi.
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Old 05-30-2009, 10:55 AM   #15
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No one has mentioned Skype! Free free free!
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