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Overweight and Intimate?

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Old 04-24-2009, 12:09 PM   #1
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Arrow Overweight and Intimate?

I hope this topic isn't too out there or offensive for some people but i just need a little advice, since it's not really something im willing to speak with my family about. So here goes, i've been in a serious relationship for a little over 2 years now and im extremely uncomfortable being totally naked in front of my boyfriend. Yes, im overweight and for some reason, even though my boyfriend loves me and says he loves my body i can't seem to get over the way my stomach looks. I donated my kidney to my sister about 2 years ago and so i have some scars and my tummy has just never looked the same. My boyfriend is very bothered by my being uncomfortable around him but i just can't seem to get over it. Any advice?
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Old 04-24-2009, 12:20 PM   #2
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You should just let it go, he loves you for what you are and if he say's he doesn't care then he really doesn't. Be yourself, thats all he probably wants. If you make it a big deal he will get bored of it and blow up. You should be happy you have someone who doesn't care about the way your body looks. And you have those scars from a good cause, you did something good, so don't worry be happy and be proud of it!
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Old 04-24-2009, 12:53 PM   #3
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I know its easier said than done to just "be comfortable" because he accepts you like that. So Im not going to say that. The reason you are part of this forum is because you are trying to lose weight and judging by your ticker, you have done significantly well. That being said, continue on your weight loss journey, explain to your boyfriend that if he is patient with you, that he will reep dividends once you get to your goal you you feel confident (and super svelt). In the mean time, if your not comfortable being totally naked, then dress up for him. Put something on that maybe covers your stomach but makes him go "woah!". This is a halfway point. If you continue to push him away, you take a risk by scaring him away. Men love confident woman, its a known fact and even though you dont "feel" confident, if you exume it in your actions and personality, he will look past that. It obviously seems like he already does and you are so lucky for that. Dont scare him away with your lack of self confidence, meet him halfway. Hopefully this helps.
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Old 04-24-2009, 01:13 PM   #4
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I just want to say you should just be damn proud of that scar
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Old 04-24-2009, 01:21 PM   #5
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Be proud of that scar what a wonderful gift to your sister and also be proud to only weigh 170 pounds! Ive spent the last several years at/over/near 300lbs so things could be worse.
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Old 04-24-2009, 01:21 PM   #6
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I have been there. I don't have a scar to be proud of, I have really yucky looking stretch marks. I'm not sure what finally got me past it, but when I was feeling particularly bad about myself, I'd find a really sexy yet mostly covering outfit, turn out the lights, light a candle or two instead so that it's dark mostly and it turns into something more romantic rather than trying to "hide". Then even when the clothes had to go, I didn't feel so exposed.

Like the other poster said, even if you don't feel confident, act like you do and eventually you really will. I can't wait to weigh 170 by the way! Congrats on the loss so far.

Good luck.
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Old 04-24-2009, 01:25 PM   #7
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I agree with lucky, men love a confident woman, so be confident in yourself, so you have a scar- hey you gave your sister a kidney! And so your tummy doesn't look the same- but I am guessing it looks a LOT better than it did 37 pounds ago! Be happy with your body, he loves it, accept it and love yourself also I'm 212 lbs and I love my body, if I sit there and worry about my body I'll never enjoy sex!

Oh and there is this stuff called Mederma, I've been using it on a burn scar that I have and I'm totally impressed by it. My sister used it for a scar on her face and recommended it to me, I'm shocked by the change in the scar over the course of a few weeks! There is a coupon for $2 off right now on their site at merderma.com also!
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Old 04-24-2009, 02:12 PM   #8
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You should definitely be wearing that scar with pride

I have also felt this way...It's not a pleasant feeling. But, I try to remember how lucky I am to have someone who loves me no matter what I look like. Guys like that are hard to find! I can guarantee he doesn't see you the way you see yourself, and I'm sure you look great!

I've also used Mederma ( I have a huge scar on my lower back from a surgery) and it worked well for me, too.
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Old 04-24-2009, 02:15 PM   #9
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from a male perspective....there are men out there that would be bothered by your scar, but beleive him when he says he likes your body...he is telling the truth...he loves the whole package...by the way, i love lindy's idea about dressing up...he'll appreciate that....take as long as you need...intimacy is a very personal issue, and im guessing hes not going anywhere good luck
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Old 04-24-2009, 03:59 PM   #10
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You have just lost a lot of weight and are still going strong on that process.
You may have lived with a negative body image for a very long time.
It is going to take a while for your mind to catch up with the changes in your body.
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Old 04-24-2009, 11:30 PM   #11
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"Fake it until you make it"

Men love to feel wanted, just like we do. Go for candles instead of overhead lights and just throw yourself into the moment. Let your mind get into it first and your body might follow. Once you are "in to it" you won't be thinking about your body, just how good you feel and how good you make him feel!

I definitely second (third?) the sexy clothes. A sexy bustier might do wonders for your confidence!
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Old 04-25-2009, 01:44 AM   #12
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I *hate* being intimate right now. You are NOT alone. Not that it makes you feel any better...
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Old 04-25-2009, 02:07 AM   #13
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There are some fantastic comments here. Im very intimidated by being intimate. It's been a serious problem in my past few relationships and got better as I felt more comfortable with my body but I would still never stand up or walk around naked in front of my boyfriend. I would use a sheet or wait until he was gone from the room or asleep etc. Having a shower once was tough, I did not like that at all. I hate my boobs the most, the rest I could deal with - as soon as I'm at my goal - my boobs are getting a makeover So I hear you and can relate...I hope I can get there someday too
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Old 04-25-2009, 02:46 PM   #14
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eskino, i think what you say is very important...a lot of times we feel like our situations are unique...getting advice from someone whos been there is way more valuable than someone who thinks they know what theyre talking about
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Old 04-25-2009, 03:48 PM   #15
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Quote:
"Fake it until you make it"
I agree whole heartedly!

I also agree on the pretty/sexy clothing.

I love those lacy push-up bras, and the pretty lacy tap shorts. (they hide my belly nicely.)

Turn off the lights, and light a few candles instead!

You will feel much more confident and most of all...you'll feel pretty.
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